From our veteran script writer Jimmy Connerly we are pleased to present the concluding part…
Back to Part 1 – Back to Part 2
The Trotter Olympics – part 3
SCENE 3– A week later. The Streets of Luton. Mid afternoon
It is raining but still a large crowd lines both sides of the road, there is much merriment.
Del is standing with Sebastian Coe waving to the crowd and saying “lovely-jubbly”. Lord Coe seems to be briefing Del on what to do when the Olympic torch is passed over.
The wet and haggard figures of Raquel and Rodney come through the crowd and walk up to Del.
Del: Ah, there you are you two, you’re cutting it a bit fine, you almost missed it.
Rodney: We were delayed while security searched this! (Rodney indicates the suitcase) What
did you get me to bring this for?
Del: This is what I was telling you about in the pub. Look at the crowds Rodney, when I’ve passed over the torch down the road we can knock all this Olympic gear out.
Rodney: What in this weather? Bloody hell Del we’ll get drenched!
Del: Too late Rodney, you’re one giant drip already. Where is your eye for business? You wouldn’t see that Donald Tramp being put off by a few spots of rain….
Raquel: Listen here Trotter, I didn’t come all this way to hang about in the rain waiting for you. When this is all over I want to go straight home.
Before being able to make a reply an official taps Del on the shoulder and mentions something in his
ear.
Del: Looks like it’s action stations you two, the torch is on its way. Now when I go off you two follow sharply behind with that suitcase.
Lord Coe is looking on and notices the suitcase Del has mentioned and looks curious:
Seb: Why did you bring a suitcase Derek?
Del: Oh nothin’ Seb, just a few odds and ends, you know. Actually Seb, now I think of it I’ve got some lovely Trevor Francis track suits in the garage at home. Ideal for running in if you are interested, now they’d normally retail at a hundred but to you….
Seb: No, I don’t really do much running these days… Oh hang on, are you ready Derek? The Olympic torch is here.
They all look round, the torch is on its way, being carried excitedly by an old lady.
Del: Gaw, blimey, who this then?
Seb: Her name is Edna. She carried the torch in the last London Olympics in 1948.
Del: What, and she’s only just got here?
As Edna approaches, the torch is taken by an official who walks across and gives it to Del. Del
proudly holds it aloft and starts running down the road with it. He is running in slow motion and is
recreating the theme from Chariots of Fire again.
Del: Der, der, der, der, derrr, der…. Der, der, der, der, der….
At the pace Del is running they are hardly moving at all. Rodney looks at Raquel and shakes his head.
They fall back to slightly distance themselves from the spectacle of Del and also to talk privately.
Raquel: Why do I get this awful feeling of dread welling up in my stomach?
Rodney: What? Like he’s going to do something stupid?
Raquel: Yes, have you got that feeling as well?
Rodney: Not especially, I always have that feeling when I’m with Del.
The officials are starting to bunch up and are indicating to the followers that Del needs to run a bit
faster.
Del: Der, der, der, der, derrrrr der…
Rodney: (Shouts) You’ve got to speed it up Del!
Del turns to see what the problem is.
Del: What’s up Rodders?
Rodney: We’re all bunched up, you need to run faster.
Raquel: Even Edna was faster than you!
Del: Faster? Oh, righto, if it’s a turn of foot you’re after I’ll go like the wind, you watch
this.
Del starts to run quite fast and the rest follow. After a dozen or so strides Del looks round to the followers.
Del: How’s that now? Are you still keeping up there Rodney?
Rodney: Watch where you’re going Del!
Del has veered across the road and is heading towards the crowd. He turns and corrects himself but in doing so he stumbles and trips over his own feet. He falls to the floor and in breaking his fall he drops the Olympic torch which rolls away into a large puddle. Del gets up and brushes himself down. Lord Coe picks up the extinguished torch.
Seb: This is a disaster! Now what are we going to do? The flame has gone out!
Del: Don’t worry pal, just wipe it down and relight it?
Seb: No Derek, you don’t understand, the flame has come directly from Athens.
Del: Athens?
Seb: Yes, Athens in Greece, the home of the Olympics. That’s what the torch relay is,
taking the flame from its home in Greece to the stadium here in London.
Raquel: And you dropped it in a puddle.
Rodney: Don’t you just bloody love him!
Del: Oh no, I didn’t realise!
Seb: I don’t know what we can do!
Del: Hang about, Athens you say? Rodney, pass me that suitcase!
Rodney passes the suitcase, Del open it and takes out one of the 2008 Olympic lighters.
Del: Here you go everyone, direct from Athens.
Seb Coe and the rest of the officials look less than impressed but let Del relight the torch. When done Coe snatches the torch from him and takes off with it himself, smiling to the crowd. The Trotters are about to follow but an official indicates to them that they had best remain where they are. They watch as the torch party run off.
Rodney: Cos-bloody-mic, that’s another situation you totally ballsed up Del, I don’t believe you sometimes.
Del: I got it lit again didn’t I?
Raquel: It’s starting to rain a bit heavier again Del and we have to get by all these crowds still. Can’t we just go home?
Del: Crowds? Oh yes, in all the excitement I almost forgot. Where’s that suitcase?
Rodney: Del, we aren’t going to sell anything now, not in the rain.
Del: Ladies, gentlemen! Grab your wallets, grab your purses and gather round. I have tickets for everything on the Olympic calendar. At just today, special offers on the indoor events. Especially bought to keep you dry when it’s raining. Better still – come and buy these special Olympic torch lighting lighters. Guaranteed straight from Athens!! As you have just seen – ACTUALLY used to light the Olympic torch!!!!.
Rodney and Raquel look on in amazement as the crowd goes over to Del and starts buying.
Rodney: I tell you what Raquel.
Raquel: What?
Rodney: If being a scheming git was an Olympic sport I reckon I know who’d win the gold!
Raquel: Yeah, and then sell it!
The End
Great to read about the Trotters. Actually this story is closer to fact than you’d realise as someone from Peckham (aka me!) will be carrying the torch, although for the Paralympics rather than the Olympics. Cushty!