Continuing from yesterday we pick up the final part 4 of Only Fools Fan Kiel Phillips script called Broke
Only Fools fan script – Broke – Final Part 4
SCENE 4 – LIVING ROOM – AFTERNOON
GRANDAD IS SITTING IN HIS USUAL SPOT. THE DOOR FLINGS OPEN AND DEL ENTERS FOLLOWED BY RODNEY. DEL IN A TEMPER THROWS THE SUITCASE ACROSS THE LIVING ROOM. IT LETS OUT A BLAST OF CHINESE
GRANDAD: Did you sell them then?
DEL: Hold me back Rodney
RODNEY: No we didn’t sell them
GRANDAD: Wasn’t the shop open?
RODNEY: No, it was open
GRANDAD: No customers?
RODNEY: There were plenty of customers
GRANDAD: None of them Chinese?
RODNEY: No no, the majority of them were Chinese
GRANDAD: I don’t understand then, what went wrong?
DEL HEADS TO THE SUITCASE AND PULLS OUT ONE OF THE TOYS
DEL: What went wrong is that none of the Chinese people wanted one of these, because these are flamin’ Japanese
GRANDAD: And they didn’t want them?
RODNEY: Well of course they didn’t bloody want them, it’s a different language
DEL: How could you not have known Rodney, you have two GCE’s
RODNEY: Yes, in maths and art, not oriental languages
GRANDAD: Does that mean we’re not having that steak tonight?
DEL RAISES THE TOY AS IF TO HIT GRANDAD AND THEN JUST THROWS IT BACK INTO THE CASE LETTING OFF YET ANOTHER BLAST OF WHAT THEY NOW KNOW TO BE JAPANESE. DEL GIVES IT A KICK
DEL: Shut up
DEL LIFTS SOME LETTERS OFF THE BAR
DEL: Are these what came today?
GRANDAD: Yeah, most of ’em are red
DEL LIFTS A WASTEPAPER BASKET ONTO THE BAR
DEL: I’ll just file them away
DEL STARTS TO GO THROUGH THE PILE OF LETTERS THROWING THEM ONE BY ONE IN THE BIN. HE STOPS AT ONE AND LOOKS HORRIFIED
DEL: Solicitors!
DEL THROWS IT IN THE BIN LIKE IT IS ON FIRE
RODNEY: Del! You can’t ignore a solicitors letter
DEL: Watch me bruv
RODNEY PICKS IT OUT OF THE BIN
DEL: Would you put that back you plonker, it’ll only be someone after me for money i don’t have
RODNEY: In Ireland?
DEL: Eh?
RODNEY: The address on the back say it’s from Ireland
DEL: Well go on, open it then
RODNEY OPENS THE LETTER AND STARTS TO READ IT
DEL: Well, what does it say?
GRANDAD: Give him a chance to read it
BEAT
GRANDAD: What does it say Rodney
RODNEY: ‘Dear Mr Trotter, may we first offer our condolences on the passing of your Uncle’
DEL: Uncle? Uncle who?
GRANDAD: He’s not called Albert is he?
RODNEY: Derek Cooper
DEL: Of course, Uncle Derek, mum’s brother. That’s who i was named after. He’s dead?
DEL LOOKS LIKE THE NEWS HAS HIT HIM HARD. HE MAKES HIS WAY TO THE CHAIR BESIDE GRANDAD AND SLUMPS DOWN IN THE CHAIR. HE PUTS HIS HEAD IN HIS HAND. RODNEY PUT HIS HAND ON HIS SHOULDER IN SUPPORT.
RODNEY: I didn’t even know we had an Uncle Derek, were you close to him?
DEL: I’d never met him
RODNEY REACTS. HE THEN GOES BACK TO READING THE LETTER. AFTER A SECOND HE GETS EXCITED
RODNEY: Del
DEL: Not now Rodney
RODNEY: Del
DEL: Can’t you see I’m grieving
RODNEY: Del would you listen to me
DEL: You’re getting right on my tits son
RODNEY: Just look at this
RODNEY HANDS DEL THE LETTER, DEL READS IT AND THEN SLUMPS BACK IN THE SEAT AGAIN
DEL: Well thanks for that Rodney, that has really cheered me up. I told you it was someone looking for money
RODNEY: Eh? Where did you read that?
DEL: There look, ‘a beneficiary of his estate’
RODNEY: No, that means he has left you something
DEL JUMPS UP SHOWING THE LETTER TO RODNEY
DEL: Well what is it
RODNEY: It says ‘Please find your cheque enclosed’
DEL SNATCHES THE ENVELOPE FROM RODNEY AND TAKES OUT THE CHEQUE. HE LOOKS AT IT AND LOOKS UP AT RODNEY IN DISBELIEF
DEL: Two thousand quid
RODNEY: You’re kidding
DEL HANDS THE CHEQUE TO RODNEY WHO READS IT
RODNEY: Two thousand pounds
DEL STARTS TO LAUGH AND DANCE AROUND
DEL: “Money, money, money, must be funny” hahaha You know what this is Rodney, this is mum looking out for us
RODNEY: By killing her own brother? It’s a bit sick
DEL: What do you mean by that?
RODNEY: Nothing, sorry, i wasn’t thinking
DEL: Yeah, well, you’re lucky I’m in a good mood. Hey, i tell you what, both of you go and get your best clobber on and I’ll take us all out for a meal at a Berni Inn, eh how about that then. Come on, sharpish, we’ll need to swing by the bank to cash this before it closes.
RODNEY AND DEL HEAD TO THEIR ROOMS TO GET READY. DEL KISSES THE CHEQUE AND LOOKS SKYWARD
DEL: Thanks mum
DEL IS ABOUT TO HEAD TO GET READY HIMSELF WHEN THE PHONE RINGS. HE ANSWERS IT
DEL: Hello… Oh hello Trig, how’s it going?… Now that I’ve got you on the phone Trig I have a bone to pick wi… Have you? Talking alarm clocks. Yeah that sounds right up my street… No, i don’t mind if they’re hooky, you know me, he who dares and all that. Where did you get them?… Same place as those kids toys?… Yeah I’m definitely interested old pal. Tell you what, you hold on to them for me and I’ll be round with the money in half an hour. Alright pal, talk to you then.
DEL PUT THE PHONE DOWN AND RUBS HIS HANDS TOGETHER
DEL: Lovely jubbly
END
Make sure you read all 4 parts of the script in order
Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Final Part 4
Well done Kiel.Very authentic,well observed and funny!
Thanks for reading. Glad you enjoyed it.
I am after a full list of every cast member ever to be in only fools please help
many thanks ashley
You will find them here mate: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0081912/
Bit disrespectful to ask here to be honest
Disrespectful?? Wasnt sure where to ask dont be a plonker
I apologies. I had a bad day, i was being screwed around by a company. Hope you found what you were looking for.
‘DEL: “Money, money, money, must be funny” hahaha You know what this is Rodney, this is mum looking out for us
RODNEY: By killing her own brother? It’s a bit sick’
Classic Rodney one-liner!
Thanks for reading. Hope you enjoyed it.
Not a bad little script – very qwerky. Enjoyed it.
By the way – I’m left in a panick now, but did Del Boy have an Uncle Derek? I’m thinking of cousin Stan..but was his Dad called Derek? My mind is blank here!
Thanks for all your comments on the script, glad you enjoyed it.
No, i created the name just for the purpose of the script.
Ah! Good idea. This is something I am doing with an OFAH script I’m working on. Taking a bloody age to write it. How long did it take you to write yours? Did you feel it flowed well as you writing or did you have the odd day where you felt nothing was happening?
When i get stuck on an original script i’m writing i write scripts or parts of scripts for shows i like because i find part of the way through i get an idea to go with my original script and go back to it. I made that one up from bits and pieces that i had already written and just added a few bits in so that the story linked. The other script i have on here ‘For The Record’ i wrote all in one go, it took me 2 days to write and then i spent another day editing it.
Nicely done.
My idea is quite a long episode so it’s taking a while.
I’ve been thinking about doing a longer one but i think i’d find myself in the same predicament as you. Good luck with it and i look forward to reading it when you eventually get it done.
This has been my favourite so far. Looking forward to the next part:)
Glad you enjoyed it. Thanks for the comment.