Del:         Ah! There you are you two, not before time. Have I got a fantastic job for you.

Denzil:    Looking forward to it Del, so long as it’s not helping to clear all this mess up!

Rodney: Whatever would have given him that idea eh Del?

Del:         Clearing a mess up! What do you take me for?

Trigger:  No, you said something about paperwork didn’t you Del?

Del:         Yes Trig, that’s right. It’s all these papers here. Look at it all, there’s mountains of it.

Denzil:    Mike’s fiddles is it?

Del:         Could be Denz, I’ve started to go through it but it’s a bit complicated. There’s letters here and

documents. I can’t make head nor tail of it.

Denzil:    What? And you want us to help decipher it all?

Del:         No, I want you to take it all down the skip.

Denzil:    So I was right all along! Bloody hell Del, you could have done that yourself! But instead you

thought you’d find yourself a couple of mugs! Well you’re out of luck Derek, the answer’s no.

Trigger:  Well I’ll do it.

Del:         That a boy Trigger, I’ll show you what needs to go.

Denzil:    Trigger, are you mad? Remember the last time we tidied up after his rubbish? It was toxic waste,

we spent a fortnight in hospital!

Trigger:  Yeah, but he bought us some grapes.

Denzil:    And what might he be bringing us this time, a wreath?

Rodney: Come on Denzil, be fair.

Del:         Yes, that’s right Rodney, well said. Nothing dodgy this time.

Rodney: No, I didn’t mean that, I meant that you’d be too tight to fork out for a wreath!

Del:         Thanks very much Rodders, who’s side are you on?

Rodney looks to each in turn.

Rodney: At times Del it, ain’t yours!

Del:         You’re just like Romeo Caesar you are.

Rodney: It’s Julius Caesar!

Del:         Julius? More like Judus with you, stabbing your own brother in the back. Well, Et tu Bruno!

Rodney: Wrong again, it’s Brutus!

Trigger:  No, it was definitely Judus Dave.

Del:         Judus? Bruno? Brutus? Brute would be more like it, we’re supposed to be partners here Rodders,

remember? (Looks at Trigger, then Denzil). Now look you two, I can’t offer the top exec jobs, I’m just the same old Del-boy I’ve always been. But when an opportunity comes along who do I call on? My oldest and bestest mates. Now what’s so wrong with that I don’t know. But honestly, (holds up hands resignedly), if you’d rather not bother to join in the enterprise then by all means just walk out the door now! No hard feelings.

Denzil:    Look, sorry Del, didn’t mean to be high and mighty about it, honest.

Del:         No, you’re alright Denzil, you get going, sorry to trouble you.

Denzil:    Del, honestly, I’ll do it for you. We both will, won’t we Trig?

Trigger:  I’m happy to help out Del-boy.

Del:         (Pleased) I knew you wouldn’t let me down! Now you’re talking. Right, first thing that needs

clearing are all these old kegs look! And then you can start on all those old crates of brown ale.

Denzil:    Brown ale? Who drinks that these days?

Del:         Exactly! That’s what I said to Sid earlier on, and that’s why these are all two years out of date.

Rodney: There’s Newcastle Brown Ale, that’s popular.

Del:         Yes, thank you Rodney, but these aren’t Newcastle brown are they. (picks one up) they’re

more like Old’hovel’ brown! This is the stuff that old blokes drank when I was Damien’s age.

Denzil:    Yeah, you wouldn’t catch the likes of Damien drinking it these days.

Del:         I caught him whipping a bottle yesterday, it’s another reason I want the lot outed!

Denzil:    Hey, who remembers Watney’s Party Seven?

Trigger:  No. Were they a bit like S Club Seven?

Del:         (Laughs) No Trig, nor The Fun Boy Three neither! Watney’s Party Seven, it was a beer! A take

out in a big can.

Denzil:    Always the last thing left to drink at a party.

Del:         (Looks at Trigger) S Club Seven!

Denzil:    So is that it then? The kegs and the brown?

Del:         Yeah, well, practically.

Rodney: How about the paperwork.

Del:         Oh yes, of course, that’s right, that’s what we were talking about look at it all. It all needs clearing.

Denzil:    Like I said before, what paperwork? (looks at Rodney) Is it important?

Rodney: No, I’ve looked at it Denzil, it’s just a load of old rubbish of Mike’s.

Del:         Yeah, we looked at it. Some of his fiddles are in there, we thought we’d better get rid.

Denzil:    Are you sure though Del? What if there’s something important?

Rodney: Yes, thank you Denzil. I said that but he took no notice!

Del:         Yes! And as I said, there’s a time to let sleeping dogs lie. Mike was and still is a mate. Get rid of

this in case there’s anything else dodgy in there.

Denzil:    I did wonder why you asked me to bring a shredder!

Del:         You brought it! Well done Denz, I knew you wouldn’t let us down. Rodders, I’d better be getting

back to give Raquel a hand, I’ll leave you down here with Trigger and Denzil.

Rodney: When did we discuss this then, partner!

Del:         I’ve been sorting stuff out here for hours Rodney, what have you done? Or has changing a couple

of nappies worn you out?

Rodney: I was here for the post this morning. And I’m not doing this, I’m not your skivvy.

Denzil and Trigger have already started, Denzil looks up and shakes his head.

Del:         You said last week to leave you with the paperwork.

Rodney: I meant office paperwork, not picking up bits of paper work. Anyway, you tried that line with

Denzil.

Del:         There’s a difference.

Denzil:    (looking up) Yeah, I fell for it!

Rodney: Yes, and I haven’t! I’m going back to the flat Del, I’ll do the accounts.

Del:         Very well Rodney, if you really insist. OK, just you two then, and do the paperwork first. like I

said, that’s the most important, we need to lose it just in case. Now if you need me, I’ll be in the

bar.

Trigger:  Leave it to us Del-Boy.

Del and Rodney exiting, leaving Trigger and Denzil to the clearing up.