{"id":1603,"date":"2010-01-27T16:53:45","date_gmt":"2010-01-27T16:53:45","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.ofah.net\/blog\/?p=1603"},"modified":"2010-01-29T17:10:12","modified_gmt":"2010-01-29T17:10:12","slug":"d-t-phone-home-part-2","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.ofah.net\/blog\/d-t-phone-home-part-2\/","title":{"rendered":"D.T. Phone Home &#8211; Part 2"},"content":{"rendered":"<div class=\"d7386eeb5bdcd2f43c1295b58ceaf130\" data-index=\"3\" style=\"float: right; margin:5px 0 5px 5px;\">\n<amp-auto-ads type=\"adsense\"\r\n              data-ad-client=\"ca-pub-1609637348681190\">\r\n<\/amp-auto-ads>\n<\/div>\n<h2>D.T. PHONE HOME &#8211; part 2 (Fans Script)<\/h2>\n<h3>BY PETE RIGBY<\/h3>\n<p><a href=\"http:\/\/www.ofah.net\/blog\/d-t-phone-home\/\">&#8230;continued from yesterdays script<\/a><\/p>\n<p><strong>Scene 13: Market.<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>Del and Joanie have set up stool in the market. Del is giving his spiel. A crowd has formed around his stool.<\/p>\n<p>Del: Come closer, ladies and gentlemen, don\u2019t be shy, what I\u2019ve got here, you\u2019re all gonna want. And it won\u2019t be the first time for some of you.<\/p>\n<p>Del winks at a middle-aged attractive woman in the crowd. She winks back<\/p>\n<p>Del: This all-singing, all-dancing mobile phone hasn\u2019t even been invented yet, let alone made. It\u2019s got gigabytes coming out of its ears. If anyone would like an instruction on everything this mobile phone can do my lovely assistant will be happy to show you<\/p>\n<p>The crowd look at Joanie<\/p>\n<p>Joanie: I\u2019m sixteen<\/p>\n<p>A crowd gather around Joanie<\/p>\n<p><strong>Scene 14: Del\u2019s flat. Living room. 6 hours later<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>Joanie is playing with her new phone. Del is sat at the dining table counting money<\/p>\n<p>Del: 29,900, 29,950, 30,000. Lovely Jubbly!<br \/>\nJoanie: I had a good time today, Uncle Del<br \/>\nDel: Not as good as me sweetheart<\/p>\n<p>The doorbell rings. It\u2019s Rodney come to collect Joanie. Del opens the door<\/p>\n<p>Del: You forgot your packed lunch Rodney<br \/>\nRodney: Funny. I had to sit opposite that couple on the bus. And to make matters worse. That tie you sold me is a Peckham Secondary Modern school tie<br \/>\nDel: Well look on the bright side Rodney. You only had to pay half fair!<\/p>\n<p>Del and Rodney enter the living room. Rodney looks at Joanie expecting to see the girl from the Exorcist. He is relieved when he doesn\u2019t. Joanie is still playing with her new phone<\/p>\n<p>Rodney: Alright Joan, what have you got there?<br \/>\nJoanie: Uncle Del gave it to me<br \/>\nRodney: Did he? I hope you kept the receipt. So. What have you done today?<br \/>\nDel: Not a lot, did we, sweetheart?<br \/>\nJoanie: Nah, not really.<br \/>\nRodney: Oh<br \/>\nJoanie: Oh I forgot. We played this game where I had to pretend to be 16 then Uncle Del took me to the market and I helped him flog some hooky phones.<br \/>\nRodney: I don\u2019t believe it. I\u2019m gonna kill you Del<\/p>\n<p>Del runs into the kitchen. Rodney follows<\/p>\n<p>Del: Look Rodney<\/p>\n<p>Del shows Rodney the money he made from selling the mobiles<\/p>\n<p>Del: There\u2019s 30 grand there. Don\u2019t you see? I can get Raquel back now<\/p>\n<p>Rodney is still angry. Del counts out \u00a3500 and places it in Rodney\u2019s hand<\/p>\n<p>Del: That\u2019s for you Rodney.<br \/>\nRodney: I\u2019m not happy about this Del. She\u2019s only 7. What if the old bill had walked by?<br \/>\nDel: Don\u2019t worry. I had it all covered Rodney<br \/>\nRodney: Covered? How?<br \/>\nDel: I had a lookout<br \/>\nRodney: A lookout? Who?<br \/>\nDel: Joanie<\/p>\n<p>Del laughs and pours out 2 glasses of asti spumante<\/p>\n<p>Rodney: It ain\u2019t funny Del<br \/>\nDel: Look, all she did was went to work with her Uncle. Nothing wrong with that is there?<br \/>\nRodney: I suppose not<br \/>\nDel: And I won\u2019t say nothing to Cassandra if you don\u2019t<br \/>\nRodney: Nah, but I know someone who will<br \/>\nDel: Just slip Cassandra \u00a3100 pound and everyone\u2019s a winner<br \/>\nRodney: Yeah, ok. So what are you gonna do with the money Del?<br \/>\nDel: I\u2019m gonna do this place up and get my family back Rodders<\/p>\n<p>Del and Rodney smile and clink their glasses<\/p>\n<p><strong>Scene 15: Del\u2019s flat. Living room.<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>Del is on the phone<\/p>\n<p>Del: Hello Denzil, I need a favour<\/p>\n<p><strong>Scene 16: Rodney and Cassandra\u2019s flat<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>Rodney picks up his keys and kisses Casandra on the cheek.<\/p>\n<p>Rodney: Right, I\u2019d better be going. I\u2019ve gotta meet Del at 8.<br \/>\nCassandra: Ok, be lucky!<\/p>\n<p>Rodney stares at Cassandra shocked (paranoid)<\/p>\n<p>Rodney: What d\u2019ya mean, \u2018be lucky\u2019?<br \/>\nCassandra: With the cards<br \/>\nRodney: Oh right, thanks<\/p>\n<p><strong>Scene 17: A West End backstreet. 9pm. Friday<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>Del and Rodney are queuing outside a club. Singing can be heard coming from inside the club<\/p>\n<p>Del: Listen to that Rodney. That\u2019s my Raquel<br \/>\nRodney: How can you tell? I can hardly hear it<br \/>\nDel: Oh, I know her voice Rodney, that\u2019s definitely her<\/p>\n<p>Rodney sees a sign outside the club that reads \u2018members only tonight\u2019<\/p>\n<p>Rodney: Oh bloody hell. Look Del. We\u2019re never gonna get in here. It\u2019s members only.<\/p>\n<p>Del looks deflated<\/p>\n<p>Del: I\u2019ve got it. Well Boycie said that he was a member, so we\u2019ll just mention his name, slip the doorman a Lady Godiva and we\u2019ll be in. What could go wrong?<\/p>\n<p>Del walks to the front of the queue and approaches the doorman flashing his \u2018senior citizen travel pass\u2019<\/p>\n<p>Del: Good evening sir, I am Chief Inspector Trotter and this is my collegue. I believe you have a member by the name of Mr Boyce?<br \/>\nDoorman: That\u2019s correct<br \/>\nDel: Well, we\u2019ve arranged to meet him here for some undercover surveillance work<br \/>\nDoorman: He\u2019s not here yet<br \/>\nDel: Do you mind if we go inside and wait for him<br \/>\nDoorman: I don\u2019t see why not.<\/p>\n<p>Del slips something into the doorman\u2019s hand. Del and Rodney enter the club. The doorman looks in his hand. It\u2019s a five pound note<\/p>\n<p>Doorman: (whispers) Tight git<\/p>\n<p>Woman behind counter: That\u2019s \u00a330 each please<br \/>\nDel: Thirty quid! Can you put it on Mr Boyce\u2019s tab please<br \/>\nWoman behind counter: Can you confirm his address?<br \/>\nDel: Certainly. Number 10. Queen\u2019s Avenue. Dulwich<br \/>\nWoman behind counter: Thank-you sir, go straight through<\/p>\n<p>Del and Rodney look at each other and smile<\/p>\n<p>Del: Can you tell me where I can find the singer<br \/>\nWoman behind counter: At the bar drinking Martini<br \/>\nDel: Thank you sweetheart<\/p>\n<p>Del and Rodney enter the club.<\/p>\n<p>Del: Stay there Rodney<\/p>\n<p>Del walks towards the bar trying to act cool. Sat on a stool drinking Martini is what Del believes to be Raquel.<\/p>\n<p>Del: Hello sweetheart. I\u2019ve come to take you home<\/p>\n<p>The person on the stool swings round to reveal a transvestite in a black wig, tattoos and a 5 O\u2019Clock shadow<\/p>\n<p>Del: Gordon Bennett!<br \/>\nTransvestite: I booked the cab for 9.30. You\u2019re early!<br \/>\nDel: Sorry love, I mean bruv, I\u2019ve got the wrong person<\/p>\n<p>Del hurries back to Rodney<\/p>\n<p>Del: Come on let\u2019s go. Lively Rodney<br \/>\nRodney: Was that Raquel?<br \/>\nDel: Nah mate. It was Ricky<\/p>\n<p>Del leaves the club and Rodney follows<\/p>\n<p><strong>Scene 18: West End backstreet. 10pm. Friday<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>Del and Rodney are walking slowly along the pavement<\/p>\n<p>Del: How the hell could I have known it was a gay bar?<br \/>\nRodney: It was called \u2018Brokeback\u2019s\u2019<br \/>\nDel: What I\u2019m more concerned about Rodney is why on earth is Boycie a member?<br \/>\nRodney: Oh yeah. I forgot about that. Here you don\u2019t think he\u2019s\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026 you know<br \/>\nDel: What?<br \/>\nRodney: You know<br \/>\nDel: Bisected?<br \/>\nRodney: The word is bisexual<br \/>\nDel: Yeah, that as well<br \/>\nRodney: They say one in three men are gay.<br \/>\nDel: Well there you go. We\u2019re alright. So it must be him<br \/>\nRodney: I\u2019ve always wondered why he had that Freddie Mercury moustache<br \/>\nDel: Yeh. And he talks all poncey, don\u2019t he?<br \/>\nRodney: Here, I bet you weren\u2019t far wrong when you said he was brown-nosing some rich arab.<br \/>\nDel: It\u2019d be terrible if all the boys down the Nag\u2019s Head found out, wouldn\u2019t it?<\/p><div class=\"d7386eeb5bdcd2f43c1295b58ceaf130\" data-index=\"2\" style=\"float: none; margin:5px 0 5px 0; text-align:center;\">\n<script async src=\"\/\/pagead2.googlesyndication.com\/pagead\/js\/adsbygoogle.js\"><\/script>\r\n<!-- ofah2-response -->\r\n<ins class=\"adsbygoogle\"\r\n     style=\"display:block\"\r\n     data-ad-client=\"ca-pub-1609637348681190\"\r\n     data-ad-slot=\"5593259115\"\r\n     data-ad-format=\"auto\"><\/ins>\r\n<script>\r\n(adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({});\r\n<\/script>\n<\/div>\n\n<p>Del and Rodney look at each other and laugh. Their laughter is cut short by the distinctive sound of Raquel\u2019s voice coming from a nearby club.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Scene 19: Nightclub. Friday night.<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>Raquel and a man are sat on stools on a small stage singing Don McClean\u2019s \u2018And I Love You So\u2019. 20 candle-lit tables are scattered around the room. Del and Rodney sit down at one of the tables. A waitress takes their order. Raquel sees Del but keeps her composure and finishes the song and leaves the stage. The audience applaud. Del stands up and whistles with his fingers.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Scene 20: Nightclub. Dressing room<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>Raquel and Tarquin, her gay singing partner, are changing into their civilian clothes<\/p>\n<p>Raquel: Did you see those two men who turned up at the end?<br \/>\nTarquin: Yes, the little fat one was quite cute wasn\u2019t he? I did hear him order a Snowball and Cherryade though which I found quite endearing!<br \/>\nRaquel: Yeh, that\u2019s Del<br \/>\nTarquin: You mean to say you know him?<br \/>\nRaquel: I was married to him. Well, I still am. It all went a bit pear-shaped a few months ago. And things went downhill in the bedroom. You see Del\u2019s a man\u2019s man. Do you know what I mean?<\/p>\n<p>Tarquin reads the situation wrong and assumes Del is now gay<\/p>\n<p>Tarquin: Oh, I think I know what you mean.<br \/>\nRaquel: Look I\u2019d better go and see what he wants. I\u2019ll be in the bar<br \/>\nTarquin: Okay, I\u2019ll be with you in a few minutes<\/p>\n<p><strong>Scene 21: Nightclub. Bar<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>Raquel approaches Del and Rodney<\/p>\n<p>Raquel: Hello Del. Hello Rodney.<br \/>\nDel: Raquel!<br \/>\nRaquel: What do you want Del?<br \/>\nDel: Oh I\u2019ll have a Bailey\u2019s and cream soda please sweetheart<br \/>\nRaquel: No Del, I mean why are you here?<br \/>\nDel: I wanted to see you Raquel. I\u2019ve missed you. Come on, come back home<br \/>\nRaquel: I don\u2019t know Del<br \/>\nDel: The business is doing well. I sold them mobile phones. I made thir\u2026\u2026\u2026 twenty grand today. Anyway, enough of me. How are you? How\u2019s Damien?<br \/>\nRaquel: We\u2019re fine thanks.<br \/>\nDel: Who\u2019s the bloke?<br \/>\nRaquel: What bloke?<br \/>\nDel: The geezer you sing with<br \/>\nRaquel: His name is Tarquin. And don\u2019t worry, nothing\u2019s going on.<br \/>\nDel: Oh\u2026\u2026.good<\/p>\n<p>Tarquin enters and joins Del, Rodney and Raquel at the bar. He is wearing an Arsenal Football Club shirt.<\/p>\n<p>Raquel: Del, this is Tarquin?<br \/>\nDel: Hello Tarquin.<\/p>\n<p>Del stands up and shakes Tarquin\u2019s hand. Del clocks Tarquin\u2019s Arsenal shirt. Tarquin is still under the illusion Del is gay.<\/p>\n<p>Del: I used to go up the Arsenal<br \/>\nTarquin: Yes, Raquel did mention it<br \/>\nDel: Ahh, did she? Listen, I ain\u2019t been up there for a while. D\u2019ya fancy it?<br \/>\nTarquin: What about Raquel?<br \/>\nDel: She can come. Yeh, she don\u2019t mind watching actually<br \/>\nTarquin: Really? I\u2019ve always thought she was a sly one<br \/>\nDel: So. You up for it?<br \/>\nTarquin: I couldn\u2019t. I\u2019m with someone<br \/>\nDel: What\u2019s that got to do with it? Oh, don\u2019t the wife let you?<br \/>\nTarquin: The wife? I\u2019m in a civil partnership<br \/>\nDel: Me too. Me and Raquel are always polite to each other<\/p>\n<p><strong>Scene 22: Nightclub. Later<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>Rodney is talking to Tarquin. Del is talking to Raquel. Del asks the waiter for the bill.<\/p>\n<div id=\"attachment_1605\" style=\"width: 210px\" class=\"wp-caption alignright\"><a href=\"http:\/\/www.ofah.net\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2010\/01\/comic1.jpg\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" aria-describedby=\"caption-attachment-1605\" class=\"size-full wp-image-1605 \" title=\"Del Boy\" src=\"http:\/\/www.ofah.net\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2010\/01\/comic1.jpg\" alt=\"Del Boy Image\" width=\"200\" height=\"150\" \/><\/a><p id=\"caption-attachment-1605\" class=\"wp-caption-text\">Del Boy<\/p><\/div>\n<p>Del: I\u2019ve missed you Raquel<br \/>\nRaquel: Have you?<br \/>\nDel: Like the deserts miss the rain. Come on, come back home. You know it makes sense<br \/>\nRaquel: There\u2019d have to be some changes Del<br \/>\nDel: Of course. Whatever you say sweetheart<br \/>\nRaquel: First things first. I want you to make me a partner of Trotters Independent Trading. I want access to everything coming in and everything going out. You don\u2019t buy anything without consulting with me first. And we share everything. Okay?<br \/>\nDel: Are you meaning to say you want to buy Rodney out? My only brother<br \/>\nRodney: If you\u2019ve got a spare fiver. It\u2019s yours Raquel<br \/>\nDel: Charming! And what is that value based on Rodney?<br \/>\nRodney: Last year\u2019s \u2018 total profits after tax\u2019 statement<br \/>\nDel: Yeh, well, we\u2019re in a procession ain\u2019t we?<br \/>\nRodney: You mean a recession<br \/>\nDel: That\u2019s what I said<\/p>\n<p>The waiter hands Del the bill on a small silver tray. Del looks at the bill in shock. It\u2019s for \u00a380. Del turns to Raquel.<\/p>\n<p>Del: You know when you said you wanted to share everything<br \/>\nRaquel: Yes<br \/>\nDel: Did you mean\u2026\u2026.everything?<br \/>\nRaquel: Yes. Everything.<br \/>\nDel: Right. Well I bought the last round so this must be yours<\/p>\n<p>Del gives Raquel the drinks bill, he stands up and walks to the cloakroom. Raquel sits open-mouthed.<\/p>\n<p><strong> <\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong> <\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>Scene 23: Del\u2019s flat. Living room.<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>Denzil and Trigger are finishing off decorating the flat. Even by Del\u2019s standards, the flat looks tasteful. And new furniture has been added.<\/p>\n<p>Denzil: How did you get on with that tip I gave you Trigger?<br \/>\nTrigger: The one you told me to keep under my belt?<br \/>\nDenzil: Yeh<\/p>\n<p>Trigger lifts his jumper to reveal the same piece of paper<\/p>\n<p>Trigger: Don\u2019t worry Denzil, It\u2019s still there<\/p>\n<p>Trigger winks at Denzil who in turn stares into space. The front door opens and in walk Del and Raquel<\/p>\n<p>Del: What do think Raquel?<br \/>\nRaquel: I love it! Thanks Del. Thanks Denzil. Thanks Trigger.<br \/>\nDenzil: My pleasure. Welcome back!<\/p>\n<p>Damien, now 19 years old, walks in empty-handed followed by Rodney struggling with suitcases<\/p>\n<p>Del: Cor this is great. Just like the old days, eh!<br \/>\nDamien: Just down there, Rodders<br \/>\nRodney: Yeh, just like the old days. Cos-bloody-mic<br \/>\nDel: Why don\u2019t you and Damien sort yourselves out and I\u2019ll put the kettle on<br \/>\nRaquel: Ok Del. And thanks<br \/>\nDel: I should be the one saying thanks.<\/p>\n<p>Del kisses Raquel lingeringly on the lips. Rodney, Denzil and Trigger look on in embarrassment. Raquel and Damien go to their respective bedrooms. Del walks into the kitchen<\/p>\n<p>Del: Right boys, follow me. I\u2019ve got something very interesting to tell you about Boycie<\/p>\n<p><strong>Scene 24: Del\u2019s flat. Living Room<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>Laughter can be heard from the kitchen. Del walks into the living room alone. Raquel enters the room at the same time from the bedroom. They meet in the middle of the living room and cuddle<\/p>\n<p>Del: You know I was only joking about the bill for the drinks at the club don\u2019t you sweetheart?<br \/>\nRaquel: It\u2019s ok Del. A deal\u2019s a deal. We share everything from now on.<br \/>\nDel: Mais Oui! Mais Oui!<\/p>\n<p>Trigger walks in<\/p>\n<p>Trigger: Here Del, Dave was just telling me about that thirty grand you made on some mobiles<\/p>\n<p>Del\u2019s jaw drops. He looks at Rodney<\/p>\n<p>Del: You plonker!<\/p>\n<p>-THE END-<\/p>\n<p>pete.rigby@live.co.uk<\/p>\n<p><a href=\"http:\/\/www.ofah.net\/blog\/category\/media\/scripts\/\">Read More Fan Scripts<\/a><\/p>\n<p>If you want to have a go at writing your own script, then please\u00a0<a href=\"http:\/\/www.ofah.net\/blog\/contacts\/\">contact us using this form<\/a><\/p>\n<!--CusAds0-->\n<div style=\"font-size: 0px; height: 0px; line-height: 0px; margin: 0; padding: 0; clear: both;\"><\/div>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<a href=\"https:\/\/www.ofah.net\/blog\/d-t-phone-home-part-2\/\"><img decoding=\"async\" width=\"125\" src=\"\" class=\"alignright wp-post-image tfe\" alt=\"\" title=\"\" \/><\/a><p>D.T. PHONE HOME &#8211; part 2 (Fans Script) BY PETE RIGBY &#8230;continued from yesterdays script Scene 13: Market. Del and Joanie have set up stool in the market. Del is giving his spiel. A crowd has formed around his stool. Del: Come closer, ladies and gentlemen, don\u2019t be shy, what I\u2019ve got here, you\u2019re all [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":"","_links_to":"","_links_to_target":""},"categories":[70,25,51],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1603","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-media","category-only-fools-and-horses","category-scripts"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v26.8 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/product\/yoast-seo-wordpress\/ -->\n<title>D.T. Phone Home - Part 2<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"D.T. PHONE HOME - part 2 (Fans Script) BY PETE RIGBY ...continued from yesterdays script Scene 13: Market. 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