{"id":5142,"date":"2013-02-12T17:38:13","date_gmt":"2013-02-12T17:38:13","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.ofah.net\/blog\/?p=5142"},"modified":"2013-02-12T17:38:13","modified_gmt":"2013-02-12T17:38:13","slug":"all-you-need-is-bruv-part-2","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.ofah.net\/blog\/all-you-need-is-bruv-part-2\/","title":{"rendered":"All you need is bruv part 2"},"content":{"rendered":"
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Only Fools and Horses Originally\u00a0By John Sullivan<\/p>\n

Episode year \u2013 Summer of 1992. (part 1 here)<\/a><\/p>\n

\u2018All You Need Is Bruv.\u2019 part 2<\/h2>\n

SCENE 2 \u2013\u00a0 Peckham Community Play Centre. Del and Albert turn up at the centre to pick up Raquel and Damian. As Del pulls up, smoke from the engine whafts towards the children and parents who are exiting the building. Del Boy toots his horn.<\/b><\/p>\n

SCENE 2 \u2013 Peckham Community Play Centre. Del and Albert turn up at the centre to pick up Raquel and Damian. As Del pulls up, smoke from the engine whafts towards the children and parents who are exiting the building. Del Boy toots his horn.<\/p>\n

RAQUEL:
\nThat\u2019s the way Del. Infumigate the entire estate with this bloody van.<\/p>\n

DEL BOY:
\nAlright sweetheart? You been waiting long?<\/p>\n

RAQUEL:
\nNot too long, no. Can we stop off at the supermarket on the way home?<\/p>\n

DEL BOY:
\nYes, course. Why?<\/p>\n

RAQUEL:
\nI need to pick up some nappies for Damien.<\/p>\n

DEL BOY:
\nHello champ! Did you have a nice time playing? I bet you\u2019re all thirsty aren\u2019t you, eh? Let\u2019s get you a nice drink when we go to the supermarket, yeah?<\/p>\n

(Damien holds out a drawing he made of Albert, which is fair to say that it isn\u2019t too complimentary. This raises a giggle from Del.)<\/p>\n

DEL BOY:
\nAhh! Look, Unc! Damey\u2019s drawn you a picture look.<\/p>\n

ALBERT:
\nI fought for this young generation, and that\u2019s how they see me is it?<\/p>\n

DEL BOY:
\nYou ungrateful old git!<\/p>\n

RAQUEL:
\nThat\u2019s a lovely drawing, darling. Can mummy see?<\/p>\n

DEL BOY:
\nEre, what\u2019s all this tissue stuff that\u2019s stuffed all in his pockets look.<\/p>\n

RAQUEL:
\nThat\u2019s just from wiping his nose. You know he\u2019s been suffering with a cold lately. It\u2019s freezing in that flat, the poor soul.<\/p>\n

DEL BOY:
\nYes, that\u2019s because I\u2019ve had a few problems with contacting British Gas lately. And I\u2019m not talking about the funny sounds coming from Albert\u2019s bedroom!<\/p>\n

(Subtle backround laugh from Damien)<\/p>\n

RAQUEL:
\nIt might actually help you to pay them now and again, Del.<\/p>\n

DEL:
\nI would if the bill was paid to British Telecom! Funds are a bit tight lately.<\/p>\n

RAQUEL:
\nDamien\u2019s health comes first. Pay the Gas bill, Trotter.<\/p>\n

(Del Boy spots Mickey Pearce across the road and approaches him and uses this opportunity to exit his brief telling off from Raquel.)<\/p>\n

DEL BOY:
\nHello young Michael! \u2018Ere, you looking forward to your wedding? And what you doing hanging around the children\u2019s play centre? I should report you!<\/p>\n

MICKEY:
\nOi, I walk past here to get to my flat! And no, I have a feeling that we might be suffering from a bit of the old cold feet syndrome for this wedding.<\/p>\n

DEL BOY:
\nReally? She come to her senses then?<\/p>\n

MICKEY:
\nI just don\u2019t think she appreciates the real me, you know?<\/p>\n

DEL BOY:
\nThe real you? You wouldn\u2019t know the real you if you were handed your Birth Certificate and a mirror. What you on about?<\/p>\n

MICKEY:
\nI have a personal and sensitive side, Del.<\/p>\n

DEL:
\nPffft!<\/p>\n

MICKEY:
\nI\u2019m having second thoughts about the wedding in total, Del.<\/p>\n

DEL:
\nDon\u2019t be a fool. You finally found yourself a bird and you\u2019re planning on cancelling it? What kind of a selfish burk does that, eh?<\/p>\n

MICKEY:
\nIt ain\u2019t me that wants to cancel it! It\u2019s her!<\/p>\n

DEL:
\nI fort you said she didn\u2019t appreciate you? I was under the impression that you… never mind.<\/p>\n

MICKEY:
\nAnyway, I\u2019m looking forward to the stag do though, should be a right laugh! As long as Rodney ain\u2019t pussy footing round Cassandra. That boy is a complete wimp, in he?<\/p>\n

DEL BOY:
\nNo, no, not a wimp. A plonker perhaps but he\u2019s no wimp. No, no he\u2019s just a natural born worrier. He\u2019s always been the same. He won\u2019t even let me go on your stag do! I mean, what have I ever done to him, eh? Have I ever caused him to land himself in a stressful situation?<\/p>\n

MICKEY:
\nYeah, well \u2013 to be honest, Del, I think it\u2019ll have summin\u2019 to do with the Margate trip and your trip to the states! Let alone the diamond smuggling business.<\/p>\n

DEL BOY:
\nShhh, shh! Keep your voice down! I\u2019m still trying to lay my head down after that carnival. You do realise we were on the verge of being killed over there don\u2019t ya?!<\/p>\n

MICKEY:
\nAlright! Sorry! \u2018Ere, I\u2019m selling off a load of gear at the moment. I\u2019m tryin\u2019 to make a few quid for this bleedin\u2019 wedding.<\/p>\n

DEL BOY:
\nWell, you won\u2019t have to worry about that now, will ya? You\u2019re not exactly parading a count-down to the big magical day, are ya? What you sellin\u2019?<\/p>\n

MICKEY:
\nCigarette lighters, pipes, key rings, pen knifes. That sort of thing.<\/p>\n

DEL BOY:
\nPen knifes? Who\u2019s your target market? The Swiss army is it? I know they\u2019re rough around here but we\u2019re not in a civil-war.<\/p>\n

(We hear Raquel in the backround shout at to Del)<\/p>\n

RAQUEL:
\nDel!<\/p>\n

DEL BOY:
\nComing, sweetheart! Just sorting a bit of business with the blushing groom, \u2018ere!<\/p>\n

MICKEY:
\nYou want to take the lot off me, Del?<\/p>\n

DEL BOY:
\nNo I don\u2019t! I\u2019ve got enough of me own stock to get rid of, ain\u2019t I. Anyway, it was nice of you to invite me to your stag do though!<\/p>\n

MICKEY:
\nI\u2019m sorry, Del. Rodney is arranging it as he\u2019s the best man and he is adamant you won\u2019t be going!<\/p>\n

DEL:
\nWell that\u2019s charmin\u2019! That is Jai\u2019 bien de critique that is. After all I\u2019ve got him involved with over the years.<\/p>\n

MICKEY:
\nWell, you\u2019ve hardly been likened to Michael Palin on your travels, have you?<\/p>\n

DEL BOY
\nYou saucy git! Never mind, I\u2019ll leave you kids to enjoy yourselves. I\u2019ve got plenty to be getting on with here anyway.<\/p>\n

MICKEY:
\nI better head on now, I\u2019m gonna try and get rid of this gear. They\u2019re on sale or return.<\/p>\n

DEL:
\nMind how you go, son.<\/p>\n

(Raquel calls out for Del again)<\/p>\n

RAQUEL:
\nDerrick!<\/p>\n

DEL BOY:
\nComing sweetheart!<\/p>\n

(Del crosses the road towards the van, where Raquel, Albert and Damien are)<\/p>\n

ALBERT:
\nCan we get a move on? I got a singles match down the legion tonight. I haven\u2019t even had me dinner yet!<\/p>\n

DEL:
\nAlright, alright! Who you playing?<\/p>\n

ALBERT:
\nHairy Harry.<\/p>\n

DEL BOY:
\nHairy Harry? I don\u2019t suppose he\u2019ll be needing any amnesia products from Boots anytime soon. Right, come on. Let\u2019s get captain Edward Smith to the shops.<\/p>\n

\"All<\/p>\n

SCENE 3 \u2013 NELSON MANDELA HOUSE \u2013 LATE AFTERNOON<\/strong><\/p>\n

(We see Rodney on the phone to what appears to be Cassandra)<\/p>\n

RODNEY:
\nThey\u2019re out at the moment. Think they\u2019re getting a load of shopping in\u2026Look, Cass, you know I\u2019m going on this stag do with Mickey and the others on Friday don\u2019t you?… I\u2019m not worrying. I\u2019m looking forward to it. I would have thought it would be you that would worry about me going away and missing me and what have you?…. oh thanks very much!
\nAre you not bothered then?…..Why?…Oh because Del\u2019s not going. Understand, yes. Well, I\u2019m just trying to finish up the itinerary for this stag-do then I\u2019ll probably nip down the Nags Head later. What do you mean again? I haven\u2019t been since last Wednesday! Alright. Well, I\u2019ll see you maybe later on then. It is OK to stay the night isn\u2019t it? That sofa Del bought is a death trap. Those springs keep bursting through the mattress\u2026 Cosmic! Speak to you later, bye.<\/p>\n

(Rodney goes to sit back down at the table, and seems to be writing up his itinerary and holiday check list.)<\/p>\n

RODNEY:
\nDrinks, hotel, map for directions, pesetas money, boat trip form, night entertainment. What else am I missing?<\/p>\n

(Rodney starts to laugh to himself once he\u2019s realised what needs to go on the list, then thinks aloud)<\/p>\n

RODNEY:
\nNooo, Cassandra will find out.<\/p>\n

(We hear the door open, where Del, Albert, Raquel and Damien appear)<\/p>\n

DEL:
\nAh, Rodders! Look Damey, Uncle Rodney is here see you look!<\/p>\n

(Rodney gives his usual feared look towards Damien)<\/p>

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