Jimmy Connerly continues this hilarous script – see part 1 here
The Trotter Olympics – part 2
SCENE 2– A few days later. Nag’s Head. lunchtime.
Rodney is having a lunchtime drink with Raquel. They are discussing Del’s ticket buying.
Rodney: Honestly Raquel it’s getting to the point of embarrassment. The punters are interested but not in the tickets he’s selling.
Raquel: So, where is he now then?
Rodney: Still trying to sell them down the market. I left him pitching with half a dozen tickets to the men’s trampoline.
Raquel: Shouldn’t he be pitching with the best ones?
Rodney: They are the best ones! I’m fed up with him buying rubbish off of ebay.
Raquel: He’s got worse since all the Olympic build up started. We’ve still got 500 Olympic cigarette lighters sitting in their box in Albert’s old room. He hasn’t even sold one.
Rodney: Perhaps it’s the Athens 2008 logo that’s putting them off.
Raquel: Now on top of that we’ve got all these useless tickets he’s bought, he’s become obsessed with ebay.
Rodney: It was the same when the queen’s diamond jubilee was on wasn’t it. When he bought fifty bogus tickets to the concert in The Mall. He didn’t realise it was all free!
Raquel: Didn’t ask us did he! Typical of Del, he just rushes in. Still, it was a great concert though wasn’t it. I loved seeing Cliff Richard and Paul McCartney.
Rodney: Yes, it was nice of the queen to invite them back again.
Raquel: Back again from what?
Rodney: The Coronation.
Raquel: (Laughs) Don’t be silly.
Rodney: We’ve still got a load of Coronation plates in the garage. They must have been in there for years.
Raquel: Did Del buy them from new?
Just then Delboy bursts in hurriedly and is looking excited. He’s carrying his laptop.
Del: Rodders, Raquel, you’ll never guess what!
Raquel: Don’t tell us you’ve bought more tickets?
Del: No, no, no, it’s not new tickets, it’s about the old ones, you remember the prize draw I was telling you about? I’ve just been sent an email. I’ve only gone and won!
Rodney: So we’ve won some more tickets. What have you got this time? Under five’s tiddlywinks semi-finals?
Del: Don’t get sarky Rodney, like a whack round the head, it don’t suit you. It’s not tickets at all. It’s far better than that.
Raquel: What is it?
Del: Only to carry the Olympic torch. Run with it and everything.
Rodney: You’re kidding!
Del: No, straight up. I’ll be like one of those blokes out of that film, Carriages on Fire.
Raquel: Oh no, will you?
Del: Yeah, there will be Delboy with the old torch and everything and the music will be playing. Der, der, der, der ,derrrr, der.
Rod: Are you sure about this email Del? It could just be spam.
Del: No, it’s nothing to do with food Rodney, it’s carrying the Olympic torch.
Rodney: No, I mean it might be dodgy. There’s always some sort of catch associated when you get lucky. I remember last time you came in here saying we won a competition, it was for that painting and you left half the letter behind.
Del: You hurt me Rodney you do with your nasty little suspicions!
Del takes out his laptop, opens it and starts typing.
Del: Here you are then, you doubting Terrence, here it is on my electronic notepad here look. There you go, there’s the email. This is a pucka deal. Read this – what can’t speak can’t lie.
Rodney starts to read it.
Raquel: Well?
Rodney: Yeah, it looks legit.
Del: Of course it’s legit.
Raquel: Wow, you really get to carry the Olympic torch into the stadium Del?
Del: No, not the actual stadium, but the next best thing. It’s the relay thing. It says all about it the email further down. My turn is during the Luton to Watford run.
Rodney: Oh, they’ve given you the glamorous leg then!
Del: Don’t knock it Rodney or I’ll knock your UN-glamorous leg. This’ll be my chance to be famous. I’m going to be meeting that runner you said, Sebastian Crow.
Rodney: Oh yeah? Lord Coe! He’s on the lookout for the geriatric 100 metres runner is he?
Del: No, with a name like Trotter it will have to be the marathon.
All three laugh.
Del: I tell you what though you two, never mind the torch holding and all that stuff. I reckon if we use this little prize to our advantage this could be a golden opportunity for us.
Raquel: Opportunity for what?
Rodney: Don’t ask. He’s got that that look in his eyes again Raquel, those ‘I dream a dream’ eyes of his.
Del: Yes, if we play our cards right we can earn out of this one.
Raquel: Oh god! The dream that becomes a nightmare for the rest of us.
Del: Yes, you wait and see. This time next week we’ll be millionaires!
This is quality. Really authentic OFAH with some great gags,is this the end of the script?
Is there a Part 3 to come?
Not a bad effort, Jimmy. Your Mr X script was awesome and the best one on here.