{"id":975,"date":"2018-03-15T13:19:27","date_gmt":"2018-03-15T13:19:27","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/ofah.webhostingireland.ie\/blog\/?p=975"},"modified":"2018-03-15T16:48:41","modified_gmt":"2018-03-15T16:48:41","slug":"theres-rhino-loose-in-the-city","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.ofah.net\/blog\/theres-rhino-loose-in-the-city\/","title":{"rendered":"There&#8217;s Rhino loose in the city"},"content":{"rendered":"<div class=\"d7386eeb5bdcd2f43c1295b58ceaf130\" data-index=\"3\" style=\"float: right; margin:5px 0 5px 5px;\">\n<amp-auto-ads type=\"adsense\"\r\n              data-ad-client=\"ca-pub-1609637348681190\">\r\n<\/amp-auto-ads>\n<\/div>\n<h2>THERE IS A RHINO LOOSE IN THE CITY<\/h2>\n<p>Based on an original idea by Derek Trotter,with sarcastic comments from Albert and Rodney.<\/p>\n<p>By Martin Fryer<a title=\"THERE IS A RHINO LOOSE IN THE CITY\" href=\"http:\/\/www.ofah.net\/docs\/THERE%20IS%20A%20RHINO%20LOOSE%20IN%20THE%20CITY.doc\"><\/a><\/p>\n<p><a title=\"THERE IS A RHINO LOOSE IN THE CITY\" href=\"http:\/\/www.ofah.net\/docs\/THERE%20IS%20A%20RHINO%20LOOSE%20IN%20THE%20CITY.doc\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" src=\"http:\/\/www.ofah.net\/images\/script.gif\" border=\"0\" alt=\"\" width=\"25\" height=\"24\" \/> Download Script (28K)<\/a><\/p>\n<p>EXT.NIGHT\u00a0 A ZOO.<\/p>\n<p>We pan along various cages as the camera takes us into the zoo,just then A rhino appears at a bend in the bars,the Rhino now stands up and squeezes through the bars and legs it out of the Zoo.<\/p>\n<p>EXT.NIGHT. A COUNTRY LANE<\/p>\n<p>We see the Rhino walking along the side of a road,it comes to a sign,the sign says&#8230;<\/p>\n<p>&#8216;TO LONDON&#8217; and an arrow pointing one way,and TO THE STICKS\u00a0 and an arrow pointing the other way<\/p>\n<p>The Rhino follows the arrow to London.<\/p>\n<p>EXT.DAY THE ZOO<\/p>\n<p>We are in the car park and a female Zoo keeper (Marlean) stands looking at the car park entrance and then to her watch.<\/p>\n<p>A car pulls into the car park and Detective Heston (Delboy) gets out.<\/p>\n<p>HESTON.Good afternoon ma&#8217;m,I beleive you phoned my nick with some information regarding the 300 people that have turned up dead in London covered in Rhino prints.<\/p>\n<p>ZOO KEEPER.Thats right Detective.<\/p>\n<p>HESTON.Mai Oui,please call me Charlton<\/p>\n<p>As the Detective say Charlton a car park attendent laughs.<\/p>\n<p>HESTON.Oi,my mother was a fan alright pal?\u00a0 now whats your name?<\/p>\n<p>ZOO KEEPER.Im Joan.<\/p>\n<p>HESTON.Joan is one of my most favourite names.<\/p>\n<p>ZOO KEEPER.Shall we go to my office and discuss it.<\/p>\n<p>HESTON.Lead the way.<\/p>\n<p>As she goes Heston grabs her arse and whistles,she laughs.<\/p>\n<p>INT.DAY.\u00a0 ZOO KEEPERS OFFICE.<\/p>\n<p>JOAN.Ive got a Rhino missing<\/p>\n<p>HESTON.How long has it been missing?<\/p>\n<p>JOAN.I dunno.<\/p>\n<p>HESTON.Look love,if you&#8217;ve got a Rhino and one day its missing,you tend to notice.<\/p>\n<p>JOAN.Yeah but I aint just got one Rhino,ive probably got two or three Rhino&#8217;s.<\/p>\n<p>HESTON.Maybe,just maybe we&#8217;ve got a killer Rhino on the loose in London.<\/p>\n<p>EXT.NIGHT A LONDON BACK STREET.<\/p>\n<p>An old man walks(Albert) round the back of a block of lock up garages,as he does we see from the POV of something in one of the garages,just then it charges and knocks the old man over.<\/p>\n<p>OLD MAN.Aint it bloody fair ay? I though a war ya know<\/p>\n<p>He now shuts his eyes and dies.<\/p>\n<p>EXT.DAY. A LONDON BACKSTREET<\/p>\n<p>A couple og coppers in uniform zip up the body as Detective Heston makes a few notes in his book.<\/p>\n<p>COPPER.Do you want a lift back to the station sir?<\/p>\n<p>HESTON.No thanks,im gonna go sample the nice and relaxing atmosphere and the friendly service of the seventh heaven sauna.<\/p><div class=\"d7386eeb5bdcd2f43c1295b58ceaf130\" data-index=\"2\" style=\"float: none; margin:5px 0 5px 0; text-align:center;\">\n<script async src=\"\/\/pagead2.googlesyndication.com\/pagead\/js\/adsbygoogle.js\"><\/script>\r\n<!-- ofah2-response -->\r\n<ins class=\"adsbygoogle\"\r\n     style=\"display:block\"\r\n     data-ad-client=\"ca-pub-1609637348681190\"\r\n     data-ad-slot=\"5593259115\"\r\n     data-ad-format=\"auto\"><\/ins>\r\n<script>\r\n(adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({});\r\n<\/script>\n<\/div>\n\n<p>Just then 150 extra&#8217;s walk past the shot.<\/p>\n<p>HESTON.Hang on a minute there son,look at that garage,its open,lets go take a look.<\/p>\n<p>Heston and the copper go into the open garage,we see that it has something covering the floor.<\/p>\n<p>HESTON.Do you know what this is?<\/p>\n<p>COPPER.No.<\/p>\n<p>HESTON.Its three and half foot of Rhino crap.<\/p>\n<p>COPPER.Do you think that its A rhino thats been killing everyone then Sir.<\/p>\n<p>HESTON.No no no,I still think its that Butler we questioned,i mean if it had been a rhino people on the tops of buses and sat in cafes would have seen it,unless of course it only comes out at night.<\/p>\n<p>COPPER.What is it,a vam&#8230;&#8230;<\/p>\n<p>HESTON.Don&#8217;t!!<\/p>\n<p>Just then two men come into shot (man one played by Mike and man two by Trigger)<\/p>\n<p>MAN1.Fancy that,we go to the health food shop to get some carrotts and theres a bloody Rhino out the back.<\/p>\n<p>MAN2.Yeah.<\/p>\n<p>Heston hears this and approaches.<\/p>\n<p>HESTON.Did you say that there is a Rhino hold up in the back of a health food shop<\/p>\n<p>MAN 1.Yeah.<\/p>\n<p>HESTON.What about you,did you see it?<\/p>\n<p>MAN 2.You dirty rat.<\/p>\n<p>HESTON.Right you can take me there.<\/p>\n<p>MAN.I cant mate sorry,im only in a little cameo.<\/p>\n<p>Heston pulls his phone out and dials a number.<\/p>\n<p>HESTON.Hello is that Joan,yeah its Charlton,ive found your Rhino,yeah its hiding in the back of a health food shop,yeah meet me there.<\/p>\n<p>EXT.DAY A HEALTH FOOD SHOP<\/p>\n<p>Heston and Joan enter the shop.<\/p>\n<p>HESTON.Is it right that you&#8217;ve got a Rhino hiding out the back?<\/p>\n<p>LADY.It was here but its gone,I think its heading for the sticks where no sod lives.<\/p>\n<p>JOAN.Shall we follow it?<\/p>\n<p>HESTON.Well I thought maybe we could go back to mine and i could give you what for because your the romantic interest.<\/p>\n<p>JOAN.Alright then.<\/p>\n<p>Heston sweps Joan off her feet and they leave.<\/p>\n<p>JOAN.What about if the Rhino causes trouble out in the sticks.<\/p>\n<p>HESTON.Its not my problem,you don&#8217;t call someone like me out because someones had a go at ya carrotts.<\/p>\n<p>THE END<\/p>\n<h2>Your Scripts<\/h2>\n<p>Would you like to write a script?<\/p>\n<p>Please make sure you follow our\u00a0guidlines to avoid disappointment as we will not\u00a0use any that don&#8217;t meet the criteria.<\/p>\n<p>Suggestion, if you have a PDA then why not drag the documents accross and read them next time you have a spare 10 mins.<\/p>\n<h2>Script\u00a0guidelines<\/h2>\n<ul>\n<li>Please use the characters by John Sullivan (Del, Rodney, Trig Boycie etc) as the central characters<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<ul>\n<li>Please write the script in the same way as others on this site (eg each line starts with the person speaking and a dot &#8220;Del.&#8221;)<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<ul>\n<li>Always keep your files as we may want to change one or two things and it will be easier if you have kept all versions.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<ul>\n<li>Keep it clean and presentable as it&#8217;s a family show<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<ul>\n<li>Make it funny, but believable<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<!--CusAds0-->\n<div style=\"font-size: 0px; height: 0px; line-height: 0px; margin: 0; padding: 0; clear: both;\"><\/div>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<a href=\"https:\/\/www.ofah.net\/blog\/theres-rhino-loose-in-the-city\/\"><img decoding=\"async\" width=\"125\" src=\"\" class=\"alignright wp-post-image tfe\" alt=\"\" title=\"\" \/><\/a><p>THERE IS A RHINO LOOSE IN THE CITY Based on an original idea by Derek Trotter,with sarcastic comments from Albert and Rodney. By Martin Fryer Download Script (28K) EXT.NIGHT\u00a0 A ZOO. We pan along various cages as the camera takes us into the zoo,just then A rhino appears at a bend in the bars,the Rhino [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":"","_links_to":"","_links_to_target":""},"categories":[25,51],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-975","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-only-fools-and-horses","category-scripts"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v26.8 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/product\/yoast-seo-wordpress\/ -->\n<title>There&#039;s Rhino loose in the city<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"THERE IS A RHINO LOOSE IN THE CITY Based on an original idea by Derek Trotter,with sarcastic comments from Albert and Rodney. 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