{"id":979,"date":"2016-12-14T20:24:37","date_gmt":"2016-12-14T20:24:37","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/ofah.webhostingireland.ie\/blog\/?p=979"},"modified":"2017-02-10T12:56:36","modified_gmt":"2017-02-10T12:56:36","slug":"979","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.ofah.net\/blog\/979\/","title":{"rendered":"Justice Awaits"},"content":{"rendered":"
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Only Fools And Horses<\/h2>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u2018Justice Awaits\u2026\u2019<\/strong><\/h2>\n

 <\/p>\n

By Tom Griffith\"Court<\/a><\/p>\n

\"\" Download Script (77K)<\/a><\/p>\n

This episode is meant to be before \u2018If They Could See Us Now!\u2019 and well after \u2018Time On Our Hands\u2019.\u00a0 The Trotters have lost their millions through the stock market and struggling to find their feet.\u00a0 In the meantime, Mike Fisher is up for a strong sentence due to de-forging the brewery.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Characters involved:<\/p>\n

Del, Rodney, Mike, Albert, Boycie, Denzil, Trigger, Marlene, Mickey Pearce, Sid, Raquel, Damien, Cassandra, Alan, Pam.<\/p>\n

Scene1\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0At the Nags Head, Peckham, where there is Del, Boycie and Trigger talking with Sid who is working behind the bar all discussing Mike\u2019s date for the court case coming up after being done for deforging the brewery.<\/p>\n

DEL.\u00a0 Alright Sid I\u2019ll have a Tia Maria and coke in there for moi, and what ever they want.<\/p>\n

DENZIL, TRIGGER, BOYCIE.\u00a0 Cheers Del<\/p>\n

DEL.\u00a0 That\u2019s all right Gents, now we have to get down to business.\u00a0 Mike\u2019s case is coming up and I don\u2019t know what rumours have been spreaded about Mike around here they aint true.<\/p>\n

BOYCIE.\u00a0 What were they then?<\/p>\n

DEL.\u00a0 Well about Mike and his court case coming up I just told you.<\/p>\n

BOYCIE.\u00a0 No I meant what were the drinks you ordered us?<\/p>\n

DEL. Very funny, very funny.\u00a0 Sid, water down Boycie\u2019s coniciac will ya?!<\/p>\n

BOYCIE. So\u2026.anyway, these rumours, I heard one of them was summin about his court thing being held near Wimbledon.<\/p>\n

TRIGGER.\u00a0 I didn\u2019t know he was interested in Tennis.<\/p>\n

(Reactions from Del, Boycie etc)<\/p>\n

BOYCIE.\u00a0 Trigger, do me a favour, go and do something useful, like marry an ostridge.<\/p>\n

(Boycie evilly laughs)<\/p>\n

DEL.\u00a0 No, no no Trigg, court case, you know, his appeal to get out of prison.\u00a0 Any way, if any of you catch anyone else spreading any porkies, let me know, I\u2019ll wack em round the ear hole, coz that man is innocent.\u00a0 Ever since me and Rodders have lost all our lovely jubly money we have been trying to get back on out toes and get back to the old wheeling and dealing.\u00a0 And Mike had the mis – fortune to get banged up.<\/p>\n

SID.\u00a0 Yeah, coz he only done up the Inland Revenue by \u00a312 000.<\/p>\n

BOYCIE.\u00a0 Yeah and that was the interest rate!<\/p>\n

TRIGGER.\u00a0 Where\u2019s Dave tonight then?<\/p>\n

DEL.\u00a0 Ah well he\u2019s gone out and taken Damien Ice Skating.<\/p>\n

BOYCIE.\u00a0 Rodney ice-skating, do me a favour.<\/p>\n

DEL. Nah straight up, he\u2019s doing me a favour, I said Rodders, I want you to take \u2018Damey\u2019 out and spend abit of quality time with your most favourite nephew and with your beautiful looking wife.<\/p>\n

TRIGGER.\u00a0 What are you doing for him in return then?<\/p>\n

BOYCIE.\u00a0 Probably taking Cassandra out<\/p>\n

(Del Reacts)<\/p>\n

DEL.\u00a0 Oi! That\u2019s enough; I am not that sort of bloke<\/p>\n

DEL.\u00a0 As it happens, I had taken her out, but only coz she says she had felt down lately<\/p>\n

SID.\u00a0 Oh yeah, I heard summing about that, Rodney aint got enough off summing, is that right<\/p>\n

TRIGGER.\u00a0 Yeah, well Boycie knows how he feels<\/p>\n

DEL. Ah\u2026<\/p>\n

BOYCIE.\u00a0 Uh, do you mind Trigger, I have a perfectly born sprog who bounces around more times than a basketball, ask Del\u2026<\/p>\n

DEL.\u00a0 Nah sorry Boycie, you\u2019ll have to ask your milkman<\/p>\n

(Boycie looks confused)<\/p>\n

SID.\u00a0 So when is Mike\u2019s case then?<\/p>\n

DEL. It\u2019s on the 30th<\/sup> of this month, so only a few days away.\u00a0 My self is a character witness<\/p>\n

( Del tries to look smug about the prospect of playing an important role in the situation)<\/p>\n

(Boycie and Sid laugh)<\/p>\n

BOYCIE.\u00a0 You! A character witness? Haha Turn it up Del Boy, you\u2019re the one that helped invest Mike\u2019s money<\/p>\n

SID.\u00a0 And spent it<\/p>\n

(Boycie and Sid laugh as Del looks slightly annoyed)<\/p>\n

DEL.\u00a0 I did not spend it, I just recommended that he had a look in to the American Stock market.\u00a0 Anyway, he\u2019ll be alright after I put in a good word for him.\u00a0 Look he\u2019s already gone down once, hopefully this appeal will bring in a bit of bunce for us coz wer\u2019e nackered for money these days.<\/p>\n

BOYCIE.\u00a0 So what\u2019s been going on with \u2018Trotters Independent Traders\u2019 then?<\/p>\n

DEL.\u00a0 Well to be honest with you Boycie, not good.\u00a0 We\u2019ve got 160 knocked off DVD\u2019s that are set on Region 1 area<\/p>\n

TRIGGER.\u00a0 What\u2019s that mean Del<\/p>\n

DEL.\u00a0 What it means Trigger is that it won\u2019t play on any DVD player in the UK will it.\u00a0 Which means it\u2019s about as useful as a wafer!<\/p>\n

TRIGGER.\u00a0 But they actually don\u2019t look like a wafer then?<\/p>\n

DEL.\u00a0 No course not Trigg why?<\/p>\n

TRIGGER.\u00a0 I\u2019ll have one then.<\/p>\n

(Reactions for Boycie Del and Sid)<\/p>\n

Scene 2<\/strong> \u2013 At an Ice Skating Rink, Rodney is skating slowly and Damien whizzes past and knocks Rodney over, and slowly he falls over, while Damien laughs at him and skates off.<\/p>\n

RODNEY.\u00a0 Little git!<\/p>\n

RODNEY.\u00a0 Damien, come on, don\u2019t be nasty to your Uncle Rodney.<\/p>\n

(Rodney mumbles to himself whilst trying to skate on)<\/p>\n

RODNEY. Viscous little bastard!<\/p>\n

DAMIEN.\u00a0 Hey Uncle Rodney, why are you so useless at this<\/p>\n

RODNEY.\u00a0 Coz you\u2019re a little sod that keeps knocking me over!\u00a0 Come on, we gota get you home, Del, I mean Dad will be wondering where you are.<\/p>\n

DAMIEN.\u00a0 What! Already, I want to go to the cinema, you batty boy.<\/p>\n

RODNEY.\u00a0 No Rat boy! Home, coz of you I\u2019ve most probably broken me Ribs and split me thigh muscles.\u00a0 If I stay with you much longer, I may turn out as flat as this rotten ice!<\/p>\n

Scene 3 \u2013 Nelson Mandela House, Raquel walks towards the dinner table and walks back out to the kitchen.<\/p>\n

RAQUEL.\u00a0 Derrick, your dinners ready<\/p>\n

(Del sees his meal ready on the tele which looks like a healthy dinner and del acts sarcastically)<\/p>\n

DEL. Coming sweet heart.\u00a0 Here, that looks absolutely de\u2026. disgusting.\u00a0 It looks like a drug addicts vomit.<\/p>\n

(Cassandra enters)<\/p>\n

CASSANDRA.\u00a0 Hi Del<\/p>\n

DEL. Ah Cassandra, how are you love, how\u2019s my little healthy ummm foetus or what ever it is<\/p>\n

CASSANDRA.\u00a0 Baby, yes it\u2019s fine.\u00a0 When\u2019s Rodney back.<\/p>\n

DEL.\u00a0 Well I don\u2019t know, he left about half past ten this morning, hasn\u2019t been back since<\/p>\n

(Raquel enters)<\/p>\n

RAQUEL.\u00a0 Del, you need to sort that kitchen out, it\u2019s full of boxes of Christmas decorations, why on earth do we need Christmas decorations in the middle of Spring<\/p>\n

DEL.\u00a0 That was not me, I swear, it was that dipstick Rodney, he\u2019s done this before when he brought suntan lotion in the winter.\u00a0 He thinks that we will make a right killing by selling some shoddy Christmas gear with Christmas decorations that don\u2019t light up! They\u2019re about as bright as Trigger being on University challenge.<\/p>\n

RAQUEL.\u00a0 You bought them though!<\/p>\n

DEL.\u00a0 I know but that\u2019s not the point, I mean that boy has got two GCE\u2019s and still doesn\u2019t know how to trade properly.\u00a0 Ok ok I brought the gear right, but that dozy twonk didn\u2019t even bother to check them.<\/p>\n

(Rodney and Damien enter, Rodney looks shattered)<\/p>\n

RODNEY.\u00a0 Bloody hell, what a day<\/p>\n

DEL.\u00a0 Alrite bruv, how was skating<\/p>\n

RODNEY.\u00a0 Oh God, nightmare, absolute bloody nightmare, never again, the little gi..rascal.\u00a0 Had me falling over more times than a pissed up student.<\/p>\n

DEL.\u00a0 Yeah well I always said you should have taken up skateboarding instead<\/p>\n

(Del laughs amongst his self)<\/p>\n

RODNEY.\u00a0 So, when\u2019s Mike\u2019s court case, sounds like it\u2019s gonna be a longen?<\/p>\n

DEL.\u00a0 Rubbish Rodney, no sorry that is Bonnet de crap.\u00a0 He\u2019ll get a few months and no longer.<\/p>\n

RAQUEL.\u00a0 Poor old Mike, he should never have re mortgaged the Pub, he should have known some thing like this would have happened if it involved you and your money making schemes<\/p>\n

DEL.\u00a0 I know that Raquel, but at the time we were doing aright for ourselves weren\u2019t we, I mean we were on top of the moon, we were millionaires.\u00a0 How was I supposed to know Rodney would nause it up?<\/p>\n

RODNEY.\u00a0 Me! What do you mean how was I supposed to know Rodney would nause it up, it weren\u2019t nothing to do with me Derrick, if you remember, at the time you were with Mike negotiating plans to make more money out of the Nags Head.<\/p>\n

DEL.\u00a0 Look Rodney, Mum said to me on her deathbed<\/p>\n

(Rod interrupts)<\/p>\n

RODNEY.\u00a0 Gawd<\/p>\n

DEL.\u00a0 She said, Del Boy, if you are ever in any trouble involving money, blame it on Rodney coz he\u2019ll most probably get a couple of GCE\u2019s.<\/p>\n

(Rod Reacts)<\/p>\n

Del Boy exits in to the kitchen<\/p>\n

RODNEY.\u00a0 Shut up will ya<\/p>\n

RODNEY.\u00a0 Alright Cass<\/p>\n

CASSANDRA.\u00a0 Hello Roddy, how was your day?<\/p>\n

RODNEY.\u00a0 Horrible, Del made me take Damien out whilst he went to visit Mike about this court case coming up.\u00a0 Jeez, he\u2019such a little sod.\u00a0 Look, I gota bruised rib and everything.<\/p>\n

CASSANDRA.\u00a0 Aww poor you, never mind.\u00a0 Would you like me to bathe the wounds for you?<\/p>\n

RODNEY.\u00a0 No it\u2019s alright, I\u2019m going to have a shower in a minute.<\/p>\n

RODNEY.\u00a0 Cass, I\u2019m fed up.<\/p>\n

CASSANDRA.\u00a0 Of what Rodney?<\/p>\n

RODNEY.\u00a0 Just everything.\u00a0 Trotters Independent Traders are on the verge of going bust, Del and me have got to be character witnesses for Mike\u2019s court case and to top it all I feel like a toss pot who couldn\u2019t say no to a sumo wrestler.<\/p>\n

(Del enters back in to the living room)<\/p>\n

DEL.\u00a0 Rodney, listen, I\u2019ve got a plan in which I think we can get our money back, now you may not like it, but it\u2019s abit of a do it your self Del Boy mission.<\/p>\n

(Rodney shows a face that shows anxiety)<\/p>\n

RODNEY.\u00a0 Go on then<\/p>\n

DEL. I want to write my own song<\/p>\n

(Rodney, Cassandra and Raquel burst out laughing)<\/p>\n

DEL.\u00a0 Is there something I missed?<\/p>\n

RODNEY. Del you crack us up sometimes<\/p>\n

RAQUEL.\u00a0 All the time Rodney<\/p>\n

DEL. And what is wrong with me writing my own song?<\/p>\n

RODNEY. Oh nothing Del, as long as you don\u2019t want it to sound like one of your \u2018Who\u2019 records.<\/p>\n

DEL. There is nothing wrong with \u2018The Who\u2019.\u00a0 No this is going to get us right back on top<\/p>\n

RODNEY. Do you want Albert to help you with it?<\/p>\n

DEL. Oh shut up you tart.\u00a0 That old div could just about play chopsticks!\u00a0 Nah he\u2019s as happy as larry, out there with old Elsie singing in the rain.\u00a0 I\u2019m perfectly edible to do it on me own.\u00a0 Monkey Harris has just bought his own music recording station fing.<\/p>\n

RODNEY.\u00a0 What is it, a karaoke machine?<\/p>\n

DEL.\u00a0 Very funny, no it\u2019s got everything it\u2019s got those flashing light fings, it\u2019s got loads of buttons and speakers and everything.\u00a0 Nah this time next year, we will be millionaires<\/p>\n

RODNEY.\u00a0 Yeah ok Del.<\/p>\n

(Phone Rings)<\/p>\n

DEL.\u00a0 Answer that will you darling<\/p>\n

RAQUEL.\u00a0 Answer it your self Trotter, I\u2019m doing the clearing up. (Raquel exits in to kitchen)<\/p>\n

DEL. Alight Alright, ello Trotters Independent Traders PLC, ah hello Unc, how are you\u2026\u2026.me yeah I\u2019m fine, Rodney? Yeah he\u2019s ok, looking abit bruised but fine, nothing he just went ice skating earlier, fell out with the ice that sort of thing, so what are you up to then?\u2026yeah?\u2026\u2026\u2026no, your joking<\/p>\n

(Del covers phone and whispers to Rodney and Cassandra)<\/p>\n

DEL. Ere, he\u2019s only got down on the old knee aint he<\/p>\n

RODNEY. No! Is he alight?<\/p>\n

DEL. No you dippy, he\u2019s asked Elsie to marry him!\u00a0 Ere Unc, when\u2019s the big day?\u00a0 What do you mean what am I on about?\u00a0 When are you, you know, doing up the old trousers (Winks at Rodney) Oh, your knee, still playing you up is it?<\/p>\n

(Rod reacts)<\/p>\n

RODNEY.\u00a0 I bloody knew it, Albert wouldn\u2019t marry again, he\u2019s still cursing the day he married Aunt Aida!<\/p>\n

DEL.\u00a0 Shh shh Rodney, ah right, well I tell you what, why don\u2019t you see the old quack about it? You know get abit of treatment on it? Yeah, alright Unc, take care, Bonjour, Bye!<\/p>\n

DEL.\u00a0 He had me going then, gawden Bennit.<\/p>\n

Rodney. So, you got rid of all that gear yet<\/p>\n

DEL. What gear?<\/p>\n

RODNEY. The Christmas decorations, you know, they come with tinsel, all colourful lights and all that, the bulbs that are about as bright as a one-watt light bulb.<\/p>\n

DEL. No I have not sold em, yet.\u00a0 You\u2019re the dozy twonk that reckoned we should buy them<\/p>\n

RODNEY. Yes, but I weren\u2019t to know they turn out like summing that\u2019s been set on a bonfire<\/p>\n

DEL. Well, it was a stupid idea.<\/p>\n

DEL. Come on Rodney, we gota get down the market to put a bit of nosh on the table, coz if we don\u2019t, we\u2019re gonna have to eat Sid\u2019s meat pie\u2019s!<\/p>\n

(End of Scene, Del and Rodney exit and make their way down to the market)<\/p>\n

Scene 4 \u2013 At the market, Del boy is trying to a suitcase full of breast enhancers whilst Rodney is standing on look out duty.<\/p>\n

DEL.\u00a0 Now what I have hear may possible be the very thing for you lovely ladies, I\u2019ve just had them ordered in from New York, only made last week and am selling them at half the price, so only for only \u00a315.00 ladies that\u2019s \u00a315.00, I\u2019m giving them away at the cheapest possible price.<\/p>\n

(Negative response from audience of ladies)<\/p>\n

DEL. Wat do you mean nahhh? This is pure quality, made from the finest factorys in America this is.<\/p>\n

(Del gives up purswading to sell the goods)<\/p>\n

RODNEY.\u00a0 No luck then Del Boy<\/p>\n

DEL. Sod all luck Rodney, I just do not know how we are gonna get back on our feet<\/p>\n

RODNEY.\u00a0 What happened to your musical career?<\/p>\n

DEL.\u00a0 Yes, well I\u2019m working on that aint I, I gota meet up with Paddy and one of his mates whose in the game.\u00a0 If I can just come up with some lyrics then Paddy and his team can help product a song<\/p>\n

RODNEY. You mean Produce<\/p>\n

DEL. No product Rodney, God all mighty, you don\u2019t know nothing about music do ya! To you it\u2019s all pop this and wack that<\/p>\n

RODNEY. So then, what if all this goes to plan then? And you have actually got to right summin?<\/p>\n

DEL. Well Rodney, you see, that\u2019s when abit of planning has got to come in hand, coz I know this plonker who can help me, as he has a gce in English I fort that it would come in handy, you know, what with having to use all the grammar and everyfing.<\/p>\n

RODNEY. What, me, no come on Del, this is got nothing to do with me.\u00a0 I aint writing some stupid song.\u00a0 Come on Del, admit it, it\u2019s a total, well, how can I put it, a crap idea?<\/p>\n

DEL. Wh\u2026(Del interrupts himself just as he is about to say, \u2018what!\u2019)<\/p>\n

DEL. Yeah your right.<\/p>\n

(Trigger apporcahes Del and Rodney)<\/p>\n

TRIGGER. Del, Dave<\/p>\n

DEL. Ah Trigg!<\/p>\n

TRIGGER. Hows it goin?<\/p>\n

DEL. Not too bad, what you up to then?<\/p>\n

TRIGGER. Just doing abit extra for the council, it\u2019s always good to earn abit more money isn\u2019t it Del Boy.\u00a0 Went to the bookies the other day, found \u00a350 lying on the floor, just lying there, doing nothing, so I did the honest thing, and handed it in.<\/p>\n

DEL. Yes, we could do with 10 or 20 thousand pounds.\u00a0 Yes Trigg, that was very honest of you.\u00a0 You going down the coach and Horses later?<\/p>\n

TRIGGER. Coach and Horses?<\/p>\n

DEL. Yeah, not bothering with the Nags Head,\u00a0 it\u2019s Sid, he\u2019s practically taking all me money aint he<\/p>

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