Trouble (2012) Only Fools and Horses Script by Brandon.
Synopsis: Del and Rodney drop Raquel off at the Airport, she is going to America for a Movie Audition, playing as a mother. As Del and Rodney are about to leave Raquel at the airport. Heavy snow begins to fall in London, due to this all services such as the planes, taxis and buses are out of service. This means the three of them have to stay in a hotel room for the night, lots of problems and bickering arise!
Takes place many years after Sleepless in Peckham.
INT – TROTTER’S FLAT – NIGHT
As the night looms, Del is sat at the table reading the newspaper. The Living Room has been totally re-vamped and actually quite modernized. Except the fact that of course, Del still has the old wallpaper, Hooky tv and Hordes of boxes around the room filled with all sorts of bits and bobs.
RAQUEL: Del I’m ever so nervous about going to America, do you think they will like me?
DEL: Course they will sweet heart, I’ve got faith in ‘ya!
RODNEY: What is this role anyway?
RAQUEL: Well basically, it’s about a working class Mother in the old days.
DEL: Bet ‘ya get the part.
RAQUEL: I’m not sure Del, there have been over a thousand auditonees.
DEL: Just stand out Darling, ‘ere I kn..
Rodney interrupts him.
RODNEY: Raquel, take my advice, and that advice is, don’t take Del’s advice.
DEL: Rodney, I used to be an actor in School, used to do the big parts ‘ya know.
RODNEY: Del, there is a huge difference between a school play and a Movie.
DEL: Rodney, why don’t you just shut up ey? I’m trying to help my darling wife here.
RODNEY: Go ahead Del, don’t mind me, just don’t blame me, when you muck it up for her.
DEL: You need to grow up a bit Son.
RODNEY: Del you seen how tall I am? I grew up a long time ago Son.
DEL: So, where were we Darling?
Del turns around to notice Raquel gone, she has gone in to the Kitchen.
RODNEY: Well guess she didn’t need your advice ey Del?
DEL: Shut up. Anyway how is Joan and Cass?
RODNEY: Fine mate, Joan is growing so fast, everytime I see her each day she seems taller and you know me and Cass are still havin’ problems?
DEL: Why did you fall out anyway?
RODNEY: She was just stressed, it’s over the littlest things now, think it was over some Milk. I used the last of it for some Cereal when it was for Joan’s cereal.
DEL: You little plonker!
RODNEY: Well she never told me about it, just was brushing my teeth and heard this loud screech of my name.
DEL: Dear oh dear, what is happening to this world? People falling out over milk now.
RODNEY: Rat boy?
RODNEY: No, Damien!
DEL: Oh, he’s busy doing his own thing, I just leave it too him. Think he is going out with his mates tonight.
DEL: Anyway, Rodney. Why you calling my Son rat boy?
RODNEY: Because he is.
DEL: Anyway, I need to make a call, turn that TV Down will ‘ya?
DEL: And the other one please!Del goes over to the phone. Trigger answers, we can’t hear him on the other line. Only Del.DEL: Yeah, ‘ya alright Trig? Yeah yeah, Dave is fine.
Rodney shakes his head, Trigger still calls him Dave.
DEL (Con’t): Basically Trig, I wondered if you wanted to buy these hats they usually re..
Before Del can finish, Trigger hangs up.
DEL: Trig, Trig. I can’t believe that, the bark went and hung up on me.
RODNEY: Face it Del, no-one wants to buy that load of crap.
Raquel returns to the Living Room.
RAQUEL: Del, I need you to do these lines with me?
DEL: Okay, who am I doing?
RAQUEL: The father.
Rodney turns his head and smiles.
RODNEY: Oh I’ve been waiting for this.
DEL (Reading Script): So Darling, how is Oliver?
RAQUEL: Oh, Oliver is fine, he is with Jimmy in the Living Area.
DEL: Erm, what does that say?
RAQUEL: For heaven sake Del! It says ‘Right’. Rodney, you come and have a go.
RODNEY: Right Del, let me show you how it’s done.
RAQUEL: So, mister, how do you feel on this very day?
RODNEY: Err, Raquel that’s not in the Script!
RAQUEL: You’re both useless, I’ll do them both my bloody self!
Raquel storms off in to the Bedroom. Rodney and Del sit back down.
DEL: What’s up we her?
INT – TROTTER’S FLAT – MORNING.
It’s six in the morning. Del walks in the room, to see Raquel practising her lines.
DEL: You’re up early!
RAQUEL: I know, I really can’t forget these lines!
DEL: Where is my breakfast then?
RAQUEL: Can you make it for yourself today Darling, really need to get these lines memorized!
DEL: Uhh, alright. I’ll go and ask Rodney if he wants anything.
Del goes to knock on Rodney’s door.
DEL: RODNEY, YOU WANT ANY BREKKY?
DEL: What’s up with you?
RODNEY: I’M TRYNA SLEEP DEL, IT’S SIX IN THE FLAMIN’ MORNING.
DEL: Oh, alright Crabby arse.
Del returns to the Living Area.
DEL: Got a right temper he has.
Damien walks in, drunk.
DAMIEN: Ya’ alright Dad.
DEL: Where you been then?
DAMIEN: Just out with the lads ya’ know, want a drink? I’ve got some left.
DEL: Bit too early for me Son.
DAMIEN: I’m off to bed anyway night.
DEL: Night son.
We hear Rodney in the background, Del has forgotten Rodney is there.
RODNEY: Damien get off me Rat boy!
DAMIEN: What you doing in my bed.
RODNEY: Trying to sleep!
DEL: Oi, Oi! You two, you’ll wake the whole bloody flats up!
Damien slams the door on Rodney, Rodney comes in the Living Area furious.
RODNEY: I hate that kid.
DEL: Sleep in here, want me to get you a quilt?
RODNEY: Please. Morning Raquel.
RAQUEL: Yeah Morning Rodney.
RODNEY: You remembering the lines okay?
RAQUEL: Yeah thanks.
RODNEY: Well good luck.
Del passes Rodney the quilt.
RODNEY: Cheers Del.
DEL: Yeah that reminds me Rodney.
DEL: I need you to come to the Airport with me later and drop Raquel off.
RODNEY: Oh alright, when?
DEL: Later on in the day.
RODNEY: Oh alright, any point in me trying to get back to sleep then?
DEL: Not really.
INT – AIRPORT – LATER ON IN THE DAY.
Del, Rodney and Raquel are waiting in the airport. The announcer comes on.
ANNOUNCER: The flight to New York City will be leaving in thirty five minutes.
DEL: Don’t half take ages waiting for a plane.
RAQUEL: You didn’t have to wait for me to get on the plane ya’ know.
DEL: I wanted too Darling. Look at that lazy little bark, fast asleep.
RAQUEL: Plane will be here soon!
RODNEY: We are still in this airport? Cosmic.
DEL: Oh great.
DEL: It’s snowing, big flakes of it as well.
RODNEY: What’s that?
RAQUEL: Oh, I hope the flight doesn’t get delayed.
DEL: It might just be a little bit of snow.
RAQUEL: Hopefully, I really can’t miss the Audition.
ANNOUNCER: The flight to New York City has been delayed, if this snow begins to fall it may not be back on schedule until a few days.
DEL: Don’t worry darling, you can phone them up.
RAQUEL: But I don’t want to miss it Del.
DEL: It will probably be delayed sweetheart, as many of the Auditionees are probably from the UK.
ANNOUNCER: The snow has been predicted to fall all night, so we are afraid to announce all flights have been delayed, we will give you more information in due course.
DEL: So what do we do now?
RODNEY: Go home.Del, Rodney and Raquel go outside to notice that all public services have been cancelled and they decide not to drive in the van as it is unsafe. Rodney spots a Premier Inn close to the Airport.
EXT – OUTSIDE AIRPORT – EVENING.
RODNEY: Del, Premier Inn!
DEL: Well done Rodders. Come on, quick before it gets over booked.
They all rush to the hotel.
INT – PREMIER INN – EVENING.
All three of them join the line, lots of people are waiting to book a room as they cannot return home. Someone trys to budge past Del.
DEL: Ey, watch it pal, who do you think you are ey?
RODNEY: Easy Del.
DEL: Shut up Rodney.
RAQUEL: All you two ever do is argue with eachother, cut it out already! Like a pair of kids.
DEL: Don’t you start Raquel. Your fault we are in this situation.
RAQUEL: Oh thanks for your support Del.
RODNEY: Smooth Del, smooth.
They finally reach the counter.
EMPLOYEE: Hello Sir, how can we help you?
DEL: We need a room for three please.
EMPLOYEE: I’m afraid they are all booked up. We have some room for twos left.
DEL: Does that include a double bed?
EMPLOYEE: No sir, two single beds.
RODNEY: I’m having the bed to myself.
RAQUEL: Rodney, you’re not the one with the bad back, I’m having the bed to myself.
DEL: Will you two cut it out? We will take it thanks.
EMPLOYEE: Okay that will be one hundred and seventy pounds for a room for the night including breakfast in bed.
DEL: Excuse me?
EMPLOYEE: Sir you either pay, or you leave and sleep in the cold outside.
DEL: Talk about a scam. Will a credit card do?
EMPLOYEE: Of course.
Del hands him the Credit Card.
EMPLOYEE: Thank you sir, enjoy your stay. Your room is 137.
The employee hands Del the key. Del mimics him.
DEL: God I hate people like him.
RODNEY: Just shut up and help us find the room.
They continue down the hallway and find the room.
INT – ROOM 137 – NIGHT.
Del rushes in and gets a bed to himself.
RAQUEL: Del you are not sleeping there!
DEL: Yes I am.
RAQUEL: You better stay there all night then, because I know you haven’t been to the toilet yet.
DEL: Oh, have it!
RODNEY: I can’t be doing with this, should be at home now with Cass.
RAQUEL: You tried phoning her Rodney?
RODNEY: She won’t answer.
RAQUEL: I’ll try and give her a call later. Oh and that reminds me I’m going to need to phone about the audition.
RODNEY: Do it now.
RAQUEL (On phone): Yeah, hello.
She goes in to the bathroom.
DEL: Who is she speaking too?
RODNEY: Oh, someone about that audition.
DEL: If they don’t delay it then I’m going to sue them!
RODNEY: Not got a kettle in here?
DEL: No you probably have to spend money for a brew.
RODNEY: Expensive here innit?
DEL: Yeah. Imagine if Grandad or Albert would be here with us.
RODNEY: Would be funny, we would be listening to Albert’s war stories all night.
DEL: Would be the only source of entertainment. They ain’t even got a TV in have they?
RODNEY: No, you spend all that money and there isn’t even a TV in the room.
DEL: Oh, dread to know what that flat is like.
DEL: Damien said he is inviting his mates over. Was going to chuck them out when we got back, but we are not going to get back now. Probably look like a demolition site by the time we get back.
RODNEY: I miss the good old times Del. Me and you, down the market.
DEL: Me too Rodney, but times change and people change. Hardly sell anything anymore.
RODNEY: Wonder if I will get a day off Work?
DEL: Not sure. How is the new job going by the way?
RODNEY: It’s alright, bit stressful though.
RODNEY: Not sure, just in general.
Raquel comes out from the bathroom happy.
RAQUEL: They have delayed the auditions.
DEL: That is great news sweet heart! Ere, I’m going to go down and see if I can grab a brew, any of you want anything?
RAQUEL: No I’m fine thanks, I’m going to stay up here and have a little sleep.
DEL: Oh alright Darling. You coming Rodney?
RODNEY: Yeah sure.
Rodney and Del leave the room and go down to the Lounge in the Hotel.
DEL: Can you see a cafe or anything anywhere Rodney?
DEL: There is literally nothing around here, shall we just return to the room and ask for room service?
Del and Rodney return to the room, only to realize, Rodney has lost the key.
RODNEY: I can’t find the key.
DEL: Oh Rodney, you little bark.
Del Bangs on the door.
DEL: RAQUEL, OPEN THE DOOR, WE HAVE LOST THE KEY LOVE. RAQUEL.
The door opens. A man opens.
MAN: What do you want?
DEL: Ey! What are you doing in my room pal?
MAN: What are you talking about, this is my room. Thanks and goodbye.
DEL: What the?
RODNEY: Oh cosmic. We have lost our room now.
DEL: How can we forget where our room is, we have only just flaming left.
RODNEY: This is your fault.
DEL: My fault? You lost the key that had the room number on it, so we could have found the room!
RODNEY: Well I could have just stayed in the room and gone to sleep, but no! You dragged me downstairs.
DEL: It’s got to be on this row.
RODNEY: Wasn’t it 137?
DEL: Which one is this?
DEL: Let’s go and see.
Del goes up to the room and knocks on the door loudly, Raquel opens the door.
DEL: Thank god. Well done Rodders.
RAQUEL: What is the matter?
RODNEY: We nearly lost the room.
DEL: Well we lost the key.
RAQUEL: You didn’t it’s in the room.
DEL: You dozy bark Rodney! You didn’t even take the key in the first place!
RODNEY: Well that’s a sign I need a good nights kip and a bed on my own.
RAQUEL: You two can share a bed, I’m sleeping in the bed on my own!
DEL: I’m not sleeping with him. He’s got serious BO.
RODNEY: Thanks Del, well I don’t want to sleep with you either, so why don’t you go and sleep out in the hallway?
DEL: I’m older than you, so you should!
RAQUEL: Oh for heavens sake, I’ll sleep with you Del, have the bed Rodney.
DEL: No it’s okay Darling you can have it.
RODNEY: I was just about to get in bed then.
DEL: Rodney, stop being so dis-respectful and let Raquel have the bed. We let you sleep in the flat rent free, so let her sleep in the bed.
RAQUEL: Can we all just try and get to sleep now please?
DEL: Fine, any of you want a glass of water?
Del get’s no response.
DEL: Okay guess not.
Del turns the main light off and switches the small lamp on.
RODNEY: Do we seriously have to have that lamp on?
DEL: Yeah, I like to see what I’m doing in the night.
RODNEY: Don’t you just go to sleep?
DEL: I mean if I get up to go to the toilet.
RAQUEL: Will you two be quiet?
A loud bang can be heard on the wall from the wall next to them.
RAQUEL (Con’t): See waking people up now.
DEL: Shut it Raquel. Can you budge over a bit Rodney?
RODNEY: Head to toe Del, head to toe.
DEL: Oh alright. Can you go at the toe end?
RODNEY: I’m already comfy now.
DEL: But your feet are like cheddar.
RODNEY: For god sake Del!
Rodney gets up in anger and switches ends with Del.
RODNEY (Con’t): Better now?
DEL: Yeah thanks.
RAQUEL: Right can we go to sleep now?
A loud knock is heard at the door. They all sigh. Del goes to answer it.
DEL: Yeah hello can we help you?
COUPLE: I guess this isn’t our room then?
DEL: No it isn’t.
COUPLE: Well our key says 137.
DEL: Our key also says 137 and we were here first sorry.
Del slams the door on the couples face and returns to bed.
DEL: Finally we might be able to get some sleep now.
RODNEY: Yeah if you stop talking.
DEL: You slept with Albert before remember, surely I can’t be worse.
RODNEY: You are Del. At least Albert’s war stories actually sent me to sleep, your annoying voice just keeps me awake.
DEL: Night then.
RODNEY AND RAQUEL: Night.
INT – ROOM 137 – MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT.
Del gets up and looks out the window at the snow.
RODNEY: What’s the matter?
DEL: Still snowing out there.
RODNEY: Is it?
DEL: Yeah come and have a look.
RODNEY: I can’t sleep.
DEL: I can’t either.
RODNEY: Raquel was alright.
DEL: Well she had the bed to herself didn’t she.
RODNEY: I guess.
DEL: Bit cold in here isn’t it?
RODNEY: Not just a bit. A lot. Anyway, I’m going back to bed much warmer in bed,
DEL: Alright night bruv.
RODNEY: You not coming?
DEL: Nah not yet.
INT – ROOM 137 – MORNING.
Del is asleep on the floor with a spare blanket. Raquel and Rodney are both asleep in bed. Room Service can be heard at the door. All of them can be heard groaning as they wake up.
RODNEY: Why did you sleep down there?
DEL: Don’t know, think I just collapsed on to the floor.
Rodney goes and answers the door.
ROOM SERVICE: Morning Sir, here is your breakfast for three.
RODNEY: Thanks. Ere Del a full English.
DEL: Oh, thanks Bruv just what I need bit of the good old bacon.
RODNEY: I’ve got your breakfast.
RAQUEL: Thanks Rodney.
RODNEY: I’ve been waiting for this, starving.
DEL: You had a look what the snow is like?
RODNEY: No, not yet.
DEL: I’m going to look.
Del looks out of the window.
DEL (Con’t): It is clearing up now for the most part. Not snowing anymore and it is sunny.
RAQUEL: Good we might be able to return home later.
INT – TROTTER’S FLAT – DAY
Del, Rodney and Raquel return home with relief.
DEL: Finally. Home sweet home.
Damien and his friends are all passed out in the Living Area.
RODNEY: Oh Cosmic, you were right Del.
DEL: I asked him to tell them to go home.
RAQUEL: Do your thing Del.
Del goes into the Kitchen and gets a pot and pan. He bangs until they all wake up.
DEL: Go on go home! Damien I told you to send them home.
DAMIEN: Sorry Dad, we got a bit carried away, ya’ know.
DEL: Have you been drinking all my booze?
Damien runs off to his bedroom.
DEL: Oh, the cheeky git has only gone and drunk all the booze. I was supposed to be taking that down to the Nag’s head!
RODNEY: Rat boy strikes again.
DEL: Shut up Rodney.