Rodney’s top 5 birds

Rodney’s top 5 birds; (Not including Cassandra)

1) ‘Debbie’

This was my favourite of all of Rodney’s birds. She had a great smile, was very beautiful and a lovely girl. But much more importantly than that she worked in a sweet shop. If Rodney had played his cards right he could have had as much cola cubes, refreshers and hubba bubba’s to last him a lifetime. Not to mentioned all the dirty mags. This seemed like it could be real love for Rodders, but as always Del played his part in ruining it all for him with Del convinced she was his daughter. It wasn’t that she was ‘pretty’ as Trigger suggested that would of given the truth away to me. But if Del really had a daughter she would have been the size of Jimmy Krankie. In the end it all got to much for Debbie and she ended their relationship. To make it a double blow Mickey Pearce got in there instead. In fact it was really a triple blow, because he could have had Junie as his mother-in-law.

Debbie in Happy Returns

2) ‘Victoria’

Another one of Rodney’s birds who was very pretty. It seems Rodders had the magic touch of pulling beautiful woman while having average looks long before you had to be a premiership footballer. Either that or they hadn’t invented contact’s back then. They had quite a bit in common with their love of art. Also with her being a Lady and Rodney working from a suitcase, neither paid any taxes. Chances are her Family fiddled the system more than the Trotters did. So they were a match made in heaven. But again Del had other plans on his mind and the relationship was doomed. To be fair with her rich background and his lack of nobility it was never really going to work. But saying that he wouldn’t have been the first commoner to marry into wealth. Just ask Prince Phillip.

3) ‘Sandra’

Being a policewoman probably wouldn’t make her high on most people list, but I am a fair and honest person. Plus I think she is a bit tasty. The ultimate sin in Del’s books Rodney pulled her out one night in a club. But how many policewoman would take a bloke’s number when out on duty that wasn’t on the back of his vehicle. So she wasn’t all bad. But before finishing their short romance, she told Rodney she would come around to check on the stolen items in their flat with the C.I.D. Which makes me realise how times have changed. Now she would be coming around with a community support officer on a bike. I know at the end she still turns back into her role as an officer and practically cautions him, but she still gave him 24 hours. But all Rodney really needed was about 30 seconds.

4) ‘Yvonne’

I know she was a bet but Rodney still dated this slightly loopy lady. She was loud, bit of a drinker and had a few problems up top. Think Lindsey Lohan and you get the picture. Forced into it with a bet with Mickey Pearce, Rodney had no choice but to take her to the Nags Head. But luckily there was more to Yvonne than met the eye. She fancied herself as an actress, was a bit of a singer and was even into a bit of magic. Unfortunately for Rodney the only thing she was consistent in was being useless. She was the Amanda Holden 20 years ahead of her time. Obviously It all ended in disaster, with Rodney being made to look the joke of Peckham. Personally I would have given her another chance. If she could do all sorts with a snake think what she could do with a couple of ping pong balls.

5) ‘Janice’

She was the first girlfriend we ever see Rodney with. A nice looking girl but probably had the same number I.Q as the amount of Grandad’s telly’s. Rodney doesn’t get to see much of Janice though as he is on a shift of 23 and a half hours. But luckily for him Del was putting in a shift as well and was out on dates with Janice for him. Now that’s what I call true Brotherly love. I’m sure he gave lots of that love he had to Janice as well. Not sure they would have lasted long anyway, the only things they had in common was that her brother painted for the Peckham council while Rodney probably painted art while listening to Style Council. Also as Rodney was growing up I am sure at times he had to share a bed with Del. And that is the probably the only other thing they had in common.