{"id":977,"date":"2010-01-04T20:22:15","date_gmt":"2010-01-04T20:22:15","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/ofah.webhostingireland.ie\/blog\/?p=977"},"modified":"2017-02-10T12:56:28","modified_gmt":"2017-02-10T12:56:28","slug":"never-ending-day","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.ofah.net\/blog\/never-ending-day\/","title":{"rendered":"Never Ending Day"},"content":{"rendered":"
\n\r\n<\/amp-auto-ads>\n<\/div>\n

Only Fools and Horses<\/h2>\n

<\/span><\/p>\n

N<\/span>ever Ending Day<\/h2>\n

By Tom Griffith<\/a><\/p>\n

\"\" Download Script (78K)<\/a><\/p>\n

<\/span><\/p>\n

Scene 1<\/strong> \u2013 In the Nelson Mandela House –\u00a0 Del and Rodney are in the flat, Del Boy watching a dodgy looking old T.V and Rodney tying up his show lasses whilst reading the Peckham News paper.\u00a0 Del is whining about the tele.\u00a0 (5 seconds in to the first scene\u2026.)<\/p>\n

DEL. Nothing but rubbish on this box\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026.. there\u2019s more rubbish inside the tele than there is watching the bloody thing.\u00a0 No wonder it was at a knocked off price\u2026\u2026\u2026..\u00a0 That\u2019s the last time I buy anything off him!<\/p>\n

RODNEY. This is Sandy Fellas we\u2019re talking about here; he\u2019s about as reliable as someone with amnesia! Did you actually inspect it before you decided to buy 15 of the bloody things?<\/p>\n

(Del reacts in a mode, which brings across cockyness)<\/p>\n

<\/strong><\/p>\n

DEL. I shouldn\u2019t have should I Rodders, its business, I\u2019m too shruud for that sort of thing, I just dive in and hope for the best don\u2019t I?<\/p>\n

RODNEY.\u00a0 Yeah don\u2019t you just, how we gonna sell those rotten tele\u2019s anyway? Half of them don\u2019t even work! What you gunna do when they all bring them back demanding a re-fund?<\/p>\n

DEL. <\/strong>Well Sandy knows this geezer \u2013 Jimmy the Jackhead who repairs tele\u2019s for any of his business clients for free right? Who he get\u2019s paid a douze in bunce for it as part of the old deal and sandy will get happy punters, I get fixed tele\u2019s and every ones a winner! Comment de tont, as they say in the old francois.\u00a0 I\u2019m also chucking in a Malaysian rug to? So you can\u2019t complain.<\/p>\n

(Rodney looks dazzled at the thought of manky old rugs being chukd in with the deal)<\/p>\n

DEL. What else dya want for 50 quid?<\/p>\n

(Rod Reacts) <\/strong><\/p>\n

RODNEY. <\/strong>What! Those horrible looking fings ? The rugs you nicked from Dirty Barry? Del they look like old sheep\u2019s skin that\u2019s been attacked by a butcher.<\/p>\n

DEL. <\/strong>I think they\u2019re very nice looking rugs Rodney, all they need is a run down with the JAY-Edgar and your laughing!\u00a0 Any way I did not nick em! I was jus doin a favour for a mate aint I ay? He can\u2019t sell em so I sed I\u2019d help him by takin them off him! As he got so fed up wiv em<\/p>\n

RODNEY. <\/strong> Oh yeah? So what was his part of the deal?<\/p>\n

DEL. He gets one of my broken tele\u2019s if Sandy\u2019s mate can\u2019t fix em!<\/p>\n

(Del laughs to himself and Rodney looks mortified)<\/p>\n

DEL. <\/strong>Anyway, enough of all that, we gota go down the nags head, I gota see if I can knock some of those rugs down to Mike as he needs to decorate the lounge area again<\/p>\n

RODNEY. What again? Bloody hell Del he\u2019s re done that place up more times than a changing room!<\/p>\n

DEL. <\/strong>Oh shut up you tart, if he wants em he wants em dun he, his choice.<\/p>\n

Anyway I want you to help me carry em out, they\u2019re a bit awkward to carry.<\/p>\n

<\/strong><\/p>\n

RODNEY. <\/strong>Yeah ok.<\/p>\n

<\/strong><\/p>\n

RODNEY. <\/strong>So why does he wanna buy some Rugs off ya?<\/p>\n

DEL. <\/strong>He don\u2019t know yet! (Del laughs as Rodneys looks at Del in a way of disgust)<\/p>\n

RODNEY. <\/strong>Del come on that aint fair howd u fink he\u2019s gonna feel when he realizes he\u2019s been knocked in to one of your \u2018deals\u2019 again eh?\u00a0 Remember the pub chairs you promised him?\u00a0 You ended up giving him garden furniture!<\/p>\n

DEL. <\/strong>It\u2019s business son, he\u2019s a mate and understands, but also he\u2019s my business associate when I need to strike a deal.<\/p>\n

<\/strong><\/p>\n

RODNEY. <\/strong>So what is he on this occasion?<\/p>\n

DEL. <\/strong>Business associate<\/p>\n

(Rod Reacts)<\/p>\n

Scene 2 – The Nags Head<\/h3>\n

Del and Rodney walk in to the Nags Head and Albert is already in there having a drink talking to Trigger, Boycie and Denzil.\u00a0 Del socialises with the others when he has ago at Albert. Trigger and Denzil greet del whilst del suddenly notices Albert having a drink.<\/p>\n

DEL.\u00a0 Watcha gentlemen, oi where the hell have you been all morning you soppy old duffer?<\/p>\n

ALBERT. <\/strong>I been down the Market Del, I went to get those spare leads you asked me to get for those teles.<\/p>\n

<\/strong><\/p>\n

Del.\u00a0 Ok yeah alrite,<\/p>\n

BOYCIE.\u00a0 Del Boy! How\u2019s business? I heard you were knocking off some frozen tele\u2019s, I was having a word with Sunglasses Ron not long ago, he was in stitches telling me about it. (Boycie laughs in an evily manor) in trademark style<\/p>\n

(Del Boy looks slightly annoyed at boycies remark and starts lying about his (Dels) business lately to impress and get back at Boycie.)<\/p>\n

Del. Business is blooming Boycie my friend, sold over hundred and fifty of those videos the other day!<\/p>\n

Boycie. Ohh did you? Well, I\u2019ll give you a shout if I need any of them, I could do with some tape to do up on Marlene\u2019s mouth!<\/p>\n

(Boycie, Del and Rodney laugh at Boycies sarcastic comment)<\/p>\n

DEL. <\/strong>Right-o, mike! I\u2019ll have a PeanaCloda with lots of ice and drinks for the lads, on the slate? as I\u2019m bracid once again look.<\/p>\n

MIKE. I\u2019ve got enough of your slates to re do a bloody pavement!<\/p>\n

DEL. <\/strong>Yeah well I was goin to talk to you about that weren\u2019t I.\u00a0 I\u2019ve got 42 lovely looking rugs, four quid a go, you can have 5 for twelve quid plus a lovely looking tele, yeah? Come on Michael, im more or less \u00a0starving my self!<\/p>\n

MIKE. <\/strong>Alrite I\u2019ll take em, give me one free and we\u2019ll forget about the drinks?<\/p>\n

DEL. Good boy Michael, you know it makes sense!<\/p>\n

(Mike just realises he has been conned out of money for the drinks)<\/p>\n

ALBERT.\u00a0 So have you got rid of those awful Maysalian rugs yet?<\/p>\n

DEL.\u00a0 There is nothing wrong with those bleeding rugs alrite! No as it happenes I have not got rid of em yet, mikes taking five off me but apart from that, sod all sold so shut up about it and no more on the subject, alrite!<\/p>\n

(There is a short silence for about 5 seconds)<\/p>\n

Trigger.\u00a0 Alrite Dave?<\/p>\n

RODNEY.\u00a0 Alrite Trigg?<\/p>\n

TRIGGER.\u00a0 So you in to all that then?<\/p>\n

RODNEY.\u00a0 In to what Trigg?<\/p>\n

TRIGGER.\u00a0 Malaysian clothing?<\/p>\n

(Rod and the others react with a smirk on their face also looking dazzled)<\/p>\n

RODNEY.\u00a0 No Trigg they aint clothing, they\u2019re sort of like carpet materials, you know.<\/p>\n

TRIGGER.\u00a0 Oh right\u2026 what makes Malaysian then?<\/p>\n

RODNEY.\u00a0 Trigg, Malaysia\u2019s a country init, you know, sort of near the other side of the world.\u00a0 Not Nike or anything like that.<\/p>\n

BOYCIE.\u00a0 Come along Rodney, Trigger wouldn\u2019t know where Milton Keens was.<\/p>\n

(Del Rodney and Albert go and sit down at a table in the pub)<\/p>\n

DEL.\u00a0 Right,\u00a0 Rodney when we get back to the flat, I want you to try and sort the squeaky noise out on that door.<\/p>\n

RODNEY.\u00a0 Why have I gota do it for? (Rodney looks at Albert) I\u2019m not the one who spilt brandy all over the hinges to make it like that in the first place.<\/p>\n

ALBERT.\u00a0 Don\u2019t have ago at me son, you\u2019re the one who shoved past me the other nite in a strop when I answered the door to you.<\/p>\n

RODNEY. I was not in a strop, I was just tired.<\/p>\n

DEL.\u00a0 Why were you in a strop for Rodney?<\/p>\n

RODNEY.\u00a0 Coz Mickey Pearce nicked my rain coat and it was soaking bloody wet the other nite and there I was walking in the dark more or less swimming home.<\/p>\n

ALBERT.\u00a0 Well that weren\u2019t my fault was it!<\/p>\n

DEL.\u00a0 Alrite alrite you to just pack it in alrite? Anyway, Rodney, I want you to go down to the garage and see if you can find any of that oil stuff ok.<\/p>\n

RODNEY.\u00a0 Yeah ok\u2026.What for?<\/p>\n

DEL.\u00a0 To put some in your gob so that you will speak more smoothly, you miserable sod!<\/p>\n

(Albert and Del laughs as Rodney looks annoyed.)<\/p>\n

Scene 3 \u2013 Back at Nelson Mandela House<\/p>\n

Rodney\u2019s back at the flat kneeling down by the front door as you walk in, he is trying to fix the door hinges, he bangs his head awkwardly and swears, Albert is sitting in his chair with a brandy laughing at him.<\/p>\n

Rodney.\u00a0 Bastard!<\/p>\n

ALBERT.\u00a0 hahahahah! Now you know how I felt the other nite.\u00a0 Serves you rite for being such a misery!<\/p>\n

RODNEY.\u00a0 Oh shut up you stupid old burk!\u00a0 I\u2019ve Been here for hours trying to fix these bloody things.<\/p>\n

(Del comes in through the front door)<\/p>\n

DEL. That\u2019s the way Rodney, I\u2019ve been out all day trying to put abit of grub on the table and all you can do is sit there messing about with the bloody door which I told you to do yonks ago<\/p>\n

RODNEY.\u00a0 For your information Derrick, I have been working on this bloody thing and trying to clear the muck off them carpets.<\/p>\n

DEL.\u00a0 That\u2019s all we\u2019ve been on about today, those bleeding carpets.\u00a0 They\u2019ve been mentioned more times than the prime minister does on the tele.<\/p>\n

DEL.\u00a0 Alrite Uncle, ere, when you gunna put abit of dinner on, I\u2019m starving aint I?<\/p>\n

ALBERT.\u00a0 Yeah I\u2019ll put some on in abit.<\/p>\n

Rodney has just about finished the door, he\u2019s got a fag in his hand, he opens and closes the door to show Del that there is no longer a squeaky noise when he realizes he has spilt oil all over the rusty rugs.<\/p>\n

RODNEY.\u00a0 There you are, Rodney has done it my son, listen to that not a sound!<\/p>\n

ALBERT.\u00a0 What\u2019s that seeping through the door Del?<\/p>\n

(Del and Albert have noticed leaking oil)<\/p>\n

DEL.\u00a0 You dozy little twonk Rodney!!! You\u2019ve spilt oil all over the place look!<\/p>\n

RODNEY.\u00a0 Ah no! It\u2019s all over the walls and rugs look!<\/p>\n

DEL. Clear it up quick before I clear you up!<\/p>\n

(Rodney goes in to the kitchen to get a cloth to clear up the mess)<\/p>\n

DEL. I don\u2019t believe him, wata plonker! Wata plonker! I can\u2019t trust that boy really I can\u2019t<\/p>\n

ALBERT.\u00a0 Your mum always said he\u2019d be a bit on the clumsy side when he grew older!<\/p>\n

DEL.\u00a0 You noticed the small fings did ya?<\/p>\n

(Rodney clears up the mess whilst smoking a fag at the same time.)<\/p>\n

RODNEY. Shut up will ya, it\u2019s your fault for leaving them stupid carpet fings there in the first place, and they were always gunna cause an accident<\/p>\n

DEL. Yeah, like some div getting in the way and spilling halfa tin of oil all over them.<\/p>\n

(Rodney reacts to Del\u2019s comment then accidentally drops his cigarette which causes a mini fire which the spilt oil on the carpet reacts to.<\/p>\n

RODNEY. Bloody hell Del! quick get the fire extinguisher or sumin quick!<\/p>\n

DEL. Oh bloody hell Rodney you wally!<\/p>\n

(Del and Albert start to panic, Rodney manages to get some cold water from the kitchen and poor over the carpets which are now looking ruined)<\/p>\n

DEL.\u00a0 You are one big plonker! I now have about 35 iraninian rugs now! You are a soppy old dipstick! You could have set the whole place alight\u2019!<\/p>\n

ALBERT. Might have been an improvement Del<\/p>\n

DEL.\u00a0 Why don\u2019t you shut up, you bearded old goat.<\/p>\n

RODNEY.\u00a0 Look Del I\u2019m sorry, I mean it was an accident I was only trying to clear up the spilt oil, which you told me to do.<\/p>\n

DEL. Alrite Rodney, it doesn\u2019t matter, no harm has been done, just a few rugs set alight that\u2019s all.\u00a0 I\u2019ll just have to improvise when trying to sell those tele\u2019s, gunna have to chuck in some thing else now.\u00a0 I gota go back down the market, theres a bus load of tourists coming in from the Midliands soon, and I heard they\u2019re passing by Luton street, so I\u2019m gunna see if I can do abit of business alrite?<\/p>

\n