{"id":5619,"date":"2014-02-21T16:03:08","date_gmt":"2014-02-21T16:03:08","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.ofah.net\/blog\/?p=5619"},"modified":"2014-02-21T16:03:08","modified_gmt":"2014-02-21T16:03:08","slug":"fools-fan-script","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.ofah.net\/blog\/fools-fan-script\/","title":{"rendered":"Only Fools Fan script"},"content":{"rendered":"
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Today we thought you would enjoy this Only Fools and Horses fans script by\u00a0Scott Hainge. <\/b>We will allow him to give you its background…
\nIn the summer of 2002 the Only Fools Society ran a competition, with the idea of making a very short episode to celebrate the 21st Anniversary Special. I entered the competietion and wrote the below script. The idea never happened I am afraid, I am unsure why exactly, but the idea never saw the light of day\u2026A shame really\u2026<\/p>\n

I had forgotten about the script until in 2011 we decided to attended our very first Only Fools Convention in Portsmouth. I printed the script out and thought it would be fun for the 3 actors, BOYCIE, MARLENE AND TRIGGER to sign my script. I know\u2026GEEK\u2026
\nHowever when we got to the convention we had a lovely little surprise, when I got to Roger Lloyd Pack he actually took the time to read a few lines and then looked at me and said did you write this and I said yes. He then nodded approvingly and signed it.
\nWith Rogers passing, I just thought it was a nice little touch to add the script to the site 14 years after I wrote it.<\/p>\n

SCATTERED MEMORIES<\/h2>\n

Written By:\u00a0<\/strong>Scott Hainge<\/p>\n

Originally Written 2002<\/p>\n

Written Initially For:\u00a0<\/strong>Only Fools Appreciation Society\u00a021st Anniversary Mini Episode Competition<\/p>\n

Scene starts off in a cemetery. Elsie Partridge is standing by a grave. She is in the process of putting some flowers on to the gravesite.<\/em><\/p>\n

Elsie: There we go pet looks nice and colourful for you on your big day. Least the weathers held up. I suppose the family will be down later, their probably off buying something nice for you.<\/p>\n

Elsie just stares at the grave she becomes upset and starts to cry.<\/p>\n

Elsie: (To Herself) Silly old goat. I promised myself I wouldn\u2019t cry.<\/p>\n

Trigger approaches, he is carrying a dark reef with an RAF Sign on it and a small carrier bag.<\/p>\n

Trigger: Hello Elsie, you alright.<\/p>\n

Elsie: Yes I\u2019m alright pet. Just a bit upset you know how it is.<\/p>\n

Trigger: Yeah I don\u2019t like these places. Never much happening is there.<\/p>\n

Elsie: No not really.<\/p>\n

Elsie Looks At Triggers flowers<\/p>\n

Elsie: What you got there flower?<\/p>\n

Trigger: Flowers. Well it\u2019s more a leaf of deepest respect I had made especially for Albert to celebrate his passing you know.<\/p>\n

Elsie: He\u2019s passing? Were not here to celebrate his passing, were here because it is his Birthday love.<\/p>\n

Trigger: His Birthday?<\/p>\n

Elsie: Yeah<\/p>\n

Trigger: Oh right. Not much of a turn out is it.<\/p>\n

Elsie: They\u2019ll be down later don\u2019t you worry, all the family. He would have been 76 today. He\u2019s last birthday was lovely we went to Margate; he always loved it by the sea. Don\u2019t think I\u2019m being rude pet, but why has that got an RAF sign on it?<\/p>\n

\"Trigger

Trigger gets some of the best lines<\/p><\/div>\n

Trigger: Well like I said I had em specially made, thought it be a nice treat for Albert, what with him being in service in his younger days and that.<\/p>\n

Elsie: Yeah but he weren\u2019t in the R.A.F.<\/p>\n

Trigger: You sure.<\/p>\n

Elsie: Positive pet, I knew him all his life, lived with him for 6 years. He was in the Royal Navy, boy to man.<\/p>\n

Trigger: Well, you learn something everyday don\u2019t you?<\/p>\n

Elsie: Well some days. 40 years plus. Make\u2019s you proud. A man doing service like that, fighting to insure Britain would never be enslaved. All those brave lads. Never be forgotten what they did.<\/p>\n

Trigger: Yeah gets ya right here doesn\u2019t it (Indicates His Heart). Hard to know what he did really though, I mean he never talked about his past much did he.<\/p>\n

Elsie\u2019s expression changes to slight shock, she reluctantly agrees.<\/p>\n

Elsie: Mmm\u2026 Did you actually know him well then?<\/p>\n

Trigger: (Offended) Course I did. He was Del & Dave\u2019s Uncle weren\u2019t he?<\/p>\n

Elsie: Oh its ok pet I thought\u2026 hang on, did you just say Del & Dave.<\/p>\n

Trigger: Yeah.<\/p>\n

Elsie: Who the hell (realises where she is) sorry\u2026 who\u2019s Dave?
\nTrigger: Del Boy\u2019s younger brother isn\u2019t he.<\/p>\n

Elsie: You mean to tell me Del Boys got a brother called Dave? Well Albert never said anything.<\/p>\n

Trigger: Well Albert definitely met him. Yeah I thought everyone knew that.<\/p>\n

Elsie: Well I certainly didn\u2019t. You do learn something everyday. Well I mean, who, is, how old is he, what\u2019s he like.<\/p>\n

Trigger: Oh he\u2019s a real friendly bloke, good listener.<\/p>\n

Elsie: You\u2019ve met him a lot then.<\/p>\n

Trigger: Yeah, yeah, loads. Quite clever as well, mind you I think he takes after his mum there, I mean she was a very intelligent women weren\u2019t she, Del Boys mum.<\/p>\n

Elsie: Well, mmm\u2026 I shouldn\u2019t speak ill of the dead should I.<\/p>\n

Trigger: She had a really good job and everything you know.<\/p>\n

Elsie: I thought Albert told me she used to clean down the council, and then they had to sack her for stealing.
\nTrigger: No before that. She used to be a, now what was it Del called it.<\/p>\n

Elsie: A drunk.<\/p>\n

Trigger: No, No.<\/p>\n

Elsie: When she worked at the cinema you mean?<\/p>\n

Trigger: No, no\u2026 What was it, oh yeah; that was it, she was a \u2018\u2019Freelance Estate Agent\u2019\u2019, very good job.<\/p>\n

Elsie: (Interested) What\u2019s that when it\u2019s at home then.<\/p>\n

Trigger: She used to advertise flats and rooms out to men.<\/p>\n

Elsie: Men and women?<\/p>\n

Trigger: No, just men.<\/p>\n

Elsie: What Joan Trotter selling flats. I never heard anyone mention that before in all me life.<\/p>\n

Trigger: Well she only did it for a while I think. I saw her the one Friday night. She was based outside the Nags Head, she used to approach cars, put her head inside, point to this flat, and then take money off the men. She\u2019d go missing for an hour at a time, smashing women.
\nElsie is completely shocked.<\/p>\n

Elsie: I think I better be off. Some of things you hear. God, they\u2019ll be some strange faces down the legion tonight.<\/p>\n

Trigger: Why ain\u2019t you been for a bit.<\/p>\n

Elsie: No, I mean with what you just told me, shocking isn\u2019t the word. (Looking at Grave) Perhaps you\u2019re better off where you are Albert. Happy Birthday my love, I will say hi to all the girls for you, I\u2019ll be back up later. Bye Pet.<\/p>\n

Elsie leaves the scene in quite a hurry.<\/p>\n

Trigger is standing alone, he seems bored and as if he is just about to leave.<\/p>\n

Trigger: (To Grave) so how are you Albert? We miss you\u2026<\/p>\n

Boycie & Marlene enter the scene.<\/p>\n

Trigger: (Calls with relief) Boycie\u2026<\/p>\n

Marlene is holding a bunch of flowers, Boycie has his mobile phone in his hand.<\/p>\n

Marlene: Shhhh\u2026 Trigger, don\u2019t shout out loud like that.<\/p>\n

Boycie: Yes, someone might think you\u2019ve seen a ghost (Does the Boycie laugh)<\/p>\n

Trigger: I\u2019m glad you\u2019re here.<\/p>\n

Boycie: Why, a bit dead is it (Does the Boycie laugh again)<\/p>\n

Marlene: Boycie (sharp), show some respect will ya, this is a peaceful place.<\/p>\n

Boycie: Show some respect, this woman is something else isn\u2019t she Trig. Let me tell you something my little buttercup of poison there are not many local businessmen who would have missed an important meeting with a North European client to come to a cemetery.<\/p>

\n