Only Fools Fan Script – Broke – 1

Only Fools Fan Kiel Phillips presents a superb Only Fools and Horses Fan script called Broke circa series 2

Only Fools fan script – Broke – Part 1

SCENE 1 – MARKET – DAY

DEL IS STANDING WITH A SMALL CROWD AROUND HIM, HE HAS THE SUITCASE ON A SMALL FOLDING TABLE BEHIND HIM. IN HIS HAND HE HOLDS AN ELECTRONIC CHILD’S TOY WITH SOME BUTTONS AND FLASHING LIGHTS

DEL: Now ladies and gentlemen, what we’ve got here is the creme de menthe of child’s learning toys. This amazing little gadget has been developed by both NASA scientists and the top minds at MENSA. Not only will this toy teach your little cherubs their ABC’s and 1,2,3’s better than the Jackson 5, but it does it all in Chinese

THE CROWD START TO GROAN AND GET RESTLESS AS DEL PRESSES SOME OF THE BUTTONS TO DEMONSTRATE, THE TOY RHYMES OFF SOME CHINESE

DEL: No, listen up, now because of a contact i have at the Chinese branch of NASA i have been able to get you all a once in a lifetime, never to be repeated deal. These usually retail at £12.99, thanks to my shrewd bit of business and charms i am able to offer them to you right now for £2.50. Come on, don’t all rush.

THE CROWD DISPERSE, DEL DESPERATELY SHOUTS AFTER THEM

DEL: Alright, steal them from me for £2 and I’m eating beans and toast for the rest of the week.

THE CROWD LOST HE TURNS AROUND AND THROWS THE TOY INTO THE SUITCASE WHICH IS FULL OF THEM, IT SETS OFF A FEW OF THEM AND WE HEAR SOME CHINESE. DEL SLAMS THE SUITCASE CLOSED

DEL: Shut up

RODNEY ENTERS THE SCENE, HE IS CARRYING A PAPER CUP

DEL: Oh the wanderer returns

RODNEY: I ain’t been that long

DEL: Lord Lucan has been gone less time than you. Come on, hand over the tea.

RODNEY: This is mines

DEL: Where the bleedin’ hell’s mine?

RODNEY: I couldn’t afford to get you one

DEL: Well that’s charming that eh, here’s me, standing here freezing by ba… bits off trying to sell this crap and i don’t even get a drink to warm me up. What happened your wages?

RODNEY: Wages? Oh, the fiver you gave me on Friday, i bought a packet of fags and a dirty boo… one of my adult art magazines.

DEL: Yeah, well we haven’t been doing so well have we. We can’t afford to put petrol in the van, we’ve got more bills than Donald Duck’s family reunion and if Old Mother Hubbard looked in our cupboards she’d cry. If things don’t pick up sharpish I’m afraid you won’t be getting any wages this week either bruv

RODNEY: Oh bloody hell Del, I’m supposed to be taking the girl from the bookies out on Saturday night.

DEL: Not Eileen?

RODNEY: No, Vicky

DEL: Yeah that’s her

RODNEY: Why do you call her Eileen?

DEL: Cos she has one leg shorter than the other

RODNEY: It’s not that noticeable

DEL: Not that noticeable? If she tried to run without her built up shoe she’d look like a dog chasing its tail, and that’s not where the similarities to a dog end

RODNEY: What do you mean by that?

DEL: She’s a bit of a bow wow ain’t she. I mean, i know you don’t mind them a bit rough and ready, but she looks like a bulldog that has got into its owners make-up bag.

RODNEY: You’re a sexist pig you are

DEL: Oh shut up you soppy tart. Come on, lift that suitcase and table, I’ve had enough of today, by the time we’ve walked home it’ll be knocking off time anyway.

RODNEY LIFTS THE SUITCASE AND THEN DOESN’T KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH THE TEA SO HE CAN LIFT THE TABLE

DEL: Here, I’ll hold that for you

DEL TAKES THE TEA

RODNEY: Cheers

RODNEY LIFTS THE TABLE AND DEL STARTS DRINKING THE TEA. RODNEY REACTS AS HE TURNS ROUND AND SEES THIS.

DEL: Lovely jubbly

This only fools and horses script continues tomorrow