11 Responses to “Blackout”

  1. Jimmy says:

    Marty can I uses the Trigger conversation in this Only Fools and Horses movie fanfic I’m writing

  2. Matty says:

    It’s very good, could you take a look at mine, that’s Brotherhood by Matthew Bate. Thank you.

  3. Bill says:

    I’ve just had a few ideas for a script based around the late 1980s. It starts off with Rodney (who is skint and bored) inviting Micky Pearce round to the flat to muck about with Albert’s Ouija board while an unware Del and Albert are out on a date. The following evening, there appears to be an active poltergeist present in their flat. Objects move and strange knockings are heard. Even Rodney becomes possessed and develops a voice that he can’t control and a scared Del locks him in the bathroom and calls the priest. Yes the plot is a bit surreal (especially Rodney being possessed) but it attracts more opportunity for humour and there are lots of subplots to consider like Del or Albert inviting their date back to the flat. Is this a terrible idea? Or can this work if the writer strictly keep them in character?

    I would love someone to try and write this. John Sullivan once wrote a rare surreal episode when they all went fishing in Cornwall.

    • MartyMcFry says:

      No problem Brandon. I’m happy to give any advice and help I can.

      Bill, Other than the possessed part I like your idea and have often dabbled with the idea of writing a haunted house themed episode but always found it difficult to ground them in reality.
      I once wrote an episode to do with aliens (http://www.ofah.net/blog/media/page/8/) called the Day Peckham stood still which explained the paranormal happenings in a realistic way which is what you should aim for.

      • Bill says:

        Ah I remember reading this alien script quite a while back and loved it. I’m going to read it again.

        Yes the idea of Rodney becoming possessed is too surreal and certainly not the usual comical style of OFAH. I think I only suggested it because it might be interesting to kind of ‘tweak’ the usual OFAH style – as an experiment perhaps. I was watching an episode of Steptoe & Son when they were playing around with the Ouija board (quite similar in background) and thought it could of made a great OFAH episode.

  4. MartyMcFry says:

    I’ve read a few of your scripts now Brandon and I’ve seen that you seem to appreciate advice and I’d like encourage you if possible so I’m going to give you some.
    I’ve written a few scripts for this website myself I’m currently working on one now.

    The first peice of advice I’ll give you is ‘be funny’ I can’t find many actual gags in your work, and especially not many OFAH style gags, your humour is mainly derived from the characters having childish digs at each other, which to be fair does happen in the show but they were usually clever digs. For example you have Rodney saying “you’re still afraid of the dark, ha” when has Rodney ever talked like that? how old is he, 7?

    an exchange about electricity use is quite weak but if you did want/need to include it the line could have been …

    RODNEY:don’t try and turn it round on me Unc just cos your’re scared of the dark!
    ALBERT: Scared of the dark? I spent much of the war in the dark
    RODNEY: You spent much of the war in the sea!

    write dialogue as the characters would say it. If you can’t imagine a character saying something or acting a certain way then you cannot write the character in that style. Also a script should have things like ‘Albert and del are sat arguing up the table about something. after a minute or 2 del comes in’ You need to script the argument as the reader shouldn’t have to make things up in their head for the rest to make sense.

    Also, your trigger joke isn’t bad but its unnatural for Del and Rodney to discuss what might happen if he comes round, if you want to involve Trigger without featuring him how about something like this…

    DEL. I wonder if the rest of the estate is out? I’ll phone trig

    Del goes over to the phone and dials.

    DEL.Trigger? it’s Delboy. listen, have you got a powercut over there? No!… yeah we have, it’s darker than Denzils shadow round ere tonight. What you up to then? Oh are ya, I’ll let you get back to bed son, see ya!

    DEL. No no, nothing elsewhere, just us effected.

    RODNEY. How does Trigger know there isn’t a powercut of he’s in bed?

    DEL: He said a bus went past with it’s lights on.

    Albert and Rodney react.

    Another peice of advice I’ll give you is most people would rather read one good full lengh episode than 5 or 6 short episodes with very little content. Your powercut and stuck in the pub ideas are good (you have a talent for the ‘situation’ it’s the comedy you need to work on)

    I hope this helps mate, this is genuine feedback to help you. I think you have potential.

    • admin says:

      Excellent advice MartyMcFry
      I know Brandon continues to improve and this is very constructive
      I also know how good you MartyMcFry scripts are and genuinely look forward to the release of your next one

    • Brandon says:

      Thanks so much, this is really, really helpful and is the sort of advice I was looking for. I totally understand where you are coming from, I’m going to work on another script and make it as a full length as possible. Going to really focus on the humor.

      I’m going to watch a few series of Only Fools again I think to get my mindset back to how they interact and the digs they make at each other and get familiar with that. By the way, I wish I had included that Trig bit you put above I laughed at that, very much!

      Once again thanks, this advice will help me greatly.

    • Bill says:

      That was excellent advice, Marty. Although how about this:

      RODNEY:don’t try and turn it round on me Unc just cos your’re scared of the dark!
      ALBERT: Scared of the dark? I spent much of the war in the dark
      RODNEY: As it’s pitch black underwater.

  5. ComedyRemixed says:

    Nice little Episode, with some funny lines, I liked the ending where he locks Rodney out, and also the line when Del is talking about Trigger.

    Del – “Imagine it, You going to switch the TV on then Del, That’s what it would be like with Trigger”

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