Forging Ahead part 2

FORGING AHEAD by Jimmy Connerly (based on an idea by Rico)

scene 1 continued

trading places Rodney: Del, It don't look nothing like Gandhi! They're just an old consignment of cheap and tacky dolls. You've pulled all the hair out of, daubed a tan on with a bit of boot polish and drawn a pair of glasses on!
Grandad: You're out of order Del-Boy! You know nothin' of 'istory anyway. 'Royal Raj
approved!', you don't know what you're talking about!
Del: No! this is one of India's finest - Look, there's thousands of Indians live round
here and Gandhi's a hero. I can't understand why they've not sold.
Rodney: Perhaps it's just the 'Made in Pakistan' labels that are putting them off then?

Grandad and Rodney nod to each other.

Del: No! It's your sales patter Rodney, you've got to come up with a slogan.
Grandad: What like? Get your plastic rubbish here?
Del: Don't get sarky Grandad! What I meant was to sell the product with a gimmick. I was thinking something more like....yes, that's it. Knock 'em all bandy with your right dead-handy, handy Gandhi.

Del pauses for effect - Grandad and Rodney unimpressed.

Rodney: Well you can try it if you like Del but I've washed me hands of them. All day I only managed to sell two.
Del: There you go, better than nothing, it's a start.
Grandad: You sold two of those?
Rodney: Yeah, Trigger bought a couple. He thought they were Cabbage Patch dolls.
Del: They don't look nothing like Cabbage Patch dolls!
Rodney: Yeah, but it's less of a mistake than thinking they look like Gandhi.
Del: You'll never make a salesman Rodney. Just look at the shambles you made of selling those videos last month. You never sold any! Not one!!!
Grandad: What? Those Trading Places videos?
Del: Yep, them's the ones Grandad. Trading Places with Eddie Murphy, two quid apiece.
Grandad: Well, I'd have thought they'd have sold Rodney. You can't have been trying..
Rodney: Oh, they sold alright Grandad, went like hot-cakes. Only they all got brought back...(Looks accusingly) Didn't they Del?

Del backs off a little.

Del: You should have come straight home when you'd sold out, before you had any
comebacks.
Grandad: Poor quality videos were they? Pirates?
Del: No, they were top notch Grandad.
Rodney: Yeah, top notch quality all right, shame about the content though, eh Del?
Grandad: What? Trading Places with Eddie Murphy? That was a good film.
Rodney: Yeah, only the videos we were selling was a documentary on buying and selling houses.
Grandad: What? Eddie Murphy was in that?
Rodney: Yes, only it's Teddy Murphy, the Irish estate agent from down the road!
Del: Well I thought it was a good video, very educational. Ideal for property investors.
Rodney: Yeah, right! And we see them down the market all the time. Only it's hard to distinguish them from the crap Indian puppet enthusiasts isn't it Del?
Del: Don't you start getting sarky again Rodney, them dolls are better than that, (looks at one). Beucoup de jollie fluer these are.
Rodney: (Shakes head). Beaucoup de merde, more like!
Del: (Pleased) Exactly, that's right Rodney!

The doorbell rings

Grandad: Who's that?
Rodney: I don't know Grandad, my x-ray vision isn't as good as it used to be.
Grandad: You won't have any vision at all in a minute you cheeky little sod.
Del: Will you two calm down for heaven's sake. Don't you worry Grandad, you have a nice sit down. Rodney, get the door.
Rodney: Bloody hell, it's always me! You exploit me Del, what's wrong with you getting it?
Grandad: I don't know who you get your laziness from Rodney.
Del: No, it's a mystery Grandad, you know he's so lazy he went shopping the other day to buy a microwave oven.
Grandad: What's lazy about that?
Del: He asked for one with a snooze button on it.

Grandad and Del laugh, Rodney shakes his head and goes to answer the front door.

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