53 Responses to “What is your favourite one-liner from Only Fools and Horses?”

  1. Colin Fanstone says:

    Trigger in heroes and villains. It’s bound to tell you on the ticket

  2. John Atkinson says:

    Del Boy ;- Whats the French for Duck?
    Rodney ;- Canard
    Del Boy ;- I know it is but whats the word?

  3. Lisa Whiting says:

    JUDGE to Delboy when he was up for fraud: ‘Have you got anything you would like to say for yourself Mr Trotter?’

    DELBOY: I would just like to say that my cheques were always on time. Fair do’s they bounced, but they was always on time!’

  4. Luigi442wii says:

    I don’t know what my one was, but here is my favourites:

    Del: (Quietly) During the war…
    Albert: During the war [CONTINUES, BUT NO ONE IS LISTENING]
    (The Jolly Boys’ Outing)

    Del: You’re the one with the GCEs!
    Rodney: I have a GCE in Maths and Art! I ain’t got a GCE in PORK!
    (Sleeping Dogs Lie)

    Del: Who was that?
    Rodney: Er, Mickey Pearce.

    Grandad: Well I’d have to think twice!
    (No Greater Love)

    There are some more: the one where Trigger says Dave although Rodney told him not to say that (Homesick), the ’42-carat plonker’ line that Del said, and “Should I get his balls?” in Sleeping Dogs Lie (Del replies “You leave him alone Rodney!”)

    There’s too many I really like!!

  5. Kevin says:

    Del- I’m an achiever, never actually achieved nuffinck mind you, but I’ve always been in with a shout.

  6. Matt says:

    Casandra’s Dad: what we’ve got here is Hobson’s choice. There’s no train until the morning, no buses, our own coach is somewhat out of action. The coach company have said they’ll send a replacement at 9 am tomorrow morning, so there you have it.
    Trigger: so what you saying then?

    Del: you should have more respect, he’s a war hero!
    Albert: I fought for free speech!
    Del: sharaaaaappppp!!!

    • admin says:

      Both Classic one liners

      How about in “Time On Our Hands”
      Del cuts Albert off at “During the..” threatening to pour a cup of tea over his head should he complete the sentence “During the war…”
      Albert cunningly says “During the 1939-1945 conflict with Germany…”

  7. emily x says:

    sorry not right one my other one is right by emilyxx!!!!1

  8. emily x says:

    rodney:great, the only girl that has ever meant something to me, and she’s my neice!!!

  9. emily xx says:

    rodney:great, the only girl that’s ever meant something to me, and she’s my bloody neice!!!
    cracks me up!!!x

  10. Griff says:

    Boycie: Well, Michael. How’s business at the pub?

    Mike: Not bad, Boycie. Not bad. Oh, you didn’t hear did you? Thursday night, some burk nicked me cigarette machine.

    Boycie: Never?! What about that Sonic burgelar alarm Del Boy sold ya?

    Mike: Oh yeah! They nicked that ‘an ‘all!.

    Boycie: HaHaHaHaHaHa *notices vicar* uhhh *cough cough*.

  11. Edelle says:

    Grandad: ” I want a CANARY!”

  12. sophie g says:

    Boycie: (Boycie holding his hurt nose),Whats good for a broken nose

    Trigger: Baseball bat, knuckle dusters

    Boycie: I mean my nose might be broken


  13. Tom says:

    EPISODE: Fatal Extraction

    RECEPTIONIST: whats wrong with you you moron.

    TRIGGER:Oh just a couple of fillings please.


  14. Brad says:

    It’s got to be during the warrrrrrrrrrr?

  15. martin says:

    were did you get those aces. the same place you got those kings. i knew you were cheating me boycie. yeah how. because thats not the hand that i dealt you.

  16. ronan says:

    rodney : if theres such a thing as reincarnation knowing my luck i’ll come back as me!

  17. Kevin says:

    Class of 62

    Denzil – Just I had this idea running through my head

    Boycie – Well lend it to Trigger!

  18. Charlie says:

    are you having fun?


    ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh the groovy gang

  19. Charlie says:

    I will be crwying

    cwying cwying!!!!!!!!

    the singing dustman Tony Angelino

  20. Harry says:

    Albert: During The War

    Del: If you say during the war once more i will poor this cup of tea all over your head

    Albert: i wasent gonna say during the war

    Del: Well thats are right then

    Albert: Bloody Know it all

    Albert: During the 1943 to 1945 conflict with Germany

    Haha Smart Thinking From Albert

  21. SWS says:

    OFAH Rules!!!!

    Del: Lovely Jubbly!!!


  22. Damon Partridge says:

    ” Dont mention the war, I mentioned the war once and I think I got away with it”

  23. Sam says:

    Class of ’62

    Trigger- ‘I got lost on my way here’
    Denzil- ‘You’ve been coming to this pub since you were 16’
    Trigger- ‘No I found the pub alright, I mean I couldn’t find this room. I’ve been standing in your dance hall for the last hour’
    Mike- ‘All the lights are out, Trig’
    Trigger- ‘I know’
    Boycie- ‘You’ve been standing in the dark for an hour?’
    Trigger- ‘Yeah. I thought we was all gonna jump out and surprise someone’
    Mike- ‘But there’s no one else in there!’
    Trigger- ‘Well I didn’t know that did I? The lights were out’

  24. Joe says:

    Rodney: Ive just met the first girl in my life who really means something to me and it turns out to be my bloomin neice!

    Episode: Happy Returns

  25. Scott says:

    Boyce what’s good for a broken nose

    Trigger Baseball bat knuckle duster

    Pure comedy!

  26. matt says:


  27. Mickey: What you’ve gotta do, Rodney, is make Cassandra jealous.

    Rodney: Yeah… Why?

    Mickey: Make her think other women find you desirable.

    Rodney: Yeah!

    Chris: Don’t encourage Rodney to tell her lies!

  28. del boy tradders says:

    mental micky -rodney i do the 1/2/3/4s

  29. Simon says:

    Rodney – We’re not dealing with an normal human being this is Derek Trotter! don’t you understand he is sucking the land dry!!

  30. Wayne says:

    “I don’t know, I never smoked astroturf”

  31. daza says:

    del:this time next year we’ll be millionares

  32. Danboy says:

    So many, from different episodes

    Del: You’re not interested Rodney so it’s purely epidemic innit eh?

    Grandad: He didn’t have a bucket and a chamois leather did he?

    Trigger: You going to get this meeting started Baz, me and Dave haven’t got all night.

    Del: Yeah, my favourite bit, is when the spaceship comes down and all the little martians come out.

    Del: I never used to open my ‘chute until I saw the tops of the trees. At night.

    Rodnes: Yeah well he used to be 6 foot 6 but like he said he had a bad landing

    the list is endless…

  33. Sheener says:

    Frog’s Legacy, as the hearse goes past the market, Boycee ” Albert, ur minicab’s arrived!!”

  34. Jamie says:

    Del: “As Macbeth said to Hamlet in “Midsummer Night’s Dream”, “We’ve been done up like a couple of kippers.”

  35. Adam Day says:

    Come on Rodney bring your cheese !

  36. Mr. Jahan says:

    –DEL BOY–
    [Happy Returns]
    Del: Alright, Rodney. Come on, that’s why I had to tell you, you see, ‘cos this sort of thing it ain’t allowed…it’s…well it’s incense!

    [Yuppy Love]
    Leading up to the one liner Del says “Look, Rodney. I wanna be successful, but not for the money. I want the power and the influence that success brings.”

    Rodney: And what will you do with all this power and influence?

    Del: Spend it!

    Rodney: Who done it? Whatcha mean ‘who done it’? We know who done it..the rhino done it.

  37. Rich says:

    Uncle Albert: Cold? You bits of kids don’t know the meaning of the word. You should have been with me on the Russian convoys. One night it was so cold the flame on my lighter froze!
    Rodney: Come on then, just one quick light ale.

  38. oliver clark says:

    Del – I thought you said this place was open 24 hours

    Trig – Yeah but not at night!

    Del – Trig what are you doing here
    Trig – You told me to meet you here!

  39. Rich says:

    Grandad: “ere, they’re not very big are they?”

    Del: “What do ya mean not very big? you wouldn’t like one up your nose as a wart would ya!?”

  40. Martin Stitchener says:

    Dentist: Don’t worry you won’t feel a thing, I will just make one side of your face numb

    Del: Ah you see, the thing is I am in a bit of a hurry

    Dentist: It’ll only take five minutes

    Del: My brother is out there in the van

    Dentist: Just a little pr*ck

    Del: Oh do you know him then, do you?

  41. Philip Coffey says:

    So many.. So so many.
    I’ve got to say I loved a lot of the one liners in Rock and Chips.

    Trigg: I aint got no vest on, but you don’t hear me braggin’!

    Counsellor: Has your father in law got a disabilty Mrs Trotter?
    Joan: Yes, he’s useless.

    Joan/Del Boy: J’adore un soixante neuf!!

    Hahaha, John had it until the end..

  42. dan says:

    Trigger- “And someone stole my dolphin” in jolly boys outing

  43. Anthony says:

    Grandad’s ‘What you got a Wendy House’. Classic.

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