{"id":986,"date":"2010-01-04T20:32:06","date_gmt":"2010-01-04T20:32:06","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/ofah.webhostingireland.ie\/blog\/?p=986"},"modified":"2010-01-04T20:32:06","modified_gmt":"2010-01-04T20:32:06","slug":"1974-a-trotter-odyssey","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.ofah.net\/blog\/1974-a-trotter-odyssey\/","title":{"rendered":"1974 A Trotter Odyssey"},"content":{"rendered":"
\n\r\n<\/amp-auto-ads>\n<\/div>\n

ONLY FOALS AND HORSES<\/h2>\n

1974 A Trotter Odyssey<\/h2>\n

\"beefeater\"<\/p>\n

WRITTEN BY\u00a0TRISS ARNOLD<\/p>\n

BASED ON\u00a0ONLY FOOLS AND HORSES\u00a0BY JOHN SULLIVAN<\/p>\n

\"\" Download Script (207K)<\/a><\/p>\n

INT: \u00a0 TROTTERS LOUNGE. EVENING (18:00) . STUDIO<\/p>\n

The flat seems pretty much the same as in the first episode Big Brother. Boxes litter the lounge, the two chairs and sofa are in their usual place, Grandad’s two TV’s are\u00a0 also there.<\/p>\n

Grandad is sitting in his usual chair in his pyjamas watching mastermind on one of the TVs.<\/p>\n

Magnus Magnusson’s voice off screen asking a question “where did King John sign the Magna Carter?”<\/p>\n

Gd<\/p>\n

Brazil<\/p>\n

We hear the contestants voice in the background saying Runneymede. Del walks in<\/p>\n

from the kitchen, he’s dress smartly but a little to flamboyant wide collar etc.. he looks about 27. He looks at Grandad and shakes his head with a slight smile.<\/p>\n

Del<\/p>\n

I don’t know why you bother trying to<\/p>\n

answer those questions Grandad, everyone<\/p>\n

knows that the Magna Carta wasn’t signed<\/p>\n

in Brazil.<\/p>\n

Gd<\/p>\n

Well where was it signed then?<\/p>\n

Del<\/p>\n

At the bottom.(LAUGHS)<\/p>\n

Gd<\/p>\n

Who’s bottom?<\/p>\n

Del<\/p>\n

What do you mean who’s bottom?<\/p>\n

Gd<\/p>\n

Well\u00a0 didn’t they have a desk to lean<\/p>\n

on or sumfink.<\/p>\n

Del<\/p>\n

You dozy old git, it was meant to be a joke\u2026.<\/p>\n

Del sighs and looks towards the bedroom.<\/p>\n

Del<\/p>\n

(SHOUTING) Come on Rodney,<\/p>\n

your gonna be late for your youth club,<\/p>\n

and I’ve gotta meet Monkey Harris<\/p>\n

down the Nags Head about some<\/p>\n

business, so shift your backside<\/p>\n

you plonker!<\/p>\n

Rod<\/p>\n

(O.O.V FROM BEDROOM SHOUTING)<\/p>\n

I’m not coming.<\/p>\n

Del<\/p>\n

(SHOUTING) What do you mean<\/p>\n

your not coming?<\/p>\n

Rod<\/p>\n

(O.O.V SHOUTING) Im not coming.<\/p>\n

Del<\/p>\n

(SHOUTING) You’ll miss the start<\/p>\n

of the disco and end up dancing<\/p>\n

with a right bow-wow.<\/p>\n

Rod<\/p>\n

(O.O.V SHOUTING) I don’t care<\/p>\n

I’m not going out like this.<\/p>\n

Del<\/p>\n

(SHOUTING) Don’t be daft Rodney,<\/p>\n

stop shouting and come out here<\/p>\n

before Mrs Cooper downstairs starts<\/p>\n

banging on the ceiling with her broom again.<\/p>\n

A door slams out of view, then the door to the bedrooms is pulled violently open Rodney stomps out into the lounge, he is 11 but very tall and rangy\u00a0 he is wearing a flower-power shirt lurid pink with little red poppies covering it with a large collar. His face is covered in red angry spots. He looks at Del moodily.<\/p>\n

Rod<\/p>\n

(WHINING VOICE) I can’t go to the<\/p>\n

disco looking like this! Look at me!<\/p>\n

I look like a right wally.<\/p>\n

Del<\/p>\n

What do you mean, you look ok to me,<\/p>\n

you look like a young David Niven<\/p>\n

(looks to Grandad) he looks like a<\/p>\n

young David Niven don’t he grandad?<\/p>\n

In the background again we hear Magnus’s Voice who won The Oscar for best actor<\/p>\n

in the motion picture Lilies of the Field In 1963?<\/p>\n

Gd<\/p>\n

(LOOKING AT TV) Sidney Potter.<\/p>\n

Again In the background again we hear contestants voice saying Sidney Poitier.<\/p>\n

Del<\/p>\n

There you go Rodney you look great,<\/p>\n

especially in that beautiful new shirt<\/p>\n

I got you, pure nylon that is none of<\/p>\n

your silk rubbish.<\/p>\n

Rod<\/p>\n

It’s ‘orrible Del, I look like a right<\/p>\n

dipstick with this on, every time I walk<\/p>\n

on carpet my hair stands up, and if you<\/p>\n

hadn’t noticed my face looks like a dot<\/p>\n

to dot book, Mickey Pearce will kill<\/p>\n

himself laughing at me.<\/p>\n

Del<\/p>\n

Theirs nothing wrong with your<\/p>\n

boat race\u2026, that a paper bag wouldn’t<\/p>\n

cure\u2026.(DEL AND GRANDAD<\/p>\n

SMIRKS UNTIL A LOOK FROM<\/p>\n

RODNEY STOPS THEM) Anyway<\/p>\n

that Mickey Pearce is a bit to fly<\/p>\n

by half in my books, if he gives<\/p>\n

you any lip tell him I’ll come down<\/p>\n

to that youth club and give him a<\/p>\n

clump round the earhole. Well alright<\/p>\n

then, if you really don’t want to go<\/p>\n

I’ll be off..Oh.. Grandad give Rodney<\/p>\n

some of that pudding before he goes<\/p>\n

to bed, alright?<\/p>\n

Gd<\/p>\n

(STILL WATCHING TV)<\/p>\n

Rumplestiltskin.<\/p>\n

Del<\/p>\n

What?\u2026what are you going on about<\/p>\n

you dozy old git?<\/p>\n

Gd<\/p>\n

(TURNING TO DEL) Sorry Del-boy,<\/p>\n

what did you say?<\/p>\n

Del<\/p>\n

I said you deaf old sod, give Rodney<\/p>\n

some of that pudding in the fridge<\/p>\n

before he goes to bed, alright?<\/p>\n

And make sure he’s done his<\/p>\n

homework.<\/p>\n

Gd<\/p>\n

Yeah alright Del-boy, (to Rodney)<\/p>\n

what ‘s your homework tonight Rodney?<\/p>\n

Rod<\/p>\n

Natural History.<\/p>\n

Del<\/p>\n

What you mean instead of un-natural<\/p>\n

history?<\/p>\n

Rod<\/p>\n

(SIGHS) Its about Animals Del.<\/p>\n

Del<\/p>\n

Oh yeah what like Lions and Tigers<\/p>\n

and Rhinos and fings? What kind of<\/p>\n

animals are you studying then?<\/p>\n

Rod<\/p>\n

(UNDER HIS BREATH) Leopards.<\/p>\n

Del<\/p>\n

(GIGGLES WHILE SPEAKING)<\/p>\n

Sorry Rodney I didn’t quite catch that.<\/p>\n

Rod<\/p>\n

(LOUDER) Leopards!<\/p>\n

Del<\/p>\n

What you mean the ones with stripes?<\/p>\n

Rod<\/p>\n

(FRUSTRATED) No the ones with bloody<\/p>\n

spots Del.<\/p>\n

Del<\/p>\n

(FAKE SHOCK) Behave yourself Rodney,<\/p>\n

what would Mum say if she could hear<\/p>\n

you talking like that?<\/p>\n

Gd<\/p>\n

She’d be upset Rodney, you haven’t been<\/p>\n

brought up to talk like that.<\/p>\n

Rod<\/p>\n

What do you mean I haven’t been brought<\/p>\n

up to speak like that? All I ever hear is<\/p>\n

language like that\u2026<\/p>\n

Del<\/p>\n

Mickey Pearce\u00a0 isn’t the only one going to<\/p>\n

be getting a dough boy around the lughole if<\/p>\n

you carry on like that Rodney!<\/p>\n

Rod<\/p>\n

Yeah, OK sorry Del, .<\/p>\n

Del<\/p>\n

That’s better.<\/p>\n

Gd<\/p>\n

You’re a good boy Rodney your Mum<\/p>\n

would be proud of you.<\/p>\n

Rod<\/p>\n

(TO GRANDAD BRIGHTLY)<\/p>\n

So what’ve I got for Pudding then.<\/p>\n

Gd<\/p>\n

Spotted Dick!<\/p>\n

Del and Grandad starts laughing again Rodney pulls a right face.<\/p>\n

Del leaves the flat.<\/p>\n

CUT TO:<\/p>\n

EXT: OUTSIDE THE NAG’S HEAD EVENING \/DUSK(18:30). FILM<\/p>\n

We see the Trotters Van coming into the Pub car park it looks almost new, it pulls up<\/p>\n

and stops outside and Del gets out. As he walks into the pub we\u00a0 see a road sweepers<\/p>\n

cart up against the wall.<\/p>\n

CUT TO:<\/p>\n

INT: \u00a0 THE NAG’S HEAD EVENING \/DUSK (18:32) STUDIO<\/p>\n

The Nag’s Head\u00a0 is the same as in 1st episode maybe a large Watney’s Red Barrel sign<\/p>\n

somewhere, a few people are milling around In the early evening. David Essex is<\/p>\n

playing in the background. Del walks in and sees Trigger at the bar. He is leaning<\/p>\n

against the Bar with a half of bitter in a dimple mug he’s wearing a Donkey Jacket<\/p>\n

and Wellies.<\/p>\n

Del<\/p>\n

Alright Trig, how’s your luck pal.<\/p>\n

Trig<\/p>\n

Hows it going Del-boy? Not too bad<\/p>\n

got myself a new job today.<\/p>\n

Del<\/p>\n

(To barmaid) Hello sweetheart,<\/p>\n

I’ll have a pint of Watney’s in a<\/p>\n

straight glass, a half of whatever<\/p>\n

Trigs poisoning himself with<\/p>\n

today and one for yourself.<\/p>\n

Del gets his drink takes a sip pulls a<\/p>\n

face and turns to the barmaid.<\/p>\n

Del<\/p>\n

Er Kate come here.<\/p>\n

She ignores him.<\/p>\n

Del<\/p>\n

(LOUDER) Oi Kate, come here.<\/p>\n

Kate the barmaid walks over a pretty girl about 27 years Old, longish dark brown hair<\/p>\n

and a nice smile.<\/p>\n

Kate<\/p>\n

(SMILE) Yeah what is it Del-boy.<\/p>\n

Del<\/p>\n

Has the brewery fixed the plumbing in<\/p>\n

the toilet yet?<\/p>\n

Kate<\/p>\n

Whaddya mean? We haven’t had any<\/p>\n

problems with the plumbing.<\/p>\n

Del<\/p>\n

(HOLDING UP PINT) Oh? So why<\/p>\n

does this taste like the pump’s<\/p>\n

connected to the gents then?<\/p>\n

Kate pulls a sarcastic face and walks off to serve someone else.<\/p>\n

Del<\/p>\n

So Trig what’s this about a new job<\/p>\n

then?<\/p>\n

Del looks at Trigs clothes.<\/p>\n

Trig<\/p>\n

(STARTS PREENING)<\/p>\n

Yep start on Monday.<\/p>\n

Del<\/p>\n

Really? So what is it then, MP?<\/p>\n

Lord Mayor? Brain Surgeon?<\/p>\n

Trig<\/p>\n

(OBLIVIOUS TO MICKEY TAKING)<\/p>\n

No nothing like that Del-boy<\/p>\n

(PROUDLY) I’m going to be a<\/p>\n

He pulls out a piece of paper and starts to read struggling with the words<\/p>\n

Trig<\/p>\n

(CONT) external…refuse\u2026 reclamation..<\/p>\n

operative with manual\u2026apparatus\u2026and<\/p>\n

vehicular\u2026assistance! They said I would<\/p>\n

be the public face of the department.<\/p>\n

Del<\/p>\n

That’s great Trig,\u00a0 but what does a<\/p>\n

external refuse reclamation thingy<\/p>\n

with manual apparatus and vehicular<\/p>\n

assistance do exactly?<\/p>\n

Trig<\/p>\n

Well to be honest Del-boy, I don’t really<\/p>\n

know\u00a0 I’m a bit confused, the man at the<\/p>\n

council depot gave me a this Donkey<\/p>\n

Jacket and Wellies, seems a bit strange<\/p>\n

for someone with such a important job!<\/p>\n

Trig turns around to show his jacket<\/p>\n

to Del on the back in large letters are<\/p>\n

the words PECKHAM BOROUGH<\/p>\n

COUNCIL STREET CLEANING DEPT.<\/p>\n

Del<\/p>\n

(STARES IN AMAZEMENT) Bloody hell<\/p>\n

Trig, you’re a road sweeper!<\/p>\n

Trig<\/p>\n

(DEADPAN) Oh\u2026I wondered why<\/p>\n

he gave me this broom then,<\/p>\n

(takes a broom from behind him and<\/p>\n

shows it to Del) and that dustcart in the<\/p>\n

car park<\/p>\n

Del<\/p>\n

Gordon Bennett Trig where were<\/p>\n

you when they were handing the brains<\/p>\n

out eh, behind the door? I mean didn’t your<\/p>\n

Grandad Arthur used to take you out on his round<\/p>\n

when you were a sprog?<\/p>\n

Trig<\/p>\n

Yeah, but I was only three weeks old and he used to<\/p>\n

keep me in the cart so I couldn’t see much.<\/p>\n

At this moment Monkey Harris walks in. A typical villain wearing a camel hair coat<\/p>\n

lots of jewellery sunglasses etc\u2026<\/p>\n

Monk<\/p>\n

(LOUD AND BRASH) Del-boy,<\/p>\n

Trigger how’re you doing boys,<\/p>\n

(TO KATE) I’ll have a Vodka Martini<\/p>\n

with Tomato Juice please darling,<\/p>\n

Oh and a umbrella, (Del is obviously<\/p>\n

impressed by this) So Del-boy have<\/p>\n

I got a deal for you my son, make<\/p>\n

you and me a few sheckles it will.<\/p>\n

Del<\/p>\n

(SLIGHT ANNOYANCE)<\/p>\n

Oh yeah Monk? Like those Space<\/p>\n

Hoppers you sold me last month?<\/p>\n

(TURNS TO TRIG) Get this Trig,<\/p>\n

you know those kids toys the ones<\/p>\n

what look like a great big orange<\/p>\n

ball with handles that kiddies<\/p>\n

sit on and bounce around on?<\/p>\n

Trig<\/p>\n

Yeah I bought one remember.<\/p>\n

Del<\/p>\n

(CONT..) Well Monk here sells me<\/p>\n

a gross of the things right.<\/p>\n

Didn’t tell me though that they<\/p>\n

were faulty did he? (MONK GRINS)<\/p>\n

Had all these parents bringing<\/p>\n

them back complaining about them.<\/p>\n

Turns out the valve where you blow<\/p>\n

them out was leaky every time<\/p>\n

the little buggers bounced on them<\/p>\n

they sounded like terminal baked bean<\/p>\n

addict!<\/p>\n

Trig<\/p>\n

Oh right, I’d better cancel that doctors<\/p>\n

appointment then.<\/p>\n

Del<\/p>\n

Whys that then Trig?<\/p>\n

Trig<\/p>\n

Well I thought I’d burst something<\/p>\n

when I was bouncing on that hopper thing.<\/p>\n

Monk<\/p>\n

Del-boy, Del-boy How was I to know<\/p>\n

about that? I bought them in good faith<\/p>\n

from the Driscoll Brothers and I wasn’t<\/p>\n

about to go back to them and ask for<\/p>\n

my money back now was I? Anyway<\/p>\n

come over here I’ve got this deal\u2026<\/p>\n

Del follows Monk over to one of the small round tables and sits Down opposite Monk.<\/p>\n

Monk<\/p>\n

(LEANING TOWARDS DEL)<\/p>\n

You know they are putting in North sea gas<\/p>\n

supplies in the area at the moment?<\/p>\n

Del<\/p>\n

Yeah, its been in the Peckham Echo<\/p>\n

recently so what?<\/p>\n

Monk<\/p>\n

Well I’ve got a mate who works for the<\/p>\n

gas board see? And he’s managed to<\/p>\n

supply me with 80 do-it-yourself<\/p>\n

gas conversion kits.<\/p>\n

Now these aren’t going on sale<\/p>\n

until early next year, but you could<\/p>\n

flog them off down the market earn yourself<\/p>\n

a fortune.<\/p>\n

Del<\/p>\n

Ere are these Hooky?<\/p>\n

Monk<\/p>\n

Nah, Del he’s not nicked them yet.<\/p>\n

Anyway they retail at Fifteen quid each<\/p>\n

but you can have them for a tenner each!<\/p>\n

Del<\/p>\n

A tenner? You must be joking!. three quid each.<\/p>\n

Monk<\/p>\n

Seven.<\/p>\n

Del<\/p>\n

Four.<\/p>\n

Monk<\/p>\n

Six.<\/p>\n

Del<\/p>\n

Fiver each, sale or return.<\/p>\n

Monk<\/p>\n

Go on then, Fiver each sale or return.<\/p>\n

I’ll give you a bell next week when he’s<\/p>\n

got them .<\/p>\n

Del<\/p>\n

Lovely Jubbly\u00a0 we’ll store them my warehouse.<\/p>\n

Monk<\/p>\n

You mean your garage?<\/p>\n

Del<\/p>\n

Yeah that’s what I said my warehouse!<\/p>\n

CUT TO:<\/p>\n

EXT: TOWER OF LONDON. DAY (11:30) FILM<\/p>\n

1970’s typical fashion of the day flares etc\u2026We can Del dressed smartly, but a little too loudly. He has an old-fashioned box brownie camera slung around his neck on a strap. A large cardboard sign at his feet says TROTTERS OFFICIAL LONDON TOWER PHOTOS – HAVE YOUR PHOTO TAKEN WITH THE FAMOUS CROWS – ONLY A POUND A GO<\/p>\n

Del<\/p>\n

Come on now ladies and gentlemen,<\/p>\n

how about a picture of yourself at<\/p>\n

the famous tower of London. Only a<\/p>\n

pound a go! he looks around picking<\/p>\n

a man out of the passing crowd,<\/p>\n

Come on sir how about a picture<\/p>\n

with the famous Crows of old London<\/p>\n

Tower only a pound!<\/p>\n

As Del is making his spiel a man in Black Overcoat And Trilby Hat walking towards<\/p>\n

Del with his hand pointing towards him.(same positioning as Lee Harvey Oswald &<\/p>\n

Jack Ruby)<\/p>\n

Man<\/p>\n

(AGGRESSIVE) Where’s my picture?<\/p>\n

You took it a month ago and I haven’t<\/p>\n

seen it yet!<\/p>\n

Del<\/p>\n

Yeah, alright mate hold onto your hat.<\/p>\n

Look I sent you the photo in the post,<\/p>\n

I must have got lost. Look I’ll send you<\/p>\n

another one, you can’t say fairer than that.<\/p>\n

Man<\/p>\n

Ok then, just make sure you do or I’ll be back.<\/p>\n

Del<\/p>\n

(SMILES) No problem, Lovely Jubbly .<\/p>\n

A pretty girl walks past looking at Del and the man. Del spots her his eyes stand out<\/p>\n

and makes a beeline straight to her.<\/p>\n

Del<\/p>\n

Hello Darling how’d you like<\/p>\n

your photo taken with the world famous<\/p>\n

Crows of London Tower? Only a<\/p>\n

pound. or duo pesta as they say in the<\/p>\n

dudoine. He smiles at the girl who<\/p>\n

smiles shyly back suppressing a giggle.<\/p>\n

Girl<\/p>\n

(TEXAN ACCENT) Well I don’t really know\u2026<\/p>\n

Del interrupts<\/p>\n

Del<\/p>\n

(SMILING) Come on sweetheart it’s only<\/p>\n

a pound, you know it makes sense!<\/p>\n

Girl<\/p>\n

Well ok, it would be nice to have a photograph<\/p>\n

to take home..<\/p>\n

Del<\/p>\n

Lovely jubbly,.<\/p>\n

Girl<\/p>\n

(PUZZLED) What?<\/p>\n

Del<\/p>\n

Hmmm? Well come on… oh! I’m sorry<\/p>\n

my name is Del that’s short for Derek,<\/p>\n

so what’s your name then?<\/p>\n

Girl<\/p>\n

Oh.. well if you insist its Billy-Joe Ewing<\/p>\n

Del<\/p>\n

Billy-Joe? Do you know that’s my most<\/p>\n

favourite name in the whole world.<\/p>\n

Bj<\/p>\n

Really? That’s nice. I would like my<\/p>\n

photograph taken with a Beefeater.<\/p>\n

Del<\/p>\n

What you mean down the Wimpy Burger Bar?<\/p>\n

Bj<\/p>\n

Sorry? I mean one of those men over there<\/p>\n

Bj points to a Beefeater in the distance, Del looks worried he knows he is not meant to<\/p>\n

be there taking photos.<\/p>\n

Del<\/p>\n

Erm.. Ok come with me<\/p>\n

Del leads Bj near to the Beefeater who is looking the other way.<\/p>\n

Del<\/p>\n

Ok then sweetheart go and stand<\/p>\n

over by him and I’ll take your photo.<\/p>\n

Bj walks over to the Beefeater and stands next to him. The Beefeater however is<\/p>\n

facing the other way talking to a couple of Tourists, Bj looks at the Beefeater then<\/p>\n

back to Del, her face is downcast maybe sensing that she wont get the photo she<\/p>\n

wants. Del looks at her face and comes to a decision.<\/p>\n

Del<\/p>\n

(BREATHES DEEPLY AND SHOUTS )<\/p>\n

Oy sunshine one of yer crows legs ave<\/p>\n

fallen off!!<\/p>\n

The Beefeater swings round towards the sound spotting Del taking the photo.<\/p>\n

BE<\/p>\n

(SHOUTING AT DEL) Oy I told you last<\/p>\n

time to clear off!<\/p>\n

Del grabs his sign and runs off towards the exit.<\/p>\n

CUT TO:<\/p>\n

EXT:\u00a0 OUTSIDE GATE OF TOWER OF LONDON. DAY. (11:45) FILM<\/p>\n

Del is leaning against the wall outside the Tower panting hard he lifts the camera and<\/p>\n

looks at it.<\/p>\n

Del<\/p>\n

That would have been a lovely photo,<\/p>\n

shame theirs no film in the camera!<\/p>\n

Bj walks through the gate upto Del and looks at his sign.<\/p>\n

Bj<\/p>\n

I take it you are not a official photographer<\/p>\n

of the London Tower Crows then?<\/p>\n

Del<\/p>\n

You could say that darling, So where are<\/p>\n

you from then what with the funny accent<\/p>\n

and all that?<\/p>\n

Bj<\/p>\n

Texas.<\/p>\n

Del<\/p>\n

What, the do-it-yourself place?<\/p>\n

Bj<\/p>\n

(PUZZLED) America.<\/p>\n

Del<\/p>\n

America? Oh right, I’ve always wanted<\/p>\n

to go to America. I love them gangster films.<\/p>\n

So what are you doing in merry old<\/p>\n

London then?<\/p>\n

Bj<\/p>\n

I’m here with Daddy, he’s on business,<\/p>\n

and I thought I would go and see the sights.<\/p>\n

But this is the only place I have been able<\/p>\n

to find.<\/p>\n

Del<\/p>\n

Mon Deiu! Why don’t I show you around<\/p>\n

I know London like the back of my hand,<\/p>\n

all the great places the Royal Albert Hall,<\/p>\n

Buckingham Palace, White City<\/p>\n

dog track.<\/p>\n

Bj<\/p>\n

Well I would like to see all those places.<\/p>\n

Del<\/p>\n

Cushty, come on then lets go.<\/p>\n

Cut scene Film. Various places of interest around London, Del and Bj enjoying the<\/p>\n

sights at Buck House, Westminster, White City. Del losing at the dog track tearing up<\/p>\n

bet slip<\/p>\n

CUT TO:<\/p>\n

EXT\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 PARK LAKE. DAY\u00a0 (17:30) FILM<\/p>\n

Del and Bj are on a lake in pedello shaped like a swan\u00a0 Del is eating a iced lolly shaped like a rocket ship. Bj is looking across the lake, Del is staring at Bj.<\/p>\n

We see Del’s hand move towards his trouser pocket he takes out a ring box, opens it and we see a diamond ring inside, he then closes ot and hides it behind his back.<\/p>\n

Del<\/p>\n

(LICKS LOLLY) Billy-Joe\u2026I was<\/p>\n

thinking\u2026we’ve known each other<\/p>\n

for five days now and I know its soon<\/p>\n

but I think I’ve\u2026well I mean\u2026<\/p>\n

I think I’ve fal\u2026<\/p>\n

Bj<\/p>\n

(LOOKING ACROSS LAKE) Hmmm?<\/p>\n

Del<\/p>\n

(PANIC ) Oh nothing nothing\u2026<\/p>\n

He quickly puts the ring box back in his pocket.<\/p>\n

Del<\/p>\n

So what do you feel like doing now?<\/p>\n

I thought we could take a drive down<\/p>\n

the coast to Margate of something like that?<\/p>\n

Bj<\/p>\n

(SAD TONE IN VOICE) Yes.. that<\/p>\n

would be nice\u2026Del..(bites lip)<\/p>\n

She starts to say something but stops as if the words are to hard to say.<\/p>\n

Del<\/p>\n

(CONT\u2026) Then I thought we could come<\/p>\n

back and go to this place I’ve joined<\/p>\n

called the One Eleven Club, it’s a new<\/p>\n

gambling joint, its really nice they do<\/p>\n

Chicken in a Basket!<\/p>\n

Bj appears not to have noticed, she has a faraway look on her face. Del finally<\/p>\n

noticing her, stops pedalling and stares for a few seconds with a slightly worried look<\/p>\n

on his face.<\/p>\n

Del<\/p>\n

(DEJECTED) Of course if you’d rather not\u2026.<\/p>\n

Bj<\/p>\n

(LOOKING AT DEL) Del\u2026.<\/p>\n

Del<\/p>\n

Yes sweetheart?<\/p>\n

Bj<\/p>\n

Oh..Nothing, I’m sorry I didn’t catch what<\/p>\n

you said. My mind was on other things\u2026.<\/p>\n

Actually I feel a bit tired. Would you mind<\/p>\n

if you took me back to my hotel?<\/p>\n

Del<\/p>\n

(PUT OUT THEN SMILES)<\/p>\n

Course not sweetheart.<\/p>\n

Del starts pedalling Bj joins in.<\/p>\n

Del<\/p>\n

Come on lets get you back to the van.<\/p>\n

They make it to the jetty and get out, they walk slowly back to the van. into the sunset<\/p>\n

along the path, as their silhouettes go into the distance Bj’s hand move across and take<\/p>\n

Del’s hand. Cutting to their faces Bj looks across to Del and smiles, Del smiles back.<\/p>\n

Bj<\/p>\n

You know Del, I don’t think I have ever<\/p>\n

met anyone quite like you before.<\/p>\n

Del<\/p>\n

(FLATTERED) Really well I\u2026<\/p>\n

Bj<\/p>\n

(INTERRUPTS) When I first saw you<\/p>\n

standing at the Tower of London with that<\/p>\n

sign and your camera. It was\u00a0 like\u2026.well it<\/p>\n

reminded me of the day John F Kennedy<\/p>\n

was shot!<\/p>\n

Del<\/p>\n

(SHOCKED) What you mean you felt<\/p>\n

really sad??<\/p>\n

Bj<\/p>\n

No silly, I..well I don’t really know<\/p>\n

their was something about the way you<\/p>\n

stood their with talking with that man<\/p>\n

pointing at you.<\/p>\n

Del<\/p>\n

Oh, anyway if your feeling a bit tired<\/p>\n

how about you coming round to my<\/p>\n

flat tomorrow afternoon? I could get us<\/p>\n

some grub in and we can sit and have a<\/p>\n

lazy afternoon on the sofa listening to some<\/p>\n

records?<\/p>\n

Bj<\/p>\n

Oh I can’t tomorrow Derek, Daddy left<\/p>\n

a message for me at the hotel he wants to<\/p>\n

see me at 2 o’clock tomorrow.<\/p>\n

Del looks crestfallen, Bj notices.<\/p>\n

Bj<\/p>\n

I can make Sunday though<\/p>\n

Del’s face lights up<\/p>\n

Del<\/p>\n

Triffic! (HOLDS LOLLY UP TO BJ)<\/p>\n

Would you like a lick on my Space Rocket?<\/p>\n

CUT TO:<\/p>\n

INT: \u00a0 TROTTERS LOUNGE. EVENING (20:30) . STUDIO<\/p>\n

Grandad is sitting at the telly, the volume is quite high Rodney is up the table doing his homework in his pyjamas, Del is talking on the phone. with his free hand against his free ear<\/p>\n

Del<\/p>\n

(INTO PHONE) You what Monk\u2026?<\/p>\n

sorry mate I can’t hear you!\u2026hang on<\/p>\n

a minute..(TO GRANDAD) Grandad<\/p>\n

turn the telly down.<\/p>\n

Gd<\/p>\n

(GETTING UP TO TURN TV DOWN)<\/p>\n

Sorry Del Boy.<\/p>\n

Del<\/p>\n

(INTO PHONE) That’s better,<\/p>\n

sorry Monk what did you say?<\/p>\n

(LISTENS TO PHONE)<\/p>\n

No that’s fine mate I’ll get Rodney<\/p>\n

to meet you at our warehouse in the<\/p>\n

morning..Yes the Garage!…Hmm?…<\/p>\n

Well I was meant to be going to the<\/p>\n

One Eleven Club tonight\u2026.<\/p>\n

Oh ok\u00a0 I’ll meet you in their<\/p>\n

about ten then. Ok Monk see you<\/p>\n

later pal, bye\u2026<\/p>\n

Del puts the phone down turns round and rubs his hands together<\/p>\n

Del<\/p>\n

Lovely Jubbly\u2026Rodney I’ve got a<\/p>\n

little job for you in the morning<\/p>\n

my son.<\/p>\n

Rod<\/p>\n

I’m not doing it.<\/p>\n

Del<\/p>\n

What do you mean your not doing it?<\/p>\n

Rod<\/p>\n

What ever it is I’m not doing it. I’ve got<\/p>\n

school in the morning.<\/p>\n

Del<\/p>\n

Don’t worry it’ll only be a few minutes,<\/p>\n

I need you to meet Monkey Harris<\/p>\n

at the\u2026Garage at 7 tomorrow morning.<\/p>\n

Rod<\/p>\n

Is it hooky?<\/p>\n

Del<\/p>\n

Course it’s not. I’ve got some<\/p>\n

Gas Conversion kits off Monkey,<\/p>\n

and he’s going to drop them off<\/p>\n

in the morning. Just remember<\/p>\n

Rodney it’s Friday tomorrow<\/p>\n

which is?<\/p>\n

Rod<\/p>\n

Pocket money day.<\/p>\n

Del<\/p>\n

That’s right Rodney and if you want<\/p>\n

any bunce in your bin you get your<\/p>\n

backside down the garage at 7<\/p>\n

tomorrow morning, gottit?<\/p>\n

Rod<\/p>\n

Ok Del.<\/p>\n

Del<\/p>\n

Good boy Rodney, you know<\/p>\n

it makes sense.<\/p>\n

Del goes over and ruffles Rodney’s hair. He freezes his hand lifts it and pulls a face,<\/p>\n

then walks over to Grandad sitting in his chair engrossed by the telly gently lifts the<\/p>\n

end of his scarf and cleans his hand on it. He smiles mischievously then walks back<\/p>\n

over to\u00a0 Rodney and looks over his shoulder at his homework.<\/p>\n

Del<\/p>\n

Still doing your spotty cat homework then?<\/p>\n

Rod<\/p>\n

Leave it out Del.<\/p>\n

Del<\/p>\n

What? I’m only taking a interest in<\/p>\n

my kid brothers schoolwork.<\/p>\n

You’re a touchy little git ain’t yer.<\/p>\n

Mind you can’t really call you little<\/p>\n

any more can we? I mean Rodney how<\/p>\n

old are you now eleven? Your<\/p>\n

taller than me and Grandad! And<\/p>\n

don’t get me started on shoes<\/p>\n

You go through more shoes than a horse.<\/p>\n

Rod<\/p>\n

I can’t help that can I, I mean it’s<\/p>\n

not my fault I keep growing is it?<\/p>\n

Del<\/p>\n

So come on then, what are you<\/p>\n

writing about then?<\/p>\n

Rod<\/p>\n

(SIGHS) I’ve got to write about a<\/p>\n

film we’ve seen lately.<\/p>\n

Del<\/p>\n

Oh yeah? What film are you writing<\/p>\n

about then? (TO GRANDAD) Grandad?<\/p>\n

What was that film you took Rodney<\/p>\n

to see last week down the Odeon?<\/p>\n

Gd<\/p>\n

That one about all them dogs wannit<\/p>\n

Rodney? I can’t remember the name<\/p>\n

though. What was it called Rodney?<\/p>\n

Rodney looks down at his home work and covers it with his arm<\/p>\n

Rod<\/p>\n

I can’t remember either Grandad.<\/p>\n

Del<\/p>\n

What do you mean you can’t remember?<\/p>\n

You’ve been writing about it for the<\/p>\n

last half hour! Come on Rodders<\/p>\n

what’s the Film called?<\/p>\n

Rod<\/p>\n

(QUIETLY) 101 Dalmatians Del.<\/p>\n

Del<\/p>\n

(HIDES SNIGGER) Oh right .<\/p>\n

Anyway Its about time you went<\/p>\n

to bed inn’it? It is a school night,<\/p>\n

and you have to be up early in<\/p>\n

the morning.<\/p>\n

Rodney looks up at Del brightly not believing he got away without any comments<\/p>\n

about spots<\/p>\n

Rod<\/p>\n

(BRIGHT) Yeah alright Del, G’night Del<\/p>\n

G’night Grandad.<\/p>\n

Rodney tidies up his homework and gets up from behind the table as he walks round<\/p>\n

we see his pyjama bottoms and sleeves are 3-4 inches too short. Del looks at Rodney.<\/p>\n

Del<\/p>\n

Dear me Rodney, it’s no good were<\/p>\n

going to have to stop putting<\/p>\n

compost in your shoes.<\/p>\n

Rod<\/p>\n

(SARCASTIC) Thanks Del thanks a lot.<\/p>\n

Del<\/p>\n

That’s alright my son, oh and Rodney?<\/p>\n

Rodney turns around to look at Del.<\/p>\n

Del<\/p>\n

(CONT.) If a woman comes around<\/p>\n

here tonight asking If I want to sell you<\/p>\n

for a nice Black and White polka dot spotty coat.<\/p>\n

What should I say?<\/p>\n

Rod<\/p>\n

Shut up Del!<\/p>\n

Rodney walks through the door to the bedrooms and slams it hard. Del starts to react<\/p>\n

but is stopped by Grandad.<\/p>\n

Gd<\/p>\n

Leave him alone Del, you’ve been<\/p>\n

on his back all week, ever since he<\/p>\n

got the Chickenpox, Give him a break.<\/p>\n

Del goes to sit down in the chair next to Grandad.<\/p>\n

Del<\/p>\n

Yeah I suppose your right, I’ll see if I<\/p>\n

can’t\u00a0 do something to cheer him up<\/p>\n

this weekend\u2026<\/p>\n

Gd<\/p>\n

That’s nice Del-boy.<\/p>\n

Del<\/p>\n

By the way Grandad can you bugger off out<\/p>\n

on Sunday afternoon for a few hours?<\/p>\n

Gd<\/p>\n

Whys that Del?<\/p>\n

Del<\/p>\n

Just because that’s why, well can you?<\/p>\n

Gd<\/p>\n

Well as it happens I was going out<\/p>\n

Sunday anyway.<\/p>\n

Del<\/p>\n

Oh yeah? Where are you going then?<\/p>\n

Grandad looks a bit shifty<\/p>\n

Gd<\/p>\n

Never you mind Del-boy.<\/p>\n

Del<\/p>\n

(JOKEY) Who is she then, some young<\/p>\n

dolly bird down the Legion?<\/p>\n

Grandad looks even more shifty. Del looks at Grandad and raises His eyebrows.<\/p>\n

Del<\/p>\n

You dirty old goat! Come on who is<\/p>\n

she then?…ere its not that old bird<\/p>\n

I saw you walking through the market<\/p>\n

with last week wassit? You know the<\/p>\n

one with the dodgy syrup and the<\/p>\n

Zimmer frame?<\/p>\n

Gd<\/p>\n

(INDIGNATION) She hasn’t got a dodgy<\/p>\n

wig Del. Gawd you have to push don’t<\/p>\n

yer, I was a old friend of her late<\/p>\n

husband Arthur, but me and Arthur<\/p>\n

had a little misunderstanding and me<\/p>\n

and Alice didn’t see each other for years.<\/p>\n

if you must know it was the first time<\/p>\n

I’d seen her since her husband Arthur died,<\/p>\n

we bumped into each other a couple of<\/p>\n

months ago, and sometimes meet up<\/p>\n

for a cuppa and a chat that’s all, alright?<\/p>

\n