Continuing from yesterdays scene 1, we now pick up Scene 2
Simon Nash presents an Only Fools and Horses Script …
Red Red Wine Part 2 – Set just days after 1991 Miami Twice
Scene 2
In the flat, Surrounded by boxes of wine. Evening
Rodney is sitting at the table as Del walks in.
Del: Evening Rodders? Where is everyone?
Rodney: (holding his head in pain) Raquels just gone to bed and Albert’s spending the night at Elsie Partridges.
Del: He’s a dirty old git isn’t he eh? You’d have thought he’d have seen enough action in the war wouldn’t you. What’s up with you? you’re not still jet lagged are ya?
Rodney: No, it’s that wine.
Del: Oi! I told you not to drink that wine didn’t I
Rodney: I haven’t touched the stuff. One of them boxes just fell on my head. It’s the first alcohol related headache I’ve ever had and I haven’t touched a drop.
Del: (looks really concerned and worried) A box of wine fell on your head?! Was there any damage?
Rodney: Nah, it’s just a slight bump mate..
Del: I’m not talking about your bloomin head I’m talking about the wine!!
Rodney: Thanks for your concern Derek…
Del: Anyway, nevermind about all that. Tell you what bruv, I ain’t half glad to be back aren’t you? (Dells pours himself a cocktail at the bar)
Rodney: Oh yeah smashing Del, I’ve got no pension money left, The firms entire capital is tied up in all this wine, we’re getting hourly phone calls from the Arch bishop of Canterbury, and my career is about as healthy as a global recession . Give me Rico and the boys any day of the week.
Del: Oh shut up you tart. Anyway, for your information we are not getting phone calls from the archbishop of Canterbury’s office anymore cause I’ve sorted it.
Rodney: (looking concerned) What have you given em their money back?
Del: No I’ve unplugged the phone.
(Rodney rolls his eyes.)
No, You see I’ve sorted the whole deal out. All I needed was a little bit of time to assess the situation and find a solution to our little problem.
Rodney: What do you mean ‘our’ little problem? This wine deal was nothing to do with me!
Del: Oi oi oi now come on Rodders, we’re partners again ain’t we? That means if we’ve got a problem at work we share it.
Rodney: Ah! Gets interrupted by Del)
Del: …and you were all for getting this wine deal as much as me.
Rodney: That’s because I thought we were going to sell it on to Mike at the Nag Head!
Del: Eh? What gave you that idea?!
Rodney: You!!
Del: (Stops and stares at Rodney) Well, yeah I suppose I might have misled you a little bit. But as soon as I sorted things out with the vicar at the local church I couldn’t turn back on it could I. I shifted the lot for twice the purchase price. I mean gawd blimey if we’d sold it to Mike at the Nags, not only would we have made less profit , but he’d probably have barred us as soon as his punters started drinking it!
Rodney: Alright, so come on then, how have you ‘sorted it’?
Del: Well, I went round to see Denzil tonight, because he told me before we went to Miami that one of his brothers has just got himself a new job working for Silver Spoon.
Rodney: Silver Spoon? …as in sugar?
Del: That’s right, But they are also the leading manufacturer of food colouring bruv. Now, I’ve persuaded him to sort us out loads of these bottles of red food colouring for nothing.
Rodney: Are you planning to do what I think you are? You are going to change 4000 bottles of white wine into red with food colouring?
Del: Well, you and Albert are yeah, brilliant innit eh?
Rodney: Brillia… Del, people have got to drink this stuff! What do you reckon it’s going to taste like? And what about all the ‘E’ numbers they put into food colouring eh?. You’ll have every church goer in country coming out of a Sunday service and rushing straight for the nearest indoor childrens play area!
Del: Listen Rodney, I’ve worked it out right, we leave the corks off the wine for a few days so the wine loses it’s fizz and makes it taste more like a bottle of red!
J’adore des coupes as they say in Nantes. We’ve got to take the corks out to get the colouring in anyway!
Rodney: Del, I am telling you now it is not going to work. Hang on a minute, how come Denzils brothers letting you have all that food colouring for nothing?
Del: He’s just doing a mate a favour that’s all! And let’s just say Denzil’s picking it up outside normal working hours.
Rodney: In other words it’s nicked?
Del: I dunno do I, you’ll have to ask denzils brother whether it’s above board on or not won’t you eh!
Rodney: (resigning himself to the fact that Del can’t be stopped) I don’t believe this. When’s all this happening?
Del: Well, Denzil’s dropping the food colouring off here tomorrow straight from the factory. And then you and Albert will get cracking on the old colour change. In the meantime I will be sorting out delivery times with the vicar for blessing out of the back of Denzils’ truck.
Rodney: Hang on a minute! how come I’ve got to do all the mixing? Why can’t I go and talk to the vicar about delivery time and what have ya?
Del: Well because I’m the one that knows the in and outs of the whole deal. There was a lot of negotiation, discussion and careful planning to get this whole thing up and running again. And besides that, the vicar doesn’t know anything about it yet….
(Rodney looks unimpressed)