12 Responses to “Only Fools and Horses Script – Trouble”

  1. Jimmy says:

    Brilliant story Brandon it is very good luv when Del comes into the livingroom with pots and pans to wake up Damien’s friends found that very funny hav yu any more stories.

  2. Griff says:

    Brandon – nobody can fault your enthusiasm. I began writing a couple of OFAH scripts about 10 years ago or so, and shortly after I began jotting down ideas of my own sitcom.

    It has to be one of the most difficult things to do creativily.

    Have a read of my poor attempts at OFAH scripts that are on this site:
    ‘Never Ending Day’ and ‘Justice Awaits’. I prefer Justice Awaits due to the slightly better story line. It’s based on Mike’s court case. I was only 17 or 18 when I wrote it mind. The grammar is quite awful in parts. I’ve never been one to proof-read!

  3. dan says:

    Firstly i want to say, i really enjoyed the script, it was not too short and not too long, so just long enough the read and enjoy…

    But i want to give you some Constructive criticism.

    1 – “Del you seen how tall I am? I grew up a long time ago Son”

    This doesn’t sound like a line Rodney would say in the show

    2 – EMPLOYEE: Sir you either pay, or you leave and sleep in the cold outside.

    Again, this doesn’t sound like a believable piece of dialogue

    3 – Del calls Rodney a “Bark” quite a few times, You could vary the insults i think

    Some parts i found really good, like the Rat Boy scenes…

    RODNEY: Where is rat boy then?
    DEL: Who?
    RODNEY: Rat boy?
    DEL: Boycie?
    RODNEY: No, Damien!

    and

    DAMIEN: Ya’ alright Dad.
    DEL: Where you been then?
    DAMIEN: Just out with the lads ya’ know, want a drink? I’ve got some left.
    DEL: Bit too early for me Son.
    DAMIEN: I’m off to bed anyway night.
    DEL: Night son.

    Those two scenes were really well written.

    Also, the part where Del and Rodney Reminisce about their days in the market was quite nice.

    And then the line when Rodney said “At least Albert’s war stories actually sent me to sleep, your annoying voice just keeps me awake” – That made me laugh.

    So all in all, i would say this is a very good effort, which genuinely made me laugh, and I’m glad i took the time to read it.

    Hopefully my little pieces of criticism will help make your next script even better, and if i had to rate it out of 10, i would give it a solid 7/10

    And i always enjoy reading these fan made scripts, So i look forward to your next one :)

    • Brandon says:

      Wow thanks. I’m really appreciate you taking the time to reflect and tell me what was good and bad. Your advice will come in handy for my next scene. I’ll start using ‘Plonker’
      ‘Wally’ etc more, it’s just most of the time Bark seems to come quickly as Del did say it a lot!

      Once again thanks, really appreciate you taking the time to give me advice.

  4. Brandon says:

    I know I’m not exactly the best at writing scripts which Is why I post these, so that I can get advice and work on it, which is what I’m trying to do, I’m working on a much more developed script, using the advice I’ve been given. I’m going to try and not stray to far from the original idea or make it too ridiculous.

    So, be honest and give me feedback I don’t mind, it’s helping me not hindering.

  5. bill says:

    I don’t know where to start.

    • Brandon says:

      Okay, well I’d appreciate it, if you did give me feedback..

      • Bill says:

        I have to admit, I enjoyed reading it more the second time round. There was some good moments in the hotel and I laughed when Rodney said to Del that his annoying voice just kept him awake.

        I used to try writing comedy scripts (as a hobby of mine) when I was younger. I’ve noticed that you make the same mistakes that I did. The characters are telling eachother the subplot rather than letting the viewers discover the plot. There also wasn’t really a plot. It was more like a scene from a ‘comic relief’ kind of episode without a conclusion. I didn’t feel satisfied at the end. But I enjoyed reading it through.

        I was quite satisfied with the characters. Most of the time, I could imagine those characters actually saying what was in the script. Although I do agree that the announcer and the employer desperately needs a rewrite. Oh and I don’t think that even Del is daft enough to ask a stressed Raquel where his breakfast is. I agree that Del is behind the times the way he treats women but that line was ‘Charles Dickens!’

        Have you tried writing backwards? Put the characters in an extremely exciting or dangerous situation then ask yourself how they got in that situation. When you do decide on that answer, write the scene what got them in the dangerous/exciting situation next. Then write the scene that leads to that scene. A satisfying ending should make the reader or viewer content IF your ending is the answer to the ‘question’. Then add a hint of the ‘question’ at the beginning last. I believe that most professional writers never write the beginning first.

        I’ll give it 7 out of 10.
        (I hope any of that is useful info)

        • Brandon says:

          Thankyou so much. You have gone so much in to detail and the advice you have mentioned is very, very helpeful. Thank you for the useful information, really appreciated.

          I will try to write backwards as I write the new script and see how it goes!

  6. Brandon says:

    I’m beginning to think it might have been funnier if they had been stranded in the airport instead. But hey ho! It’s been written now!

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