Friends in the right places

Friends in the right places by Jimmy Connerly (Part 2 from MR X)

Scene Four - INT - TROTTERS FLAT - A COUPLE OF DAYS LATER

Rodney is reading the newspaper, Cassanda is reading a pouring the coffee. Doorbell rings.

Rodney: That'll be your Dad, don't get up, I'll get it.

Rodney goes to the front door. It's not Alan, it's Del.

Rodney: Oh, watcha bruv, what brings you round?

Del: I've come to give you your key back.

Rodney: You could have given me that tomorrow, I'll be at the pub.

Del: Well I thought I'd come and see my lovely niece as well.

Rodney: (Smiles) Yes, of course, yeah, come on in.

Rodney and Del go into the flat. Cassandra looks up.

Cas: Oh it's you, hello Del.

Rodney: Del just popped round with the key and to see Joan.

Cas: Oh, sorry Del, I've just put her down for her afternoon sleep. My dad's due around and he's

looking after her while Roddy and I go out.

Del: Oh well, not to worry. Where you going, somewhere nice?

Cas: Nothing special, just nice to get out together. Might go up west, do a bit of shopping.

Rodney: How's things at The Nag's Head?

Del: The pub's alright but you know where we've got a problem.

Rodney: Slater.

Del: Of course Slater. He's been deliberately making a point of popping in an out unannounced. Making us feel awkward and loving every minute of it. Making snide comments about Raquel.

Rodney: What, nasty?

Cas: Well, it'd hardly be nice from Slater, would it Roddy? Is Raquel ok Del?

Del: Yes, not too bad thank you sweetheart. She's taken all this very well actually.

Rodney: Anything we can do to help?

Cas: If Raquel needs a break Roddy and I can help out this afternoon if you like.

Rodney: Eh?

Del: Could you? She'd appreciate that.

Rodney: We were supposed to be going out.

Del: It was only a bit of shopping wasn't it?

Rodney: Yeah, but..... I thought Trigger was helping you out?

Del: He is but he's no good for cocktail hour is he.

Rodney: Oh bloody hell Del, you're not still doing cocktails. This is South London not the south of France.

Del: The cocktails are going very well actually Rodney, it's pulling in a better class of punter.

Rodney: Maybe it's Trigger's charm.

Del: Well it ain't his intellect. Someone asked him for a screwdriver yesterday, he sent them to the hardware store down the high street.

Rodney: (laughs) Yeah, and how about last week when that bloke asked to see a tequila sunrise.

Del: Yeah, (looks at Cassandra) sent him to the travel agents. The mind boggles at where he'd send anyone who asked for a Cock-sucking Cowboy!

Rodney: Sid could always help out.

Del: No, I'd rather not ask him Rodders, he's still offering as much warmth as a snowman's nuts.

Rodney: Still? Even though he knows there's no problem between us and Mike?

Del: Well, I ain't even told him have I.

Rodney: Why not?

Del: Cos he ain't given me the chance. He does his bits and bobs without saying a word. I'd get more conversation doing a shift with Sooty.

Rodney: You're going to have to sort that out Del, we need more teamwork now we've got Slater to

contend with.

Cas: Exactly, that's why we should help out now. Come on Roddy, especially for Raquel.

Rodney: Yeah, alright, we'll be round as soon as Alan get's here.

Del: Good boy Rodney, you know it makes sense. Cassandra, wear something pretty, Rodney, bring your overalls, there's still stuff needs clearing in the cellar.

Rodney: Oh, bloody hell Del, I thought Denzil and Trigger had done all that.

Del: They cleared out all the old junk Rodders but what's left is all the worthwhile stock. It's all over the place. We need to tidy it back up again and do a stock-take as we go. I'll be helping you.

Rodney: So in other words you'll be holding a clipboard and a pen while I do all the humping around.

The doorbell rings.

Cas: That'll be Dad now. If you want to hang on Del, we'll get changed and all go together.

Del; Good thinking Cassandra. Luvly-jubbly.

Rodney: Yeah! (Half-heartedly), Cos-blinking-mic!

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