THE BLACKOUT – An Only Fools and Horses Fan Script from Brandon
INT – TROTTER’S FLAT – NIGHT
This entire script will take place in the flat. Del can be seen walking in. Rodney can be seen out in the hallway placing some boxes. Rodney also walks in.
RODNEY: I can’t believe you made me carry them up all them stairs.
DEL: Oh stop complaining Rodders.
ALBERT: It was quiet, until you two walked in.
DEL: Oh go to your room you soppy old goat.
RODNEY: Look at ma’ hands Del, they are red. I’ll have blisters by tomorrow.
DEL: Rodney, that’s the first bit of work you’ve done in weeks, so stop complaining.
RODNEY: Can I have my wages?
DEL: No, you are not getting anything after all that moaning. Ey Albert! You been drinking this?
ALBERT: No.
DEL: Yes you have, there was much more than this left when I went this morning. As I checked it!
ALBERT: Wha’ you checking that for?
DEL: So I know when you have been drinking my booze.
ALBERT: Sorry Del.
DEL: Hah, Caught red handed once again. Super Del saves the day. Now go and do me a bacon butty will ya’?
ALBERT: Oh alright Del. Want one Rodney?
RODNEY: No.
ALBERT: Oh alright, was only asking.
Albert goes in to the kitchen.
DEL: You need to fix that attitude of yours son.
Suddenly the power goes out.
DEL: What’s happenin’?
ALBERT: THE POWER HAS GONE OUT.
DEL: Well I know that you clown I mean why?
ALBERT: Has the rest of the estate gone out?
DEL: I don’t know I’ll have a look.
Rodney gets up to have a look, tripping over one of the boxes, as he cannot see.
DEL: Rodney, what are you doing you plonker.
RODNEY: Coming to see.
DEL: Well you can’t can you, it’s pitch black innit.
RODNEY: Well I know that, but I wanted to see if the rest of the estate was out.
DEL: It is. Yeah Albert, the rest is out. Do you know where the candles are.
ALBERT: I’ll go and look in my bedroom Del. They might be in there.
DEL: Alright, watch yourself, don’t trip over them boxes like this plonker!
RODNEY: Shut up.
Del starts laughing.
DEL: Wonder why the power has gone out?
RODNEY: Don’t know, but the rest of London must be out, it’s pitch black.
DEL: You found them Unc?
ALBERT: Yeah. Here we are.
Albert lights the candle.
DEL: Light, at last. Put them over there. So when do you reckon it will be back on?
RODNEY: Depends if it’s a big power outage it could take them a while to fix it again.
ALBERT: You know during the war..
RODNEY AND DEL: OH DEAR GOD.
ALBERT: It used to be like this all the time. Pitch black darkness, so I’m used to this kind of atmosphere.
DEL: Really Unc, what a riveting story you have there.
ALBERT: Well you didn’t let me finish. When I first started out, I was scared by the dark.
RODNEY: Really?
ALBERT: Yeah, I used to lie awake at night, scared, wondering what’s out there.
DEL: So how did you get used to it then?
ALBERT: I just sorta’ did, ya’ know when you are in that environment for so long, you soon get used to it.
DEL: I remember when you was scared of the dark Rodney, oh no sorry, you still are.
RODNEY: I was never scared of the dark.
DEL: You were, when you were a little kid you used to come crying in my room whenever it was dark. It’d be reyt late as well, I felt like kicking you in the head sometimes.
RODNEY: That’s nice.
DEL: You were a right little git. Used to have to come and show you that there were no monsters under your bed or anything. It was worse when I’d bring a bird round.
RODNEY: Yeah, I don’t wanna’ to know the details thanks Del.
DEL: I wasn’t going to tell you the details. Mind you I was probably the same when I was a young un’.
RODNEY: Yeah, I bet you were far worst!
DEL: No, I was a good kid me. Always respected me mum and dad.
ALBERT: What a load of old pony.
DEL: What’s that supposed to mean Unc?
ALBERT: Well before me and you grandad fell out I used to pop round on the odd occasion, right little git you were, used to kick me in the legs.
DEL: Yeah, if you don’t watch it now, I’ll do the same.
*FADES OUT AND FADES BACK IN*
It’s slightly later on, they are all looking bored and depressed.
DEL: It’s amazing how boring it is without power. Wish we had been in the Nag’s Head when the power went off.
ALBERT: Good job you boys came back.
DEL: Why?
ALBERT: Well I’m scared of the dark.
DEL: STILL? I thought you said you wasn’t.
ALBERT: Well I’m going to lie aren’t I?
DEL: That’s why the leccy costs so much, he leaves the Bedroom light on all night.
ALBERT: No I don’t.
RODNEY: Come on Albert tell the truth.
ALBERT: It’s him who uses all the electric, blow drying his hair like a girl.
RODNEY: Shut up Unc, still scared of the dark. Hah!
DEL: Ey, ey! No need for that, so what if he’s scared of the dark. You do realise you have left the field open for us to play some tricks on you in the night though Unc?
ALBERT: No.
DEL: We won’t, we won’t. But I might be tempted to turn the lights off on the odd occasion.
ALBERT: Don’t you dare son.
RODNEY: Del won’t, but I will.
DEL: Why, you are just as scared as he is Rodney.
RODNEY: Del, I’m not scared of the dark, alright?
DEL: Alright, alright, was just a joke! It’s annoying me a little now. Good job Trigger didn’t pop round, imagine being in the dark with Trigger.
RODNEY: Oh Del, please. Don’t jinx us, he will probably arrive soon, say he got lost.
DEL: Imagine it, “You going to switch the TV on then Del” That’s what it would be like with Trigger.
ALBERT: I might head off to bed soon, it’s boring just sat here.
RODNEY: Yeah I’m going to read a magazine.
ALBERT: Will you get us the newspaper Rodney?
DEL: Didn’t you read that this morning?
ALBERT: Yeah but there is nothing else to do, is there?
DEL: Guess not.
ALBERT: Thanks Rodney.
RODNEY: Del, there is something I wanted to show you in here.
DEL: What?
RODNEY: Well look, Police are looking for these right? Aren’t they similar to what we have got?
DEL: No, they are nothing like ours. They are much different, you can tell look.
RODNEY: Well they look strangely similar to me.
DEL: Look, these goods are not knocked off, everything I get isn’t knocked off you know.
Rodney then progresses to interrogate Del, once again.
RODNEY: Hmm, whatever you say and Del I know this power outage isn’t your fault but it feels like it.
DEL: What’s tha’ supposed to mean?
ALBERT: Wha’ I think he me..(Albert gets interrupted by Del.)
DEL: Shut up Albert, I want to hear what Rodders has to say for himself.
RODNEY: Well everytime something goes wrong, you seem to be there. Everywhere I turn, you are there watching me.
DEL: What you ona about you wally?
ALBERT: You been on the drugs again Rodney?
RODNEY: No I haven’t! It’s the truth though innit. He’s always there, always.
DEL: Whatever you say Rodney, whatever you say.
RODNEY: You thought about going for a world record? You clearly have to be the unluckiest man on this Earth.
DEL: Okay, okay, are you finished yet?
RODNEY: No.
DEL: Yes you are, unless you want this foot down your throat.
ALBERT: Anyway, shut up you two.
Del and Rodney look at Albert.
DEL AND RODNEY: You shut up.
ALBERT: So alike.
RODNEY: Albert we are nothing alike!
DEL: Yeah, he’s a plonker and I’m a genius.
Rodney gives a confused face.
ALBERT: You don’t know the meaning of the word son, during the..
DEL: Albert, please no, we’ve had about one hundred war stories tonight, I can’t deal with another.
ALBERT: Anyway, I’m off to bed. Sick of you two bickering all night, going on and on about eachother.
RODNEY: Oh just get to bed, you old bark.
ALBERT: Have fun sitting in the dark.
Albert goes and blows the candles out.
RODNEY: You dozy little..
Albert can be heard laughing.
DEL: Leave him, leave him. He’s more scared of the dark in he? He hasn’t even realised yet. Wait until he does, hehe. Well it’s been an eventful day an it Rodders. Ech ma cabrige as they say in France.
RODNEY: Ey?
DEL: Ech ma cabrige, ya’ know, I ech me cabridge, ech me cabrige, doo doo doo?
RODNEY: Del, do you even know what you’re saying right now?
DEL: No, I’m tired Rodders. I’m gonna’ pop off to the old Zzz land shortly. What about you?
RODNEY: I think I’m going to do the same.
DEL: Oh, don’t forget to bring those boxes in from the hallway!
RODNEY: Ey?
DEL: Don’t get lazy just because there is a blackout, It doesn’t mean you can stop working.
RODNEY: I don’t believe you sometimes Del.
DEL: Good boy. Night, night Rodney!
As Rodney goes out to fetch the boxes. Del locks the door. Leaving Rodney out in the hallway.
RODNEY: Del! DEL! I’m locked out.
Del can be heard laughing as he goes to bed.
DEL: NIGHT RODNEY!
It stops on Del’s face as he is laughing.
*FADES OUT*
*END CREDITS.*
Marty can I uses the Trigger conversation in this Only Fools and Horses movie fanfic I’m writing
It’s very good, could you take a look at mine, that’s Brotherhood by Matthew Bate. Thank you.
I’ve just had a few ideas for a script based around the late 1980s. It starts off with Rodney (who is skint and bored) inviting Micky Pearce round to the flat to muck about with Albert’s Ouija board while an unware Del and Albert are out on a date. The following evening, there appears to be an active poltergeist present in their flat. Objects move and strange knockings are heard. Even Rodney becomes possessed and develops a voice that he can’t control and a scared Del locks him in the bathroom and calls the priest. Yes the plot is a bit surreal (especially Rodney being possessed) but it attracts more opportunity for humour and there are lots of subplots to consider like Del or Albert inviting their date back to the flat. Is this a terrible idea? Or can this work if the writer strictly keep them in character?
I would love someone to try and write this. John Sullivan once wrote a rare surreal episode when they all went fishing in Cornwall.
No problem Brandon. I’m happy to give any advice and help I can.
Bill, Other than the possessed part I like your idea and have often dabbled with the idea of writing a haunted house themed episode but always found it difficult to ground them in reality.
I once wrote an episode to do with aliens (https://www.ofah.net/blog/media/page/8/) called the Day Peckham stood still which explained the paranormal happenings in a realistic way which is what you should aim for.
Ah I remember reading this alien script quite a while back and loved it. I’m going to read it again.
Yes the idea of Rodney becoming possessed is too surreal and certainly not the usual comical style of OFAH. I think I only suggested it because it might be interesting to kind of ‘tweak’ the usual OFAH style – as an experiment perhaps. I was watching an episode of Steptoe & Son when they were playing around with the Ouija board (quite similar in background) and thought it could of made a great OFAH episode.
I’ve read a few of your scripts now Brandon and I’ve seen that you seem to appreciate advice and I’d like encourage you if possible so I’m going to give you some.
I’ve written a few scripts for this website myself I’m currently working on one now.
The first peice of advice I’ll give you is ‘be funny’ I can’t find many actual gags in your work, and especially not many OFAH style gags, your humour is mainly derived from the characters having childish digs at each other, which to be fair does happen in the show but they were usually clever digs. For example you have Rodney saying “you’re still afraid of the dark, ha” when has Rodney ever talked like that? how old is he, 7?
an exchange about electricity use is quite weak but if you did want/need to include it the line could have been …
RODNEY:don’t try and turn it round on me Unc just cos your’re scared of the dark!
ALBERT: Scared of the dark? I spent much of the war in the dark
RODNEY: You spent much of the war in the sea!
write dialogue as the characters would say it. If you can’t imagine a character saying something or acting a certain way then you cannot write the character in that style. Also a script should have things like ‘Albert and del are sat arguing up the table about something. after a minute or 2 del comes in’ You need to script the argument as the reader shouldn’t have to make things up in their head for the rest to make sense.
Also, your trigger joke isn’t bad but its unnatural for Del and Rodney to discuss what might happen if he comes round, if you want to involve Trigger without featuring him how about something like this…
DEL. I wonder if the rest of the estate is out? I’ll phone trig
Del goes over to the phone and dials.
DEL.Trigger? it’s Delboy. listen, have you got a powercut over there? No!… yeah we have, it’s darker than Denzils shadow round ere tonight. What you up to then? Oh are ya, I’ll let you get back to bed son, see ya!
DEL. No no, nothing elsewhere, just us effected.
RODNEY. How does Trigger know there isn’t a powercut of he’s in bed?
DEL: He said a bus went past with it’s lights on.
Albert and Rodney react.
Another peice of advice I’ll give you is most people would rather read one good full lengh episode than 5 or 6 short episodes with very little content. Your powercut and stuck in the pub ideas are good (you have a talent for the ‘situation’ it’s the comedy you need to work on)
I hope this helps mate, this is genuine feedback to help you. I think you have potential.
Excellent advice MartyMcFry
I know Brandon continues to improve and this is very constructive
I also know how good you MartyMcFry scripts are and genuinely look forward to the release of your next one
Thanks so much, this is really, really helpful and is the sort of advice I was looking for. I totally understand where you are coming from, I’m going to work on another script and make it as a full length as possible. Going to really focus on the humor.
I’m going to watch a few series of Only Fools again I think to get my mindset back to how they interact and the digs they make at each other and get familiar with that. By the way, I wish I had included that Trig bit you put above I laughed at that, very much!
Once again thanks, this advice will help me greatly.
That was excellent advice, Marty. Although how about this:
RODNEY:don’t try and turn it round on me Unc just cos your’re scared of the dark!
ALBERT: Scared of the dark? I spent much of the war in the dark
RODNEY: As it’s pitch black underwater.
Nice little Episode, with some funny lines, I liked the ending where he locks Rodney out, and also the line when Del is talking about Trigger.
Del – “Imagine it, You going to switch the TV on then Del, That’s what it would be like with Trigger”
Thanks for the kind comments!