{"id":5868,"date":"2014-11-10T14:11:31","date_gmt":"2014-11-10T14:11:31","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.ofah.net\/blog\/?p=5868"},"modified":"2014-11-26T14:15:31","modified_gmt":"2014-11-26T14:15:31","slug":"greasy-spoon","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.ofah.net\/blog\/greasy-spoon\/","title":{"rendered":"Greasy Spoon"},"content":{"rendered":"
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Greasy Spoon is a script by \u00a0Matthew Bate<\/strong><\/p>\n

Time Placement :\u00a0\u00a0Post-Time on Our Hands<\/p>\n

Synopsis: An average morning at Sid\u2019s caf\u00e9\u2026<\/em><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Scene 1 \u2013 Peckham Market, lunch time<\/strong><\/p>\n

Workmen are exiting the caf\u00e9. A homeless man is playing a guitar beside a bag filled with pennies. Trigger approaches and stops by the homeless man.<\/p>\n

Homeless man \u2013 alright mate, dya want a picture?<\/p>\n

Trigger \u2013 That\u2019s weird, that\u2019s what all the women on the bus say when I stare at them gracefully. Then they go on about how their gonna get body builders to break my legs. God, women are a bunch of sports aren\u2019t they?<\/p>\n

Homeless man \u2013 Is there something wrong with you?<\/p>\n

Trigger \u2013 yeah, I want a cup of tea. Do you do requests?<\/p>\n

Homeless man \u2013 I\u2019m not Tom Jones. Although, for a good price.<\/p>\n

Trigger \u2013 Dya know \u201cI Like Banana\u2019s because I have no bones\u201d?<\/p>\n

Homeless man \u2013 No. That\u2019s older than the queen innit?<\/p>\n

Trigger enters Sid\u2019s caf\u00e9.<\/p>\n

Scene 2 \u2013 Sid\u2019s caf\u00e9<\/strong><\/p>\n

The caf\u00e9 is packed with builders and traders. Sid and a teenage blonde are behind the counter rushing around.<\/p>\n

Builder 1 \u2013 Sid, cup of tea and a sausage roll.<\/p>\n

\"Lockside-Cafe\"Builder 2 – This place is like a petrol station on Valentine\u2019s eve.<\/p>\n

Trigger enters.<\/p>\n

Trig \u2013 who\u2019s this Eve. Is she a looker?<\/p>\n

Builder 1 \u2013 Eve of valentine\u2019s day trig.<\/p>\n

Trigger \u2013 cup of tea please Sid.<\/p>\n

Sid \u2013 I\u2019ve only got one pair of hands, and she\u2019s about as useful as a copper in a crisis.<\/p>\n

Sid\u2019s employee, Maisie, spills a pot of tea all over the counter and slings a piece of burnt toast in the air. Trig ducks as it comes towards him. It lands on the empty plate of an obese man sitting in the corner.<\/p>\n

Sid \u2013 Great, we\u2019ll never get him out now.<\/p>\n

Builder 1 \u2013 We could get hold of a bulldozer for ya? We\u2019ll have a tough job getting it from under our gaffer\u2019s nose though.<\/p>\n

Trigger \u2013 Has he got a deformed face or something your boss?<\/p>\n

The two builders take their tea\u2019s and sit at a table.<\/p>\n

Sid \u2013 If anyone else wants a refill, just stick your cup below the counter. It\u2019ll soon fill up.<\/p>\n

Maisie \u2013 I\u2019m sorry uncle Sid. I don\u2019t know what happened?<\/p>\n

Sid \u2013 I do. You may have a GCE in English but you\u2019re got BNE at hard work?<\/p>\n

Maisie \u2013 BNE?<\/p>\n

Sid \u2013 Bloody no experience. You\u2019re supposed to pour it into the cups. Not act like you\u2019re watering flowers.<\/p>\n

Trigger \u2013 Go easy on her Sid. I couldn\u2019t make a cup of tea until I was 21. I kept using flower. What\u2019s the difference?<\/p>\n

Trigger takes his tea and sits down. Sid goes to put money in the till and spots the homeless man playing his guitar outside.<\/p>\n

Sid \u2013 What\u2019s his game?<\/p>\n

Maisie \u2013 Shall I send him a cup of tea?<\/p>\n

Sid \u2013 You will do no such thing. Why does my business always attract the residents of Peckham sewers?<\/p>\n

Maisie \u2013 Maybe it\u2019s the smell.<\/p>\n

Sid rushes out of the counter and approaches the door. He passes Towser and a brunette girl, who are sat at a table.<\/p>\n

Towser \u2013 OI Sid, I\u2019m sure there\u2019s a moggy or something in my porridge.<\/p>\n

Sid \u2013 What dya want for 50p, Weetabix\u2019s?<\/p>\n

Sid exits the caf\u00e9.<\/p>\n

Towser \u2013 Should we go somewhere else?<\/p>\n

Nicola \u2013 Where, Greg\u2019s Glorious Burger Van on the high street? There\u2019s more of his saliva on them buns than meat.<\/p>\n

Towser \u2013 Do you fancy going down the Nags Head later?<\/p>\n

Nicola \u2013 Towser. You\u2019re wasting your time. Yes, we may have bumped ugly in the past. But I was very drunk.<\/p>\n

Towser \u2013 I know. So dya fancy having a drink with me or what? Just as friends mind.<\/p>\n

Nicola laughs.<\/p>\n

Scene 3 \u2013 Outside Sid\u2019s caf\u00e9<\/strong><\/p>\n

Sid exits the caf\u00e9 as the homeless man continues to play.<\/p>\n

Sid \u2013 Oi, this isn\u2019t a bloody homeless shelter. Hop it.<\/p>\n

Homeless man \u2013 you can\u2019t say that to me. My nan once got into a fight with a ninja.<\/p>\n

Sid \u2013 what, a ninja turtle?<\/p>\n

Homeless man \u2013 I\u2019ll leave your area of disease riddled bacteria\u2026 if you make it worth me while.<\/p>\n

Sid \u2013 That\u2019s outrageous. I fought to save this country.<\/p>\n

Homeless man \u2013 Oh yeah, how\u2019d ya get on?<\/p>\n

An old lady approaches and goes to put pennies in the guitar case. Sid catches them before they land in the case.<\/p>\n

Homeless man \u2013 OI.<\/p>\n

Sid \u2013 That\u2019ll cover the cost of you driving away all my customers.<\/p>\n

Homeless man \u2013 Blame the NHS. They\u2019re the ones telling folk to stop chewing the fat.<\/p>\n

Sid \u2013 If you clear off, there\u2019s a bacon sarnie and a Baywatch calendar in it for ya.<\/p>\n

Homeless \u2013 yeah alright, when I\u2019ve gotten bored of it. I can always eat it.<\/p>\n

Sid re-enters the caf\u00e9 and exits a few minutes later holding a calendar and a bacon sandwich. The homeless man snatches the sarnie from his hands and begins eating it.<\/p>

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