ONLY FOOLS AND HORSES

(A Script by Pete Rigby) Part 1 |  2

“They think it’s all Over part 3”

Scene 6
EXT. PUB CAR PARK. AFTERNOON

Belinda presses the swap on her car alarm. A beep is heard revealing Belinda’s car. It’s a red Ferrari. Del is shocked and impressed.

DEL: Is that your car?

BELINDA: Yes, lovely isn’t it? I couldn’t resist it. Only £100,000.

DEL: Bargain.

Belinda opens the door.

DEL: Right I’ll be in touch

BELINDA: This is my business card. Call me anytime if you have any questions you’d like to ask.

DEL: Thank-you Belinda. There is one question. What are you doing tomorrow tonight?

Scene 7
INT. FLAT. AFTERNOON.

Del is on the phone.

DEL: Alright Bobby? Del Trotter here…..Yeh….Yeh…..Sure, I’ll pop round straight away.

Del picks up his keys and leaves the flat.

Scene 8
EXT. BOBBY RAMPLING’S DRIVEWAY. AFTERNOON

Del pulls up into Bobby Rampling’s drive-way. He turns off the engine. He looks in the back of the van and sees the box he found outside the warehouse the previous evening.

DEL: (to himself) Blimey, I forgot about that.

Just as he reaches over to pick up the box he hears the voice of Bobby Rampling.

BOBBY: Del-boy, me old china!

DEL: Alright Bobby?

BOBBY: Come in Del, good to see you.

Del leaves the box and gets out of the van. He follows Bobby into the house.

Scene 9
INT. BOBBY RAMPLING’S HOUSE. AFTERNOON

DEL: Nice place you’ve got here Bob.

BOBBY: Yeh, it ain’t bad is it?

DEL: Not bad at all.

BOBBY: Yeh, we moved back this way a few months ago.

DEL: I thought I hadn’t seen you around.

BOBBY: What about you Del, the last time I saw you, you was working on some silly little stall.

DEL: Yeh, well, I’m still there.

BOBBY: Still there?

DEL: Well, it keeps the old tax-man off my back and it gives me a bit of freedom to dabble a bit in other things.

BOBBY: Smart idea.

DEL: Anyway, you said you wanted to have a word with me.

BOBBY: Yes Del. Now, I don’t know if you know, but I own that warehouse down the Lower Road. You know. The big one by the roundabout. Anyway, last night some dirty little lowlifes decided to rob me.

Del looks in horror.

DEL: Nah, what a liberty.

BOBBY: Yeh, that’s what I thought. My poor security guards. They roughed ‘em up, tied ‘em up. You name it. They’re in a right state.

DEL: Here, you don’t think it was me do you?

Bobby laughs.

BOBBY: Of course not Del. These were professionals.

DEL: (relieved and hurt) Oh, right. Well how can I help you?

BOBBY: Well, I thought, who do I know who knows this area? And I thought. I know. Del Trotter. You know all the villains round here don’t ya?

DEL: Only the ones that are still alive.

BOBBY: Well if you hear anything on the grapevine. Give me a call. They’ll be a nice little drink in it for you.

DEL: I’m no grass Bobby. You know that.

BOBBY: I know Del. But these guys are lowlife. What they did to my men was well above the call of duty. They were bang out of order. And nothing would please me more than to see them go down for a long stretch. After I’ve tortured them first of course.

DEL: You leave it to me, if I hear anything I’ll let you know. So you think they’re big-time do ya?

BOBBY: Not entirely. You see, they dropped a few boxes on their way out. Very clumsy. We recovered some of the stock but most of it is still missing.

DEL: Well, I’ll keep me ear to the ground.

BOBBY: Cheers Del. I knew I could rely on you. Fancy a brandy?

DEL: No, you’re alright Bob. It’s a bit early for me.

Bobby pours himself a drink.

DEL: So, what was in the boxes Bob?

BOBBY: Oh nothing valuable. In fact, they done me a right favour.

DEL: Why’s that?

BOBBY: Well, the warehouse ain’t exactly a warehouse.

DEL: No? What is it then?

BOBBY: It’s a kind of ‘holding depot’.

DEL: Holding depot?

BOBBY: Yeh. We look after very valuable objects for very big clients.

DEL: What sort of clients?

BOBBY: The government.

DEL: The government?

BOBBY: Yeh, amongst others. Anyway, the boxes that were stolen contained hand grenades for the British Army.

Del stares in shock.

DEL: Hand grenades for the British Army?

BOBBY: That’s right Del. They were due to be sent back today.

DEL: Sent back? Why?

BOBBY: Cos they’re faulty Del.

DEL: Faulty? Why, what’s the matter with them?

BOBBY: The pin has been connected incorrectly. So the timer is knackered. I found out today that they could explode any second.

DEL: Explode? Here Bob, I think I will have that drink. A large one!

Bobby pours Del a brandy.

BOBBY: Anyway, I’ve got a problem.

DEL: (whispers to himself) You ain’t the only one.

BOBBY: I’ve got no-one to look after the warehouse tonight. All my men are still in hospital suffering from shock. I’ve rang round a few of my contacts but I can’t get anyone who can supply security guards. So, if you know anyone, I’d be grateful if you pointed them in my direction.

DEL: Well, I could ask about for you but I can’t promise anything Bob. Don’t you need an SIA license though?

BOBBY: Nah, it’s just for one night. I’m not bothered if they haven’t even got any experience. I just want 4 guys who know each other and have worked together before. I’ve got a very valuable consignment in there that I’m looking after for FIFA.

DEL: FIFA?

BOBBY: Yes. It’s the England World Cup shirts Del. Specially designed.

DEL: Bloody hell.

BOBBY: These ain’t the shirts that the fans wear. No no. These are the player’s shirts. Seven shirts for each member of the squad. One for each game should we reach the final.

DEL: Blimey!

BOBBY: Exactly. And there are 22 players in the squad. That’s 154 shirts. These shirts are worth £300 each on the black market. That’s nearly 50 grand’s worth. If I can find 4 guys, I’m willing to pay them 250 quid each. Cash in hand. That’s double the going rate. Not bad for a night’s work.

DEL: Did you say 250 each?

BOBBY: That’s right Del.

DEL: Hang about. I think I’ve solved your problem.

BOBBY: Yeh? Do you know someone?

DEL: Do I know someone? You’re looking at him.

BOBBY: You?

DEL: Yeh.

BOBBY: But I need 4 men.

DEL: Don’t worry, I know just the guys.

BOBBY: Ok. Come on, I’ll take you round the warehouse now and show you what’s what.

Scene 10
EXT. BOBBY RAMPLING’S DRIVEWAY. AFTERNOON

BOBBY: Shall we take your van Del?

DEL: Err! Best not Bob, we’ve had a drink, ain’t we?

BOBBY: Yeh, that’s true. You can never be too careful. We’ll take mine.

Del stares in shock.

More in part 4 tomorrow