{"id":6627,"date":"2017-03-17T17:19:21","date_gmt":"2017-03-17T17:19:21","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.ofah.net\/blog\/?p=6627"},"modified":"2017-03-13T18:42:35","modified_gmt":"2017-03-13T18:42:35","slug":"bells-peckham-part-5","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.ofah.net\/blog\/bells-peckham-part-5\/","title":{"rendered":"The Bells of Peckham part 5"},"content":{"rendered":"
\n\r\n<\/amp-auto-ads>\n<\/div>\n

The Bells of Peckham
\nby Gary Stocker & Paul Stocker<\/p>\n

…Continued from yesterdays script the\u00a0The Bells of Peckham part 4<\/a><\/p>\n

scenes 22\u00a0to\u00a032<\/p>\n

ONLY FOOLS AND HORSES<\/p>\n

INT. NAGS HEAD – DAY<\/strong><\/p>\n

The Nags head is quite full with people attending the stag do.<\/p>\n

Del is sat with Denzil dressed in top hat and jacket. Denzil is dressed smartly but with no top hat.<\/p>\n

DEL<\/p>\n

He’s a diamond, that brother of mine. Not that he’s a better choice than you, Denzil. He’s family, you know.<\/p>\n

DENZIL<\/p>\n

It’s fine, Del. We’ll all have a cracking day. Sounds like Rodney has it all sorted.<\/p>\n

Rodney enters with Mickey Pearce. Both are in suits but no top hat.<\/p>\n

DEL<\/p>\n

Here he comes, look. What’s up, Rodders? You look like Eddie the Eagle’s beaten you over the line.<\/p>\n

RODNEY<\/p>\n

I’ve had a bit of an issue with the Venue.<\/p>\n

DEL<\/p>\n

Right. So… What’s happening?<\/p>\n

DENZIL<\/p>\n

Yeah. Where are we going?<\/p>\n

RODNEY<\/p>\n

Romford Dogs.<\/p>\n

DEL<\/p>\n

We’re going to the Dogs?<\/p>\n

RODNEY<\/p>\n

Yeah. Look, sorry Del. I just couldn’t…<\/p>\n

DEL<\/p>\n

I told you he was a diamond, Didn’t I, Denzil? Mum always said “If you look after him, he’ll look after you” Now I know how bloody wrong she was.<\/p>\n

In the background Boycie, Marlene and Tyler, all togged up, walk through the crowded bar.<\/p>\n

Denzil notices them first and nudges Del. Del looks round and upon seeing Boycie, stands.<\/p>\n

DEL<\/p>\n

Oh my god. As if my day couldn’t get any worse.<\/p>\n

Rodney’s face drops.<\/p>\n

BOYCIE<\/p>\n

Blimey, this old place hasn’t changed.<\/p>\n

(to Del)<\/p>\n

And neither has your taste in clothes. Alright, Del-boy?<\/p>\n

DEL<\/p>\n

Good to see you, too, Boycie. Your taste in put down’s hasn’t changed, either. Still a snob, then? How’s Marlene.<\/p>\n

Del and Marlene embrace with the obligatory “yelp” from Marlene.<\/p>\n

MARLENE<\/p>\n

You ain’t changed, Del.<\/p>\n

BOYCIE<\/p>\n

No he hasn’t. That’s the same suit I last saw him in.<\/p>\n

DEL<\/p>\n

Didn’t know you were coming?<\/p>\n

BOYCIE<\/p>\n

Oh yes, Del. Marlene, Tyler and I were quite excited to receive your wedding and stag invitation. So we booked into the Hotel down the road and here we are. Business good, Del?<\/p>\n

DEL<\/p>\n

Well, Boycie, actually I retired. Damien here is in charge of the business.<\/p>\n

RODNEY<\/p>\n

I’m still the M.D.<\/p>\n

DEL<\/p>\n

Like I said, Damien is in charge of the business.<\/p>\n

MARLENE<\/p>\n

Cor look at you, Damien. When I last saw you, you were full of spots and hair gel.<\/p>\n

RODNEY<\/p>\n

Now he’s full of bull..<\/p>\n

DEL<\/p>\n

Yes, Damien is now a daddy in his own right. Got a little Boy. I’m now a Grandaddy.<\/p>\n

MARLENE<\/p>\n

Really, Who’d of thought. How old?<\/p>\n

DAMIEN<\/p>\n

Three weeks. We called him Rafael.<\/p>\n

BOYCIE<\/p>\n

Rafael? Raf Trotter? You only need to put a riff in front of that and you’d be spot on.<\/p>\n

DEL<\/p>\n

Take no notice, Damien. He’s always been a snob.<\/p>\n

BOYCIE<\/p>\n

Well, Marlene. You’d better head back to the hotel. Me and Tyler will be alright for today’s festivities. Oh Didn’t I introduce Tyler? Come here, Son.<\/p>\n

Tyler stands forward and shakes hands with everyone. Stands with Damien who is a similar age.<\/p>\n

BOYCIE<\/p>\n

Tylers just finished his University stint. Haven’t you, son.<\/p>\n

RODNEY<\/p>\n

Oh is that right? So what job are you doing, now?<\/p>\n

TYLER<\/p>\n

I’m on the dole.<\/p>\n

BOYCIE<\/p>\n

Er. He’s just waiting for the right opportunity to come along.<\/p>\n

DAMIEN<\/p>\n

Stick with me, Tyler. I’ll see your alright.<\/p>\n

BOYCIE<\/p>\n

Rodney, what have you been up to?<\/p>\n

RODNEY<\/p>\n

I’m the M.D. I also drive the van.<\/p>\n

BOYCIE<\/p>\n

Bloody hell. That’s a bit of a miracle.<\/p>\n

RODNEY<\/p>\n

What’s that?<\/p>\n

BOYCIE<\/p>\n

That van’s still running. So, what’s the agenda today, then. I must say you’re splashing out a bit. Royal Ascot. Mind you, I’m used to functions like this out in the country.<\/p>\n

RODNEY<\/p>\n

Yeah, well there’s been a last minute change of plan.<\/p>\n

DEL<\/p>\n

Ain’t there just.<\/p>\n

RODNEY<\/p>\n

We’re not going to Royal Ascot now.<\/p>\n

BOYCIE<\/p>\n

Oh. What’s the alternative?<\/p>\n

RODNEY<\/p>\n

Romford Dogs.<\/p>\n

BOYCIE<\/p>\n

We’re going to the dogs? Blimey. Perhaps Marlene should have come along. I could have lost her in the kennels for a couple of hours.<\/p>\n

DENZIL<\/p>\n

Who are we waiting for?<\/p>\n

RODNEY<\/p>\n

No, that’s all of us.<\/p>\n

MICKEY<\/p>\n

Remember I’ve got to be back by half eight.<\/p>\n

RODNEY<\/p>\n

Yeah yeah Mickey.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

INT. ROMFORD DOGS \u2013 BAR – DAY<\/strong><\/p>\n

The stag do entourage enter the bar. The Ritz it is not. They loiter near the bar area. There are punters sitting at tables more interested in the monitors than anything else.<\/p>\n

BOYCIE<\/p>\n

So Rodney. Me and Tyler came to Del’s stag do expecting royal ascot.. and we’ll now be going home smelling like K9’s jock strap. Tell me… What happened.?<\/p>\n

RODNEY<\/p>\n

What happened? It’s perfectly obvious what happened, Boycie. I cocked up on the booking. I remember it now , I was at the auctions after those Bluetooth earpieces Damian wanted and I must of got me dates wrong.<\/p>\n

BOYCIE<\/p>\n

Oh how nice. So the company is now cornering the world in Bluetooth devices.<\/p>\n

MICKEY<\/p>\n

I wouldn’t want one of them.<\/p>\n

RODNEY<\/p>\n

What?<\/p>\n

MICKEY<\/p>\n

Bluetooth earpieces.<\/p>\n

RODNEY<\/p>\n

Probably because no one ever calls you. Denzil’s got one.<\/p>\n

Denzil is tapping away at his ear trying to get it to work.<\/p>\n

DEL<\/p>\n

Cor blimey, hurry up and get us a drink will ya I’m dying of thirst here.<\/p>\n

RODNEY<\/p>\n

Sure. What do ya want Del ?<\/p>\n

DEL<\/p>\n

Cubre libre.<\/p>\n

RODNEY<\/p>\n

Er, I don’t think they do your exotic cocktails here. It’s the dogs.<\/p>\n

DEL<\/p>\n

Stone me bruv, well why ya bring us here for?<\/p>\n

RODNEY<\/p>\n

Look I’m sorry ok it’s all I could find last minute alright ?!<\/p>\n

DEL<\/p>\n

Right night we’re gonna have aren’t we? Watching lassie doing the Hokey Cokey all night.<\/p>\n

BOYCIE<\/p>\n

Be like an old nags head do then, Del.<\/p>\n

DEL<\/p>\n

(Annoyed)<\/p>\n

So what do they do then, Rodney?<\/p>\n

RODNEY<\/p>\n

Lager.<\/p>\n

DEL<\/p>\n

Lager. Do I look like a lager lout to you, Bruv? Look at me, look, I’m done up to the nines. I feel a right div. Talk about overdressed.<\/p>\n

RODNEY<\/p>\n

Del – You’ve been overdressed all your life. When you went to have that filling done you wore a three piece suit.<\/p>\n

MICKEY<\/p>\n

Come on Rodney get this show on the road I’m on limited time, here.<\/p>\n

RODNEY<\/p>\n

Alright alright. Well let’s all put a score in for a beer kitty and take it from there. Micky get the rest of \u2018em to sit down at that table and I’ll bring the the drinks over.<\/p>\n

The group sit on the round table. Minus Del who’s gone to<\/p>\n

the toilet.<\/p>\n

DENZIL<\/p>\n

So, Boycie, how’s life on the farm ?<\/p>\n

BOYCIE<\/p>\n

Busy Denzil, busy. Cattle to feed, fields to mow, Scarecrows to make. Oh yes. It’s one job after another. You should come and visit one day, denzil, I’m sure there’s a pig sty that needs mucking out somewhere or another. (Boycie laugh)<\/p>\n

DENZIL<\/p>\n

Thanks Boycie. I’ll keep it mind.<\/p>\n

MICKEY<\/p>

\n