Some characters seem to get all the one-liners while others don’t. So what is your favourite one-liner from Only Fools and Horses?
Here are a few to get you started…
From Trigger:
Trig: “If the baby’s a boy they’re going to call him Rodney after Dave.”
Trig: “Alright Dave”
Trig: “I’ll have one”
Trig: “This old broom has had 17 new heads and 14 new handles”
Trig: “Yeah, I come as a chauffer. I feel a bit stupid now.”
Trig: “Why Ask?”
From Rodney:
Rodney: “Thanks to you I am now a 26 year-old man who just came second in a skateboard race”
Rodney: “I hate you Del”
Rodney: “The only job I ever fancied, and it was my own!”
Rodney: “Yes you let us”
From Del:
Del: “Unless there singing summer holidays, we will fear the worst!”
Del: “Now, how do you spell ‘Arrods?”
Del: “Is that our car phone i can here ringing Rodney”
Del: “What was it a soft-top car?”
Del: “Shut up you tart!”
Del: “We never pulled birds in the old days so what chance we got now?”
From Boycie
Boycie: “What have you two come as then?”
From Albert:
Albert: “Vot iz your name!”
From Grandad:
Grandad: “I asked for a Cheeseburger not an emperor burger!”
From Denzil
Denzil: “Didn’t you know Harry had died?”
What is your favourite one-liners from our favorite sitcom?
If there are enough comments we may run a poll.
Trigger in heroes and villains. It’s bound to tell you on the ticket
Del Boy ;- Whats the French for Duck?
Rodney ;- Canard
Del Boy ;- I know it is but whats the word?
JUDGE to Delboy when he was up for fraud: ‘Have you got anything you would like to say for yourself Mr Trotter?’
DELBOY: I would just like to say that my cheques were always on time. Fair do’s they bounced, but they was always on time!’
I don’t know what my one was, but here is my favourites:
Del: (Quietly) During the war…
Albert: During the war [CONTINUES, BUT NO ONE IS LISTENING]
(The Jolly Boys’ Outing)
Del: You’re the one with the GCEs!
Rodney: I have a GCE in Maths and Art! I ain’t got a GCE in PORK!
(Sleeping Dogs Lie)
Del: Who was that?
Rodney: Er, Mickey Pearce.
Grandad: Well I’d have to think twice!
(No Greater Love)
There are some more: the one where Trigger says Dave although Rodney told him not to say that (Homesick), the ’42-carat plonker’ line that Del said, and “Should I get his balls?” in Sleeping Dogs Lie (Del replies “You leave him alone Rodney!”)
There’s too many I really like!!
Del- I’m an achiever, never actually achieved nuffinck mind you, but I’ve always been in with a shout.
Casandra’s Dad: what we’ve got here is Hobson’s choice. There’s no train until the morning, no buses, our own coach is somewhat out of action. The coach company have said they’ll send a replacement at 9 am tomorrow morning, so there you have it.
Trigger: so what you saying then?
Also:
Del: you should have more respect, he’s a war hero!
Albert: I fought for free speech!
Del: sharaaaaappppp!!!
Both Classic one liners
How about in “Time On Our Hands”
Del cuts Albert off at “During the..” threatening to pour a cup of tea over his head should he complete the sentence “During the war…”
Albert cunningly says “During the 1939-1945 conflict with Germany…”
sorry not right one my other one is right by emilyxx!!!!1
rodney:great, the only girl that has ever meant something to me, and she’s my neice!!!
rodney:great, the only girl that’s ever meant something to me, and she’s my bloody neice!!!
cracks me up!!!x
Boycie: Well, Michael. How’s business at the pub?
Mike: Not bad, Boycie. Not bad. Oh, you didn’t hear did you? Thursday night, some burk nicked me cigarette machine.
Boycie: Never?! What about that Sonic burgelar alarm Del Boy sold ya?
Mike: Oh yeah! They nicked that ‘an ‘all!.
Boycie: HaHaHaHaHaHa *notices vicar* uhhh *cough cough*.
Grandad: ” I want a CANARY!”
Boycie: (Boycie holding his hurt nose),Whats good for a broken nose
Trigger: Baseball bat, knuckle dusters
Boycie: I mean my nose might be broken
LOL CLASSIC ALWAYS MAKES ME LAUGH SO MUCH X
I that actor Sidney Potter, always plays the black fella.
EPISODE: Fatal Extraction
RECEPTIONIST: whats wrong with you you moron.
TRIGGER:Oh just a couple of fillings please.
CLASSIC!!!
It’s got to be during the warrrrrrrrrrr?
were did you get those aces. the same place you got those kings. i knew you were cheating me boycie. yeah how. because thats not the hand that i dealt you.
rodney : if theres such a thing as reincarnation knowing my luck i’ll come back as me!
Definitily the funniest Rodney line
Class of 62
Denzil – Just I had this idea running through my head
Boycie – Well lend it to Trigger!
are you having fun?
Groovy
ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh the groovy gang
I will be crwying
cwying cwying!!!!!!!!
the singing dustman Tony Angelino
Albert: During The War
Del: If you say during the war once more i will poor this cup of tea all over your head
Albert: i wasent gonna say during the war
Del: Well thats are right then
Albert: Bloody Know it all
Albert: During the 1943 to 1945 conflict with Germany
Haha Smart Thinking From Albert
Close, a basic history lesson will show your error I guess…even Alebert remembered it was 1939-1945!
Close, but his name is Albert not Alebert :P
Haha, note to self, proofread before correcting others! :)
OFAH Rules!!!!
Del: Lovely Jubbly!!!
CLASSIC!!!!
” Dont mention the war, I mentioned the war once and I think I got away with it”
Close…wrong sitcom though
Class of ’62
Trigger- ‘I got lost on my way here’
Denzil- ‘You’ve been coming to this pub since you were 16’
Trigger- ‘No I found the pub alright, I mean I couldn’t find this room. I’ve been standing in your dance hall for the last hour’
Mike- ‘All the lights are out, Trig’
Trigger- ‘I know’
Boycie- ‘You’ve been standing in the dark for an hour?’
Trigger- ‘Yeah. I thought we was all gonna jump out and surprise someone’
Mike- ‘But there’s no one else in there!’
Trigger- ‘Well I didn’t know that did I? The lights were out’
Love this.
John Sullivan – you beauty.
Rodney: Ive just met the first girl in my life who really means something to me and it turns out to be my bloomin neice!
Episode: Happy Returns
Boyce what’s good for a broken nose
Trigger Baseball bat knuckle duster
Pure comedy!
NOW YOU’VE NAKERED A GRAVY BOAT!!
Mickey: What you’ve gotta do, Rodney, is make Cassandra jealous.
Rodney: Yeah… Why?
Mickey: Make her think other women find you desirable.
Rodney: Yeah!
Chris: Don’t encourage Rodney to tell her lies!
mental micky -rodney i do the 1/2/3/4s
Rodney – We’re not dealing with an normal human being this is Derek Trotter! don’t you understand he is sucking the land dry!!
I forget how good that one was. Classic Only Fools!
“I don’t know, I never smoked astroturf”
del:this time next year we’ll be millionares
So many, from different episodes
Del: You’re not interested Rodney so it’s purely epidemic innit eh?
Grandad: He didn’t have a bucket and a chamois leather did he?
Trigger: You going to get this meeting started Baz, me and Dave haven’t got all night.
Del: Yeah, my favourite bit, is when the spaceship comes down and all the little martians come out.
Del: I never used to open my ‘chute until I saw the tops of the trees. At night.
Rodnes: Yeah well he used to be 6 foot 6 but like he said he had a bad landing
the list is endless…
Frog’s Legacy, as the hearse goes past the market, Boycee ” Albert, ur minicab’s arrived!!”
Del: “As Macbeth said to Hamlet in “Midsummer Night’s Dream”, “We’ve been done up like a couple of kippers.”
Class quote from Only Fools and Horses
Come on Rodney bring your cheese !
–DEL BOY–
[Happy Returns]
Del: Alright, Rodney. Come on, that’s why I had to tell you, you see, ‘cos this sort of thing it ain’t allowed…it’s…well it’s incense!
[Yuppy Love]
Leading up to the one liner Del says “Look, Rodney. I wanna be successful, but not for the money. I want the power and the influence that success brings.”
Rodney: And what will you do with all this power and influence?
Del: Spend it!
–RODNEY–
Rodney: Who done it? Whatcha mean ‘who done it’? We know who done it..the rhino done it.
Uncle Albert: Cold? You bits of kids don’t know the meaning of the word. You should have been with me on the Russian convoys. One night it was so cold the flame on my lighter froze!
Rodney: Come on then, just one quick light ale.
Del – I thought you said this place was open 24 hours
Trig – Yeah but not at night!
Del – Trig what are you doing here
Trig – You told me to meet you here!
Grandad: “ere, they’re not very big are they?”
Del: “What do ya mean not very big? you wouldn’t like one up your nose as a wart would ya!?”
Dentist: Don’t worry you won’t feel a thing, I will just make one side of your face numb
Del: Ah you see, the thing is I am in a bit of a hurry
Dentist: It’ll only take five minutes
Del: My brother is out there in the van
Dentist: Just a little pr*ck
Del: Oh do you know him then, do you?
So many.. So so many.
I’ve got to say I loved a lot of the one liners in Rock and Chips.
Trigg: I aint got no vest on, but you don’t hear me braggin’!
Counsellor: Has your father in law got a disabilty Mrs Trotter?
Joan: Yes, he’s useless.
Joan/Del Boy: J’adore un soixante neuf!!
Hahaha, John had it until the end..
Trigger- “And someone stole my dolphin” in jolly boys outing
Grandad’s ‘What you got a Wendy House’. Classic.