Top 5 Del Birds

Anthony Mcinerney Reveals his Top 5 Del Birds

Here is his lowdown on five of Del’s top birds; (not including Raquel)

1) ‘Junie’

My favourite of all Del’s girlfriends. Junie was always the girl I thought Del should have settled down with. They worked well on screen, and I think it was a shame they only had 2 episodes together. She was one of those woman who you heard 10 minutes before you actually saw her coming. A bit like an ice cream van or dustbin lorry reversing. In fact even her breasts came around the corner 10 seconds before she did. She was loud, brash and funny, and if truth be told probably an old slapper. I am not saying she liked a bloke but I reckon her legs spent more time in the air than the RAF. But how many people can make Janet Street Porter seem quiet and shy and Katie Price like a virgin? But she had that quality, and for that Junie I salute you, and you will always be close to my OFAH heart. Luckily though not my ears.

Junie - Anthonys Top 5 Del Bird

2) ‘Pauline Harris’

Out of all Del’s birds this is the one I found the most attractive. Long blond hair, pretty and slim she was a cross between Bet Lynch’s lovechild and a bird who had just missed out on Abba. And I am sure if she ever had made that group she would of enjoyed singing ‘money money money. Back in Del’s life after hubby number two was buried Pauline was after number three and a pay check. Obviously she wasn’t after his three wheel van or the keys to his penthouse on the 25th floor, but some life insurance. But considering Del smoked heavily, drank most days and lead a stressful life, if she had got her way she was on to a winner of about £12.50. She would have got more of a return if she had married Grandad. In the scene when Del goes off to the bedroom for some more ‘Pauline’ action, it’s the only time I would have risked a poisoned death to be in his shoes.

3) ‘Heather’

One of del’s nicest girlfriends Heather was a breath of fresh air and the first time you really see Del in love. Well apart from the first time he clapped eyes on some Leopard skin luggage. They had his and hers signs in the front of the car, ‘Old Shep’, and went to the park as a family, it was nearly enough to make you sick. But they was a good couple together and about the only relationship that Del had that didn’t end with them hating each other. I always thought as nice as she was Heather was a bit to gulllible for Del. I think she would have been more suited to someone on her wavelength. Who knows maybe Vic is Trigger’s real name.

4) ‘Miranda’

Not really a proper Girlfriend of Del, but he did date her for a few days. Probably the posh’s bird Del has been out with. Which isn’t hard when posh for Del normally means she brushes her teeth after sex. I have heard the saying ‘plum in their mouth’ but Miranda had a whole Market stall load. I bet sometimes Del wished she had his plums in her mouth. From his stall obviously. She was from upmarket Kensington and she brought class and wealth to Chelsea many years before Abramovich got there, and Del Boy was smitten. Obviously hoping she was after a bit of rough after years with the toff’s he treated her the only way he knows how. And messed it up. Not that he ever really stood a chance as she was only after something very valuable and very dear to him.

5) ‘Trudy’

We never actually got to see Del date Trudy but she was one of his many ex- Fiancée’s. In fact even sitting behind him in a pub all night he didn’t recognise her. But then again maybe last time he saw her she was on top. With make-up on like Krusty the Clown and the voice of Joe Pasquale she was hardly one of Del’s greatest conquests. It didn’t help that she had a laugh like a Hyena, and had a fur coat on that probably use to be one. The most annoying of his ex- birds, but for the short time she was in a episode I kind of took a liking to her. And so I am sure did half the men in Peckham.

Now we know you may disagree – so what would be your top 5?