{"id":7802,"date":"2019-11-04T15:27:26","date_gmt":"2019-11-04T15:27:26","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.ofah.net\/blog\/?p=7802"},"modified":"2019-11-26T14:19:19","modified_gmt":"2019-11-26T14:19:19","slug":"only-fools-and-horses-fan-script-old-money","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.ofah.net\/blog\/only-fools-and-horses-fan-script-old-money\/","title":{"rendered":"Only Fools and Horses Fan script : OLD MONEY"},"content":{"rendered":"
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OLD MONEY is an Only Fools and Horses Fan script by Vin Hatcher <\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Based on characters by John Sullivan<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Scene 1 \u2013 Peckham Market place<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Del (to crowd):
\u201cLadies n\u2019 gentlemen, today we have a true bargain, a real piece of genuine
Gordon Bleu cuisine. This is none of your foreign made rubbish. Just one pound will buy you not one\u2026 not three\u2026 but four tins of this British made\u2026.Hungarian Goulash\u201d
Crowd start to disperse, disinterested<\/em>
Del \u201cHold on, hold on, this is a gem, not to be sniffed at\u201d
Trigger arrives, passing by with his cart<\/em>
Trig \u201cAlright, Del?\u201d
Del \u201cTriffic, Trig, just triffic, they’re all going bandy for this British Hungarian Goulash\u201d
Trig \u201cWhere’s Dave?\u201d
Del \u201cEh? Oh\u2026Rodney? He’s at \u2018ome playing wiv his floppy discs. Albert’s on look out today\u201d
Trigger sees Albert in near distance
Trig \u201cAlright, Albert?\u201d (gives thumbs-up)
Albert \u201cAlright, son?\u201d (waves)
Del (shouts) \u201cJust keep your eyes peeled, you soppy old git!\u201d
(To trigger) \u201cAnyway, Trig, how’s your luck?\u201d
Trig \u201cGood Del, good, as it happens. Just now, on me my round, I was sweeping in Lesotho Way and I found this, in a bush\u201d (shows Del a metal box containing a large number of old coins)
Del \u201cCor, you did well, Trig\u201d
Trig \u201c What do you think I should do with \u2018em? Hand \u2018em in?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"Only
Trig \u201c What do you think I should do with \u2018em? Hand \u2018em in? <\/figcaption><\/figure><\/div>\n\n\n\n


Del \u201cNo. Old Bill won’t want \u2019em. It’s Finders Keepers innit? Stands to reason, or as the French say \u2018Bonne Nuit, Monsieur!\u201d
Trig \u201cYeah, I suppose so, Del. Not sure what to do with them, though. You
wouldn’t be interested in them would you?\u201d
Del \u201cWell, I don’t know much about coins, Trig. I might be able to take them off your hands. Depends on what they are. I tell you what, bring \u2018em round to the flat to let Rodney have a look at them. He’s the one with GCE\u2019s\u201d
Trig \u201cAlright, Del, I\u2019ll do that. See you later.\u201d
(to Albert) \u201cSee ya, Albert!\u201d
Albert \u201cYah. See you son!\u201d
\u2013<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Scene 2 – Trotters\u2019 flat, Nelson Mandela House<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Rodney sitting at computer, pressing buttons.<\/em>
Rodney: \u201cThis poxy thing\u2026.\u201d
Doorbell rings
Rodney \u201cOh, what now?\u201d
Goes to door, let’s Trigger into the flat
\u201cHello Trig, come in\u201d
They walk into front room.
Rodney sits at PC again.
Trig \u201cAlright Dave?\u201d
Rodney \u201cYes\u201d
Trigger \u201cHow’s it going?\u201d
Rodney \u201cCosmic, Trig, cosmic\u201d
Trig \u201cWhat you doing?\u201d
Rodney \u201cI’m boiling an egg, Trig! What’s it look like?\u201d
Trig \u201cI didn’t know you could use computers to do that sort of thing?\u201d
(Rodney looks at him, bemused)<\/em>
Rodney \u201cDid you want something, Trig?\u201d
Trig \u201cYeah. Del said for me to show you these coins\u201c
(Rodney looks through the box)<\/em>
Rodney \u201cHey, you’ve got some nice ones in here, Trig, they’ve got Queen Victoria on them and everything and in good condition\u201d
Trig \u201cI want to sell them if you\u2019re interested?\u201d
Rodney \u201cWell, as an executive member of Trotters Independent Traders I may wish to purchase antique items such as these, yes\u201d
Trig \u201cYeah, but do you want them?\u201d
Rodney yes trick that’s what I said they’re good ones highly collectable I would have thought
Trigger \u201cThey’re yours, then, deal\u201d
(Hold out hands to shake)
Rodney \u201cHold on, Trig, I ain’t even said a price yet\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"Only
Rodney \u201cHold on, Trig, I ain’t even said a price yet\u201d <\/figcaption><\/figure><\/div>\n\n\n\n


Trig \u201cOh yeah, how much, then, Dave?\u201d
Rodney \u201cShall we say\u2026 oooh (thinks) \u00a3100 Trig?\u201d
Trig \u201c\u00a3100? Done, Dave!\u201d
(Holds out hand)
Trig \u201cYou just made my day!\u201d
(They shake hands. Rodney reaches into Del’s cigar pot and pulls out \u00a3100 in notes to give to Trigger.)<\/em>
(Trigger leaves, smiling)
(Rodney sits back at computer pressing buttons again. Shortly after Del comes into flat)<\/em>
Del \u201cAlright, bruv?\u201d
Rodney \u201cCosmic!\u201d
Del \u201cWhat you doing?\u201d
Rodney \u201cBoiling an egg!\u201d
Dell \u201cAlright, you saucy sod!\u201d
Rodney \u201cWell\u2026. \u201c (looks up from screen)
Rodney \u201cHow did you get on flogging the Hungarian goulash?\u201d
Dell \u201cRotten. No one’s interested. Mind you, those tins are out of date, if you
read the label closely enough. Oh, did Trigger come round with a box of coins? Did you have a Butcher\u2019s?\u201d\u201d
Rodney \u201cYes\u201d
Del. \u201cWell, were they any good?\u201d
Rodney \u201cYes. I bought them from him. Gave him a hundred\u201d
Del \u201cDo what?\u201d
Rodney \u201cI bought them. They\u2019re over there, on the cabinet\u201d
Dell \u201c\u00a3100? Have you gone mad?\u201d
Rodney \u201cThey look like collectors items to me, Del. I am empowered to purchase antiques if I deem them worthy of purchasing\u201d
Del \u201cYeah I know, but a ton? Are you sure they\u2019re collectors items?\u201d
Rodney \u201cLook they’ve got Queen Victoria on them an\u2019 everything. They are old. Some people collect that sort of thing\u201d
Del \u201cWell, you better be right, Rodney, the last time you bought an antique we ended up with a genuine 19th century Georgian sideboard with \u2018John Lewis\u2019 stamped on the bottom!\u201d
Rodney \u201cI thought that was the name of a previous owner!\u201d
Dell \u201cWhat a plonker! Here, don’t Boycie collect coins and stuff like that?\u201d
Rodney \u201cWhat apart from collecting \u00a310 notes?\u201d
(Del laughs)
Rodney \u201cYes, he does collect old currency. I’ve seen them in his display cabinet.\u201d
Del \u201cWell I think I\u2019ll have to show him these\u201d (picks up the metal box to look inside)
(Door opens. Albert comes in with a cardboard box)
Del \u201cYou took your time!\u201d
Albert \u201cCheeky beggar! Couldn’t you help me up with all this Hungarian
Goulash?\u201d
Del \u201cYou used the lift, didn’t ya?\u201d
Albert \u201cYah, I know, but I ain’t getting any younger am I?\u201d
Del \u201cShut up, you silly old git and go and make us some grub. My stomach\u2019s
rumbling\u201d (rubs belly) \u201cI’ve had a hard day selling\u201d
Albert \u201cYou? What about me? I was working too!\u201d
Del \u201cOh yeah. Hanging around looking out for PC plod\u2026 very taxing!\u201d (laughs)
Del \u201c\u2019Ere, Albert take a look at these\u201d (shows him the coins) \u201cWhat do you
think?\u201d
Albert \u201cDunno, son, don’t know much about numerology\u201d
Del \u201cNumer\u2026what?\u201d
Rodney \u201cI think he means\u2026numismatics\u201d
Del \u201cYeah? Well never mind that, you soppy old sod, I’m talking about old coins\u201d
Albert \u201cYah, so am I, Del and I don’t know nothing about \u2018em!\u201d
Del \u201dYeah, but I thought you might recognise some of the Victorian ones? Might have spent \u2018em in your youth?\u201d (Smiles, looks at Rodney)
Albert \u201cBloody cheek! I’m going to make the dinner!\u201d
(walks towards kitchen)
Rodney \u201cWhat are we having?\u201d
Albert and Del (in unison) \u201cHungarian goulash!\u201d
\u2013<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Scene 3 \u2013 The Nag\u2019s Head<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Boycie at bar talking to Mike and Denzel
Boycie \u201cSo I said to this geezer you can either take that Sierra as it is or lump it, that’s what sold as seen means\u201d (laughs)
Mike and Denzil both laugh, too
Del walks in
Del \u201cAlright, Boycie?\u201d
Boycie \u201cAlright Del. Yes, not too bad\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"Only
Boycie \u201cAlright Del. Yes, not too bad\u201d <\/figcaption><\/figure><\/div>\n\n\n\n


Del \u201cHow’s Marlene, and after her bit of trouble?\u201d
Boycie \u201cWhat has that got to do with you?\u201d
Del \u201cWell I heard on the grapevine that she had a bit of trouble?\u201d
Mike \u201cOh I’m sorry to hear that, Boycie\u201d
Boycie \u201cThat is none of your business, Mike\u201d
Denzil \u201cYeah, I’m sorry to hear about Marlene, Boycie. She had a bit of trouble?\u201d
Boycie \u201cShe has not had a bit of trouble!\u201d
Del \u201cWell Sid, down the cafe said she had\u201d
Boycie \u201cGood God, you tell Sid something you might as well publish it in the
News of the World!\u201d
Del \u201cAnyway as long as she’s alright? By the way you into collecting money?\u201d
Boycie \u201cWho isn’t?\u201d (laughs)
Del \u201cNo, old money, old coins?\u201d
Boycie \u201cI do have an interest, yes, you could say that it’s a bit of a hobby of mine\u201d
Del \u201cBecause Rodney says he remembers seeing lots of valuable coins in that display cabinet of yours, in your front room?\u201d
Boycie \u201cKeep your voice down down, Del! We don’t want every cat burglar in Peckham knowing about it!\u201d
Del \u201cYeah well\u2026 (whispering) he thought you had some. Would you be interested in buying some more?\u201d
Boycie \u201cDepends on what you’ve got?\u201d
Del Victorian ones all call a whole box\u201d
Boycie yes does sound mildly interesting down I must admit meet me at home tonight and I’ll have a look no promises though Del\u201d
Del traffic boy see you know it makes sense see you tonight then\u201d
\u2013<\/p>

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