{"id":1459,"date":"2010-01-26T13:31:13","date_gmt":"2010-01-26T13:31:13","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.ofah.net\/blog\/?p=1459"},"modified":"2016-01-23T14:52:03","modified_gmt":"2016-01-23T14:52:03","slug":"d-t-phone-home","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.ofah.net\/blog\/d-t-phone-home\/","title":{"rendered":"D.T. Phone Home &#8211; Part 1"},"content":{"rendered":"<div class=\"d7386eeb5bdcd2f43c1295b58ceaf130\" data-index=\"3\" style=\"float: right; margin:5px 0 5px 5px;\">\n<amp-auto-ads type=\"adsense\"\r\n              data-ad-client=\"ca-pub-1609637348681190\">\r\n<\/amp-auto-ads>\n<\/div>\n<h2>D.T. PHONE HOME &#8211;\u00a0part 1\u00a0(Fans Script)<\/h2>\n<h3>BY PETE RIGBY<\/h3>\n<p>It\u2019s year 2010. Raquel has left Del Boy but no one knows. She has taken Damien, now 19 years old, and she\u2019s renting an apartment in Greenwich. Del is running Trotters Independent Trading on his own. Rodney is back working in IT. Cassandra is still working at the bank and their daughter, Joanie, is now 7 years old.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Scene 1: Peckham High Street. Morning<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>Del is driving his Reliant Regal. He spots Trigger sweeping the road and pulls over<\/p>\n<p>Trigger: Alright Del?<br \/>\nDel: Here Trig, you know all the streets round here don\u2019t ya. Have you ever heard of Randsdowne House?<br \/>\nTrigger: Yeah. Why d\u2019ya wanna know Del?<br \/>\nDel: It\u2019s my doctor\u2019s surgery, they\u2019ve moved to this Randsdowne House. So, are you gonna tell me where it is then?<br \/>\nTrigger: Yeah, go straight ahead right, and do a left<br \/>\nDel: Right<br \/>\nTrigger: Right. Then another left<br \/>\nDel: Right<br \/>\nTrigger: Then another left<br \/>\nDel: Right<br \/>\nTrigger: Right. Then another left. Right?<br \/>\nDel: Nah you\u2019ve lost me Trig<br \/>\nTrigger: Well, it\u2019s just left, left, left, left<br \/>\nDel: Left, left, left, left?<br \/>\nTrigger: That\u2019s right Del<br \/>\nDel: Hang on a minute, if I do a left 4 times, I\u2019ll be back where I started<br \/>\nTrigger: I know. It\u2019s just over there<\/p>\n<p>Trigger points to a building 20 yards behind them<\/p>\n<p>Del: Well why didn\u2019t you just say that you wally<br \/>\nTrigger: You\u2019re driving and you can\u2019t turn round here Del. It\u2019s a one-way<br \/>\nDel: I don\u2019t believe you sometimes Trig<\/p>\n<p>Del starts the engine<\/p>\n<p>Trigger: Fancy a pint lunchtime Del<br \/>\nDel: Yeah alright Trig, I\u2019ve gotta drop some stuff off at Boycie\u2019s in a bit. I\u2019ll see you in a couple of hours<br \/>\nTrigger: Okay Del<\/p>\n<p>Trigger walks off. Del reverses back onto a meter outside Randsdowne House. He searches in the van for a suitable bag then places it over the parking meter. It reads \u2018Doctor on Call\u2019.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Scene 2: Doctor\u2019s Surgery waiting-room<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>Del sits waiting to be called. He looks around the room at the posters on the wall. One reads \u2018Depressed? We can help\u2019. Del shudders and picks up a magazine and opens it. It reads \u2018Lonely? Call the Samaritans\u2019. Del puts the magazine down.<\/p>\n<p>Receptionist: The doctor is ready to see you now Mr. Trotter<\/p>\n<p><strong>Scene 3: Doctor\u2019s room<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>Doctor: Come in Mr. Trotter, take a seat<br \/>\nDel: Hello Doc. You\u2019re new ain\u2019t ya?<br \/>\nDoctor: No. I\u2019ve been here for 10 years<br \/>\nDel: 10 years?<br \/>\nDoctor: Yes. I see from your records you haven\u2019t been to the doctor\u2019s since\u2026\u2026\u2026.. 1998<br \/>\nDel: Really? That long, eh. Well, that just goes to show how healthy I am<br \/>\nDoctor: Mmmm. Or how scared you are<br \/>\nDel: Nothing wrong with me Doc<br \/>\nDoctor: If there was nothing wrong with you Mr. Trotter, you wouldn\u2019t be here would you? We do advise all our patients over 50 to have a medical every couple of years. It\u2019s nothing to worry about. You come in, we give you the once over. And hopefully, at the end, we issue you with a clean bill of health. It\u2019s just like an M.O.T<br \/>\nDel: Is it? I usually bung Nobby Clark a pony, and he sorts me out a bent one<\/p>\n<p>The Doctor stares at Del<\/p>\n<p>Doctor: Anyway, how can I help you?<br \/>\nDel: I need something to help me get to kip Doctor<br \/>\nDoctor: And why have you got insomnia?<br \/>\nDel: Cos I can\u2019t sleep<br \/>\nDoctor: We\u2019ve established that Mr. Trotter. Why can\u2019t you sleep?<br \/>\nDel: I\u2019ve got a lot on my mind<br \/>\nDoctor: What have you got on your mind?<br \/>\nDel: Bleeding hell, are you sure I ain\u2019t wondered into the nick?<br \/>\nDoctor: The nick?<br \/>\nDel: Yeah. The last time I got asked 3 questions on the spin was in Peckham Police Station<br \/>\nDoctor: Mr. Trotter, unless I diagnose what the problem is I cannot help you<br \/>\nDel: The problem is Doc, the missus has left me<br \/>\nDoctor: I see. I\u2019m going to prescribe you some anti-anxiety tablets. Take one a day for 2 weeks. If you still feel the same, come back and see me<br \/>\nDel: Okay Doc<br \/>\nDoctor: While you\u2019re here I\u2019m just going to take your blood pressure. Can you roll up your sleeve for me?<\/p>\n<p>Del rolls up his sleeve. The doctor takes a reading<\/p>\n<p>Doctor: It is a little high<br \/>\nDel: Well we are on the 2nd floor<br \/>\nDoctor: We can look at it again when you have your medical can\u2019t we?<br \/>\nDel: Okay Doc<\/p>\n<p><strong>Scene 4: Boycie\u2019s driveway. Morning<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>Del is just about to leave<\/p>\n<p>Del: Right, I\u2019d better be off Boycie, I said I\u2019d meet Trigger in the Nags at One<br \/>\nBoycie: Ok. Oh before I forget, I must say Derek; your Raquel has a fine set of lungs on her<br \/>\nDel: I beg your pardon, you cheeky git<br \/>\nBoycie: I mean she still has quite a nice singing voice for an older woman<br \/>\nDel: Oh right; anyway, how would you know?<br \/>\nBoycie: I saw her the other night, in some exclusive club in the West End that I sometimes frequent with, let\u2019s say, some of my more up-market associates<\/p>\n<p>Del is taken aback but doesn\u2019t let on<\/p>\n<p>Del: And what club would this be?<br \/>\nBoycie: What, don\u2019t you even know where your wife is working Del? I sense all is not as it should be in the Trotter household. Is Trotter\u2019s Independent Traders in so much trouble that you\u2019ve had to send the wife out to work? How Dickensian.<br \/>\nDel: Don\u2019t be silly, you know what Raquel\u2019s like, she just wants to keep her finger in<br \/>\nBoycie: In what? That\u2019s what I\u2019d be worried about. Ha ha ha!<br \/>\nDel: Give my love to Marlene<br \/>\nBoycie: Oh Del<br \/>\nDel: Yes Boycie?<br \/>\nBoycie: I\u2019d prefer it if you didn\u2019t wave when you drive off. I don\u2019t want the neighbours thinking I mix with riff-raff<\/p>\n<p>Del drive offs, bibbing his horn with the radio blaring drum \u2018n\u2019 bass. The van back-fires. Boycie hurries back inside his house before anyone notices.<\/p>\n<p>Boycie: Caveman<\/p>\n<p><strong>Scene 5: Nag\u2019s Head. Lunchtime<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>Del and Rodney are standing at the bar. Trigger walks in<\/p>\n<p>Trigger: Alright Dave?<br \/>\nRodney: Alright Trig<br \/>\nTrigger: Alright Del?<br \/>\nDel: Alright Trig, what are you having?<br \/>\nTrigger: I\u2019ll have a pint<\/p>\n<p>Trigger sits down at a table<\/p>\n<p>Del: A pint for Trigger Sid<br \/>\nSid: Sorry Del, we ain\u2019t got any pint glasses, will 2 halves be ok?<br \/>\nDel: They ain\u2019t got any pint glasses Trig, are you ok with 2 halves?<br \/>\nTrigger: Best not Del, I\u2019ve gotta drive later. I don\u2019t wanna be over the limit<\/p>\n<p>Del can\u2019t believe his ears<\/p>\n<p>Del: I don\u2019t adam and eve it. Just give us an half please Sid<br \/>\nSid: Ok Del<br \/>\nDel: Anyway, what do mean you ain\u2019t got any pint glasses. What sort of pub is this?<br \/>\nSid: It ain\u2019t my fault Del. The brewery sent over 2 boxes of new glasses last night and someone only stole them from round the back<br \/>\nDel: No. That\u2019s bang out of order. Who would do something like that?<br \/>\nSid: That\u2019s what I thought Del<br \/>\nDel: Well. It must be your lucky day. I only happen to have 2 boxes of pint glasses in the back of the van<\/p>\n<p>Sid gives Del a disapproving look<\/p>\n<p>Sid: Really? What a coincidence?<br \/>\nDel: Shall we say \u00a330 for the pair?<br \/>\nSid: Yeah. Go on then<br \/>\nDel: I bet you\u2019re glad you bumped into me, eh!<\/p>\n<p>Del takes the drinks back to the table. Sid shakes his head<\/p>\n<p><strong>Scene 6: Nag\u2019s Head. 1 hour later<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>Del: Fancy another?<br \/>\nRodney: Nah, I better be off<br \/>\nTrigger: Yeah, me too<\/p>\n<p>Del, Rodney and Trigger get up to leave<\/p>\n<p>Sid: Do you wanna settle your tab Del?<br \/>\nDel: Just take it out of that 30 quid you owe me<\/p>\n<p>Sid shakes his head<\/p>\n<p>Del: Goodbye sweetheart<br \/>\nBarmaid: Bye Del<br \/>\nDel: Cor! What\u2019s that pong?<br \/>\nSid: Before you ask, it ain\u2019t my pumps Del.<br \/>\nBarmaid: If you must know it\u2019s my perfume<br \/>\nDel: Perfume! You wanna take that back darling, get ya money back; where d\u2019ya buy it?<br \/>\nBarmaid: On your stool!<br \/>\nRodney: Come on, Del<br \/>\nDel: I\u2019ll tell you what sweetheart, you come and see me tomorrow and I\u2019ll replace it with a real one.<br \/>\nTrigger: Have you got any more of that perfume Del?<br \/>\nDel: Yeah. Unfortunately<br \/>\nTrigger: Put me down for two<\/p>\n<p>Everyone stares at Trigger in disbelief<\/p>\n<p><strong>Scene 7: Outside the Nag\u2019s Head<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>Del: See you Trig<br \/>\nTrigger: Yeah, see you Del<br \/>\nRodney: See you Trig<br \/>\nTrigger: Mind how you go Dave<\/p>\n<p>Del and Rodney watch Trigger walk away<\/p>\n<p>Del: Look at that soppy sod. He don\u2019t know if it\u2019s new year or New York<\/p>\n<p><strong>Scene 8: Inside Del\u2019s Reliant Regal<\/strong><\/p><div class=\"d7386eeb5bdcd2f43c1295b58ceaf130\" data-index=\"2\" style=\"float: none; margin:5px 0 5px 0; text-align:center;\">\n<script async src=\"\/\/pagead2.googlesyndication.com\/pagead\/js\/adsbygoogle.js\"><\/script>\r\n<!-- ofah2-response -->\r\n<ins class=\"adsbygoogle\"\r\n     style=\"display:block\"\r\n     data-ad-client=\"ca-pub-1609637348681190\"\r\n     data-ad-slot=\"5593259115\"\r\n     data-ad-format=\"auto\"><\/ins>\r\n<script>\r\n(adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({});\r\n<\/script>\n<\/div>\n\n<p>Rodney: What do you think you are doing chatting up the barmaid?<br \/>\nDel: I wasn\u2019t chatting her up Rodney, I was merely exercising some public relations<br \/>\nRodney: Well, it didn\u2019t look like that to me. Look Del, I was thinking, why don\u2019t you and Raquel come round to our place on Friday for a meal. We haven\u2019t seen Raquel for months.<br \/>\nDel: You ain\u2019t the only one Rodders<br \/>\nRodney: And what\u2019s that suppose to mean?<br \/>\nDel: Look Rodney, I didn\u2019t want to worry you, but Raquel has left me<br \/>\nRodney: Nah, why would she leave you? Actually, I can think of a few reasons.  She\u2019ll be back in a couple of days, you wait and see<br \/>\nDel: She\u2019s been gone a couple of months Rodney. She won\u2019t even speak to me<br \/>\nRodney: I\u2019m sorry Del. Where\u2019s she staying, at her mum\u2019s?<br \/>\nDel, Nah, apparently she\u2019s renting an apartment in Greenwich<br \/>\nRodney: How\u2019s she affording that?<br \/>\nDel: She\u2019s had to go back to work. She\u2019s doing what she used to do<br \/>\nRodney: What? Stripping?<br \/>\nDel: No you dipstick. Singing!<br \/>\nRodney: Course. So what went wrong?<br \/>\nDel: Well, you know that money that Uncle Albert, God rest his soul, left us? Well, you were sensible Rodney. You invested yours in a fine house. I invested mine in a Winehouse<br \/>\nRodney: Winehouse?<br \/>\nDel: Yeah, I bought a load of them \u2018Amy Winehouse: I ain\u2019t going to Rehab\u2019 t-shirts. Then she went<br \/>\nRodney: What a wally<br \/>\nDel: That\u2019s me, an 18-carat wally. I sent her over the edge, Rodney, when I spent our last ten grand on a load of Japanese mobile phones.<br \/>\nRodney: What\u2019s wrong with that?<br \/>\nDel: They don\u2019t bloody work do they! According to Boycie, Raquel sings in some club over the West End a few nights a week.<br \/>\nRodney: What\u2019s Boycie doing in a West End club?<br \/>\nDel: Brown-nosing some rich arab no doubt<br \/>\nRodney: You\u2019ve gotta get down there Del, let her know how you feel<br \/>\nDel: You\u2019re right Rodney, he who dares wins, I\u2019ll go down there and sweep her off her feet, take her for a nice Pizza Express. Yeh, I\u2019ll knock her bandy<br \/>\nRodney: That\u2019s the spirit. I wouldn\u2019t bother with the pizza though, Del<br \/>\nDel: Yeah, you\u2019re right there Rodders. She\u2019s a sophisticated lady. I\u2019ll book a table at the Bernie Inn.<br \/>\nRodney: Oh my gawd (whispers under his breath). What\u2019s the name of this club then?<br \/>\nDel: That\u2019s the thing, I don\u2019t know<br \/>\nRodney: You don\u2019t know! Oh Cosmic! You mean to say you didn\u2019t think to ask for the name of the club where your wife, who you haven\u2019t seen for months, is singing?<br \/>\nDel: Look, I didn\u2019t wanna let on to Boycie that Raquel had left me so, you know, I played it cool<br \/>\nRodney: Cool? What were you, a fridge?<br \/>\nDel: He did say it was in a club off Park Lane<br \/>\nRodney: Oh well, that narrows it down to about 100<br \/>\nDel: I was thinking<br \/>\nRodney: Oh no Del. No way am I traipsing round night-clubs with you. Anyway, Cas would go mad. We\u2019ve really had to tighten our belts lately<br \/>\nDel: Come on. As mum said on her death bed Rodney, \u201cDel, make sure you and Rodney are always there for each other\u201d.<br \/>\nRodney: Alright then. I\u2019ll tell Cas we\u2019ve got a business meeting at the flat or something<br \/>\nDel: No need to bother, I\u2019ve already told her<br \/>\nRodney: What do mean, \u2018you\u2019ve already told her\u2019?<br \/>\nDel: I spoke to her today<br \/>\nRodney: What, before you\u2019d even spoke to me?<br \/>\nDel: Yes<br \/>\nRodney: And you told her we were going clubbing?<br \/>\nDel: Course not you plonker.<br \/>\nRodney: Thank God for that<br \/>\nDel: I said we were playing poker<\/p>\n<p>Rodney stares at the floor in disbelief<\/p>\n<p><strong>Scene 9: Nag\u2019s Head<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>Del is at the bar. Boycie is in the gents. Denzil and Rodney are sat around a table<\/p>\n<p>Denzil: Rodney, I can\u2019t help noticing that Del hasn\u2019t been his usual self lately<br \/>\nRodney: How d\u2019ya mean?<br \/>\nDenzil: I can\u2019t put my finger on it. He\u2019s just been really\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026.nice<br \/>\nRodney: In what way has he been nice?<br \/>\nDenzil: Well, he hasn\u2019t asked to borrow anything, he hasn\u2019t tried to sell me anything and he\u2019s hardly spoken a word in weeks<br \/>\nRodney: How is that \u2018nice\u2019?<br \/>\nDenzil: For the first time ever Rodney, I can actually hear the commentary on the racing<br \/>\nRodney: Look, keep it to yourself. Del and Raquel have split up.<\/p>\n<p>Trigger arrives, defusing the awkwardness. He takes a seat with Rodney and Denzil<\/p>\n<p>Rodney: Alright Trig. You\u2019re late tonight<br \/>\nTrigger: I\u2019m not stopping. If the truth be told, I\u2019m a bit skint. My sister turned up at my flat earlier. She wanted to borrow \u00a3100.<br \/>\nRodney: I didn\u2019t know you had a sister Trig<br \/>\nTrigger: Nor did I<\/p>\n<p>Rodney stares in disbelief<\/p>\n<p>Rodney: Del, get Trigger a drink<br \/>\nDel: Alright Trig, I didn\u2019t see you there. What you drinking?<br \/>\nTrigger: I\u2019ll have what you\u2019re having Del<br \/>\nDel: (to the barman) And a Guiness and  Pernod for Trigger please Sid<\/p>\n<p>Rodney: Whatever you do, don\u2019t mention Raquel<br \/>\nDenzil: Ok Rodney<\/p>\n<p>Trigger nods<\/p>\n<p>Del: Here, Rodders, give us a hand with these drinks<br \/>\nRodney: Ok Del<\/p>\n<p>Rodney gets up and leaves the table<\/p>\n<p>Denzil: Here Trig<\/p>\n<p>Denzil passes Trigger a piece of paper with the name of a horse written on it<\/p>\n<p>Trigger: What\u2019s this?<br \/>\nDenzil: It\u2019s a tip Trig. It\u2019s running in the 4.15 tomorrow. Keep it under your belt, eh?<br \/>\nTrigger: Righteo<\/p>\n<p>Trigger gets up and follows Rodney to the bar<\/p>\n<p>Trigger: How\u2019s the wife Del?<br \/>\nRodney: Trig, I told you not to mention Raquel\u2019s name<br \/>\nTrigger: I didn\u2019t. I said \u2018the wife\u2019<br \/>\nDel: It\u2019s alright Trig, the reason why Rodney told you not to mention Raquel\u2019s name is because she has left me<br \/>\nTrigger: I know<br \/>\nDel: You know? How\u2019d you know?<br \/>\nTrigger: Denzil told me<br \/>\nDel: Did he now?<br \/>\nTrigger: Yeah. He\u2019s telling Boycie now<\/p>\n<p>As if on cue, Boycie\u2019s trademark laugh fills the pub<\/p>\n<p><strong>Scene 10: Rodney and Cassandra\u2019s flat. <\/strong><\/p>\n<p>Cassandra: I can\u2019t believe about Del and Raquel, can you? It\u2019s really sad isn\u2019t it?<\/p>\n<p>Rodney is reading a newspaper; totally uninterested.<\/p>\n<p>Rodney: Yeah<br \/>\nCassandra: Do you think Del will be ok looking after Joanie on his own tomorrow?<br \/>\nRodney: What could possibly go wrong?<\/p>\n<p>Rodney suddenly has a flashback. Damien. The Omen. Sheer terror fills his face. He envisages Joanie. Then Del. Then the girl out of the Exorcist. He quickly snaps out of it.<\/p>\n<p>Cassandra: Yeah, he\u2019ll be fine<br \/>\nRodney: It\u2019s not Del I\u2019m worried about (under his breath)<br \/>\nCassandra: He called this morning. He wanted to know if I\u2019d mind if you played cards with him on Friday.<br \/>\nRodney: Sorry about that Cas. He only mentioned it to me today. I think he wants to talk about things.<br \/>\nCassandra: I must say, I was very reluctant to say yes but now I understand<\/p>\n<p><strong>Scene 11: Del\u2019s flat. Morning<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>The doorbell rings. Del opens the door. It\u2019s Rodney and Joanie<\/p>\n<p>Del: Hello sweetheart. Cor, you\u2019re getting taller and taller every time I see you. You can tell she ain\u2019t the milkman\u2019s can\u2019t ya?<br \/>\nRodney: No she bloody ain\u2019t the milkman\u2019s<br \/>\nDel: Oi! Watch your language in front of the children<br \/>\nRodney: Yeah, we wouldn\u2019t want her growing up like you, would we?<br \/>\nJoanie: Hello Uncle Del<br \/>\nDel: You\u2019re gonna break all the boys hearts when you\u2019re older, you are<br \/>\nRodney: What do you mean? All the boys<br \/>\nDel: You go into the kitchen darling. I got you some of them cereals you like.<\/p>\n<p>Joanie runs to the kitchen<\/p>\n<p>Del: You still ok for Friday Rodders?<br \/>\nRodney: Yes, I\u2019ve had my suit dry-cleaned, my shoes are polished. I\u2019ll meet you here ok?<br \/>\nDel: Good boy Rodney, you know it makes sense<br \/>\nRodney: Right, I\u2019ll pick Joanie up at 6 ok?<br \/>\nDel: Yes. Yes. Go on, you\u2019ll be late<br \/>\nRodney: Bye Joan<br \/>\nJoanie: Bye Dad<\/p>\n<p>Rodney leaves the flat just as a young couple are walking by<\/p>\n<p>Del: And don\u2019t forget Rodney, if you want to go to the toilet, just tell the teacher<\/p>\n<p>Rodney rushes off. Embarrassed<\/p>\n<p>Del shuts the front door laughing at his own schoolboy humour. Pleased with himself<\/p>\n<p><strong> <\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong> <\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong> <\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong> <\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong> <\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong> <\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong> <\/strong><\/p>\n<div id=\"attachment_1460\" style=\"width: 360px\" class=\"wp-caption alignright\"><p id=\"caption-attachment-1460\" class=\"wp-caption-text\">Joanie on the Phone<\/p><\/div>\n<p><strong>Scene 12: Del\u2019s flat. Living room. <\/strong><\/p>\n<p>Joanie is eating Cocopops<\/p>\n<p>Joanie: Where\u2019s Auntie Raquel and Damien, Uncle Del?<br \/>\nDel: They\u2019re staying at Damien\u2019s nan and grandad\u2019s sweetheart<br \/>\nJoanie: Why ain\u2019t you gone with them?<br \/>\nDel: Cor, you\u2019d make a very good policewoman you would<br \/>\nJoanie: Would I?<br \/>\nDel: Yes. Anyway, if I went with them I wouldn\u2019t be spending time with my favourite niece, would I? So, what do you wanna do today then?<br \/>\nJoanie: Ain\u2019t you got a Wii?<br \/>\nDel: Nah, I went earlier<br \/>\nJoanie: Damien must have some good video games? I\u2019ll look in his room<br \/>\nDel: (panicked) No no, you stay there darling. I\u2019ll have a look<\/p>\n<p>Del goes to Damien\u2019s room and closes the door behind him. Joanie starts opening one of the many boxes piled up in the living room. She takes out a mobile phone. Del returns holding a game of Buckeroo. He sees Joanie playing with the mobiles<\/p>\n<p>Del: No, put them down sweetheart. They don\u2019t work. I\u2019ve gotta take them back.<br \/>\nJoanie: Yes they do, look!<\/p>\n<p>Joanie shows Del the mobile<\/p>\n<p>Del: What was wrong with them then?<br \/>\nJoanie: Nothing. You didn\u2019t charge them<\/p>\n<p>Del looks embarrassed. He looks back at the phone<\/p>\n<p>Del: Look, that\u2019s no good. It\u2019s all in Greek<br \/>\nJoanie: You can change that. You go into \u2018language\u2019. Scroll down and press \u2018English\u2019. Ta da!<br \/>\nDel: So they all work?<br \/>\nJoanie: Yes. They just need charging and converted to English. They\u2019re really trendy phones actually. Better than mine.<br \/>\nDel: And do you know what all the buttons do?<br \/>\nJoanie: Of course!<br \/>\nDel: See, your dad was a computer genius just like you. I\u2019ll tell you what sweetheart. How about you converge them all into the English lingo for me and I\u2019ll let you keep one?<br \/>\nJoanie: Cool. Okay<\/p>\n<p>Del is now obviously excited<\/p>\n<p>Del: Right, you get cracking on them. I\u2019m gonna get the van<br \/>\nJoanie: Why, where are we going, Uncle Del?<br \/>\nDel: We. My darling. Are going to work. If anyone asks, you\u2019re 16, ok?<br \/>\nJoanie: Easy<\/p>\n<p><strong><a href=\"http:\/\/www.ofah.net\/blog\/d-t-phone-home-part-2\/\">&#8230;.part 2 continues tomorrow here<\/a><\/strong><\/p>\n<p>pete.rigby@live.co.uk<\/p>\n<p><a href=\"http:\/\/www.ofah.net\/blog\/category\/media\/scripts\/\">Read More Fan Scripts <\/a><\/p>\n<p>If you want to have a go at writing your own script, then please <a href=\"http:\/\/www.ofah.net\/blog\/contacts\/\">contact us using this form<\/a><\/p>\n<!--CusAds0-->\n<div style=\"font-size: 0px; height: 0px; line-height: 0px; margin: 0; padding: 0; clear: both;\"><\/div>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<a href=\"https:\/\/www.ofah.net\/blog\/d-t-phone-home\/\"><img decoding=\"async\" width=\"125\" src=\"\" class=\"alignright wp-post-image tfe\" alt=\"\" title=\"\" \/><\/a><p>D.T. PHONE HOME &#8211;\u00a0part 1\u00a0(Fans Script) BY PETE RIGBY It\u2019s year 2010. Raquel has left Del Boy but no one knows. She has taken Damien, now 19 years old, and she\u2019s renting an apartment in Greenwich. Del is running Trotters Independent Trading on his own. Rodney is back working in IT. Cassandra is still working [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":"","_links_to":"","_links_to_target":""},"categories":[70,25,51],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1459","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-media","category-only-fools-and-horses","category-scripts"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v26.8 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/product\/yoast-seo-wordpress\/ -->\n<title>D.T. Phone Home - Part 1<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"D.T. PHONE HOME -\u00a0part 1\u00a0(Fans Script) BY PETE RIGBY It\u2019s year 2010. Raquel has left Del Boy but no one knows. 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