today we have the final part to the excellent The Bells of Peckham script
by Gary Stocker & Paul Stocker
And as a bonus we will put all the script together into a downloadable script so you can read it in one piece, you know it makes sense!
.For the record here is the previous days scripts the part 1 | part 2 | part 3 | part 4 | part 5 | part 6
scenes 37 to end scene
ONLY FOOLS AND HORSES
EXT. CHURCH/GRAVEYARD – DAY
Del and Rodney walk past the church into the graveyard.
DEL
I’ll tell you why I brought two roses. Look there.
Rodney looks down and sees a grave with “Colin “Trigger” Ball and 1944 – 2014 under it.
DEL
Here you are, Trig. You didn’t think I’d miss you out on a day like today, did ya?
Del places the rose by the headstone.
A Beat.
RODNEY
You miss old Trigger, don’t you, Del.
DEL
I miss ’em all, Rodney. Grandad, Albert, Mike, even Sid, although my old guts don’t miss that grub of his. Last, but not least, I miss our dear old mum. Things just ain’t the same anymore, Bruv.
RODNEY
You’ve still got Denzil and Boycie, though.
DEL
Yeah I thought of that. That’s what made me depressed. I just wish… I just wish Trig had…
RODNEY
A brain cell?
DEL
Oi Oi Oi. Don’t be like that, Rodney.
RODNEY
Sorry.
A Beat. Del slowly smiles.
DEL
I remember once me an’ Trig got a weeks detention for flickin’ chewing gum at our science teacher’s Mr Taylor’s hair. Trig was certain it was a wig. Anyway, we got caught and had to stay late and write lines. “Derek Trotter must not flick chewing gum in the class room”. Pages and pages of it. Well come Friday an’ old grumpy pants Taylor came and collected the paper in. He went to Trig and he had none. In five days Trig hadn’t written a single word. Mr Taylor was fuming.
RODNEY
Good on Trigger. What was it a silent protest?
DEL
No. He couldn’t remember his name.
RODNEY
Bloody hell. I’m not surprised, though. He didn’t know mine, either. At least he went out with a bang, hey Del?
DEL
He certainly did that, Rodders.
RODNEY
Did you pay for all this, Del? He wasn’t loaded was he?
DEL
Me, no. I know who did, though.
RODNEY
Who?
BOYCIE (OOV)
I did, actually.
Rodney and Del turn round to see Boycie walking up to them.
BOYCIE
You might think I’m tighter than a Whelk’s armpit but I do have a heart.
RODNEY
You did? My god.
DEL
If only he knew, hey, Boycie.
BOYCIE
Yeah, well. I felt a bit guilty sending him that electric toothbrush.
RODNEY
Oh that’s the toothbrush that…
BOYCIE
… that he used to clean his bath with, yes. Trouble was he didn’t have the foresight to empty the bath first.
The Vicar appears outside the church and looks over at Del, Rod and Boycie.
VICAR
(coughs)
If you could make your way inside.
DEL
Sorry, yes, now coming your grace.
BOYCIE
No turning back now, Del Boy.
RODNEY
Come on, mate.
INT. CHURCH ENTRANCE – DAY
Denzil and Mickey Pearce are the ushers.
DENZIL
Does Raquel know your an usher?
MICKEY
I dunno, Why?
DENZIL
Oh Nothing. Just she might be sick of the sight of you by now.
MICKEY
Oh. Yeah.
DENZIL
I mean she wasn’t best pleased with her Hen night.
MICKEY
That wasn’t anything to do with me. They gave me the wrong costume.
DENZIL
You wouldn’t catch me doing anything like that.
MICKEY
Oh look, here comes the bride.
DENZIL
Right, inside.
INT. CHURCH – DAY
Mickey and Denzil enter the church and close the door. Denzil gives Del a knowing nod. Del smiles, slightly frightened.
Del and Rod are facing the Vicar.
RODNEY
At least she’s turned up.
DEL
Yes, thank you, Rodney. ‘Ere did you bring your hip flask?
RODNEY
Yeah.
DEL
‘Gis a bit, quick.
Del grabs the hip flask with his good hand and drains a bit quickly.
The WEDDING MARCH starts.
Del and Rodney stand to attention. The guests stand.
The Door opens and in walks Raquel hand in hand with her FATHER. Big smile on her face.
Del facing the Vicar as Raquel comes into his view. He is stunned by her beauty. Gives her the wink.
VICAR
Would all the guests please be seated.
Everyone sits except the happy couple, Rodney, the best man and Cassandra, the matron of honour.
VICAR (CONT’D)
Dearly Beloved, we are gathered together here in the sign of God – and in the face of this company – to join together this man and this woman in holy matrimony.
Someone shouts “About time” from the back of the church.
VICAR (CONT’D)
Which… which is commended to be honorable among all men; and therefore – is not by any – to be entered into unadvisedly or lightly – but reverently, discreetly, advisedly and solemnly.
Denzil whispers to Mickey.
DENZIL
Sounds like Del down the market.
VICAR (CONT’D)
Into this holy estate these two persons present now come to be joined. If any person can show just cause why they may not be joined together – let them speak now or forever hold their peace.
We HEAR the church door creak. Everyone except Raquel turns around. In walks…
…SLATER.
Del and Rodney look at each other and mouth “SLATER” to each other in panic.
Slater can see everyone looking at him and then quietly sits on an empty pew at the back. Everyone returns to normal. Del keeps nervously looking over his shoulder.
VICAR (CONT’D)
Through marriage, Derek and Raquel make a commitment together to face their disappointments – embrace their dreams – realize their hopes – and accept each other’s failures.
The vicar continues throughout this exchange.
BOYCIE
(to Marlene)
That’s a big ask on Raquel’s part. Del boy’s life has been one big failure.
MARLENE
He’s happy. They’re both happy. Look at them. You’re just jealous, you old git.
BOYCIE
No I am not. I wouldn’t do that again for a million pounds.
MARLENE
You’ve got a point, Boycie. Neither would I!
Back on the vicar.
VICAR
Do you have the ring?
Del looks round at Rodney, who, with some trepidation pulls out a monstrosity of a ring. Del is all smiles as it is placed in the vicar’s hands. The Vicar raises his eyebrows as he sees it. Del is still all smiles thinking that they are all impressed with his choice.
The vicar gives out both rings to Del and Raquel and they place them on each other’s fingers.
RAQUEL
Oh God… Um Sorry.
VICAR
Now repeat after me: I call upon these persons here present.
DEL
I call upon these persons here present.
VICAR
To witness that I, Derek Edward Trotter.
VICAR
Take this woman, Rachel Turner.
MICKEY
(to Denzil)
Who’s Rachel?
Denzil shakes his head and puts his finger to his lips.
DEL
Take this woman, Rachel Turner.
VICAR
To be my lawful wedded wife.
DEL
To be my lawful wedded wife.
BOYCIE
First time Del’s been above the law.
MARLENE
Shhhhh!
VICAR
Now repeat after me: I call upon these persons here present.
RAQUEL
I call upon these persons here present.
VICAR
To witness that I, Rachel Turner.
VICAR
Take this man, Derek Edward Trotter.
RAQUEL
Take this man, Derek Edward Trotter.
VICAR
To be my lawful wedded husband.
RAQUEL
To be my lawful wedded husband.
VICAR
You have both made the declarations required by law and you have made a solemn and binding contract with each other in the presence of your witnesses, you are now husband and wife. You may kiss the bride.
Rodney, Cassandra, Damien and Donna (with baby) are all smiles and start clapping. Boycie and Marlene stand and clap. Denzil and Mickey also stand and clap. The rest of the congregation stands and joins in the clapping as:
DEL
Right, let me get under this.
Del raises the veil.
RAQUEL
At long last!
Del is tearful.
RAQUEL (CONT’D)
I love you.
DEL
I love you too, Trotter.
Del then plants a smacker on Raquel as everyone goes nuts, that is, except for Slater, who just looks a bit embarrassed.
EXT. CHURCH – DAY
The whole congregation is outside getting ready for photographs. Raquel and Del are the centre of attention and then, Raquel spots Slater. Her face drops.
RAQUEL
What the HELL is HE doing here?
DEL
I dunno. It’s nothing to do with me. Rodders?
RODNEY
Nothing to do with me, either? Do you want me to get rid of him?
DEL
No. I want you to invite him on our honeymoon. Thank you, Rodney. Course I want you to get rid of him. I’ve just got to get something from the van.
RODNEY
OK. I will… Denzil, Mickey… Can I borrow you?
Denzil and Mickey follow Rodney not really knowing what it’s about.
RODNEY
(to slater)
What you doin’ here?
SLATER
Pleased to see you again, too, Rodney.
RODNEY
You weren’t ever supposed to come back round here.
SLATER
Don’t worry, Rodney. It’s just a coincidence. I’d heard about Trigger and I just came to pay my respects. I’d been to the cemetery and what do I see in the car park? A Crappy Yellow Three wheel van. I just had to take a look.
RODNEY
(lowers his guard)
Oh. I see. So what you doing now.
SLATER
Well, not a lot. Del’s scrubbed up well.
RODNEY
Yeah. He’s looks good, don’t he?
SLATER
I hope he’s not whisking Rachel off in that Van. Where’s the honeymoon? Bognor?
RODNEY
No… Margate.
SLATER
Margate. How lovely.
MICKEY
It’s a nostalgia trip. It’s where they met.
SLATER
They met in Margate? How romantic. Bride looks nice I must say.
RODNEY
(changing subject)
So what are you doing with yourself now, Roy?
SLATER
Actually I live in Margate. I run a Punch and Judy stall amongst other things.
DENZIL
Oh so you still pretend to be a policeman, then?
SLATER
It’s a way to make ends meet, Denzil. Right, Rodney. Say hello to Del for me. I must be off in a minute.
RODNEY
Yeah Goodbye Roy. I’ll warn… I mean I’ll pass it on.
SLATER
Good boy, Rodney. Denzil. Mickey.
DENZIL
Take care, Roy.
Rodney moves back to Del and Raquel.
DEL
Well? What did he want?
RODNEY
Roy? Oh he was visiting Trigger and saw your van in the car park. Bit of a giveaway. He just popped his head in, that’s all.
DEL
Oh did he? Hang on a minute.
RODNEY
Hang on, Del.
DEL
It’s okay, Rodders. Just gonna have a quiet word.
Del hairs off after Slater. Rodney and Raquel are anxious at what Del is up to.
From a distance we see Del go up to Slater. We cannot hear the exchange. A few words are exchanged, then Del gives Slater a hug and shakes his hand. Del then turns and walks back to Rodney and Raquel. Boycie, Marlene, Tyler and Damien are close by.
RAQUEL
What was that about?
DEL
Oh that. Nothing. Just saying goodbye. I left him with a little present. They all remember him round here.
We CUT back to Slater as he gives Del a knowing nod, then turns and walks away, little knowing Del has planted a sign saying “OLD BILL” on his back.
RODNEY
You little sneak. He’ll get lynched round ‘ere.
DEL
With any luck.
BOYCIE
Nice one, Del.
DAMIEN
Well done, Dad. Look, Tyler that’s what we’ve got to live up to.
DEL
What do you mean?
DAMIEN
Oh Yeah. Mum, Dad, Uncle Rodney. Meet my new partner in Trotters Independant Traders.
Damien puts his arm around Tyler.
DEL
Oh that’s good news, innit Rodney.
RODNEY
That’s my replacement? A Boyce?
BOYCIE
Tyler. What are you doing? You can’t conspire with a Trotter.
TYLER
Why not? I’ve got a degree in business management.
DAMIEN
I’ve every faith in him. He says he can sell. Which is more than I can say for…
MICKEY
Come on, look lively. They wanna do the photographs.
They all start walking away towards where the photographs are to be taken.
BOYCIE
Tyler, when this is finished, you and me are having words.
TYLER
Don’t worry, Dad. We know what we’re doing.
MARLENE
Leave him alone, Boycie. He’s got to go out on his own at some point.
DAMIEN
Yes, Mr Boyce. Don’t worry. This time next year we’ll be millionaires.
BOYCIE
Oh my gawd. I’ve heard all that before from another Trotter.
DEL
Yeah but I was a millionaire, unlike you, Boycie.
RODNEY
And me.
CASSANDRA
Says the man who is now being supported by his wife while he plays with paint pots.
RODNEY
I am not playing with paint pots, Cassandra. I’m…
RAQUEL
Pack it in you two. This is a happy occasion.
JOAN
Try living with them.
RODNEY & CASSANDRA.
Oi!
EXT. CHURCH CONTINUOUS – DAY
All of the guests are set up outside the church, ready to pose for photographs.
PHOTOGRAPHER
Right, Lets get some smiles going. It’s a wedding! Everyone say Cheese.
DEL
No. No. Not cheese. Let’s try lovely jubbly!
EVERYONE
Lovely jubbly!!
They all laugh.
Slater has wandered into the line of guests, Boycie notices him and just as the picture is about to be taken raises his order of service, covering Slater’s face. Click.
End Tiles over montage of Wedding day photographs.
THE END
I have just read the script. Very enjoyable and I could certainly imagine the episode in my head.
I laughed out loud over the ‘I do all over her dress’ line.
Tyler would have been about 28 by the time of the episode so he had attended University a few years late!
I also think that Damien came across as slightly too sensible.
Quite a triumph, all in all!
One of the best scripts I’ve read on here. I laughed out loud a few times which I rarely do when reading scripts.
Thanks Richard. We tried real hard with this as OFAH is much beloved.
I’m so scared
No need to be.
Great touch with Trigger. It was very OFAH-esque.
However, he isn’t actually dead in OFAH world officially. Nor is Mike. I understand that if this script was submitted to the Beeb, you’d have to be realistic with what you have left, but it could included Trigger, Mike and Sid still!
Quite a good script. I felt the last couple of scenes relating to the church were the best.
I couldn’t remember one Del Boy French phrase?!
Great effort on the story telling. Shame there was no use of Jevon or Alan Parry. The OFAH family is ever decreasing sadly, so it would have been nice to include those two in.
I wish Del had sorted out the hoody chavs on the London Eye – I know he’s an old man now, but I still feel Del wouldn’t have been afraid to give them a clip round the ear.
Damien still seemed too sensible. I don’t think he should be so level headed and calm. I think you could have written him to be a bit more cheeky – not the way he was in the last trilogy of course, as his character was a disaster as most of us would agree.
Enjoyed the read. Great effort and flowed very nicely.