When it comes to fans scripts, we have some superb ones on here. But its been a while since we have had a really good “feature length” script.
You have to read this great script from Only Fools and Horses fan Gary Stocker. Its got everything in it and its based on the current Only Fools and Horses characters.
Gary ties up some great lose ends from previous episodes. He carefully brings old characters like Boycie, Marlene and Tyler from the farm in Green Green Grass and even gives a very special nod to dear Trigger.
The Bells of Peckham
by Gary Stocker & Paul Stocker
scenes 1 to 4
ONLY FOOLS AND HORSES
Based on Characters created by John Sullivan
Ext. PECKHAM HOSPITAL – DAY
WIDE SHOT of Peckham hospital. We see the Trotters Three wheel van parked in the car park. A POLICE AWARE Sign stuck on the back.
We then travel through the corridors as we HEAR a VOICE OVER from DEL.
DEL V.O.
Oh, you are such a lovely little boy, you really are. You’re so lucky to have a mummy and daddy who think you’re the bestest thing in the whole wide world.
In the meantime a MAN, WOMAN and GIRL are running late down the corridors. This is RODNEY, CASSANDRA and JOAN.
INT. delivery room – DAY
Del Trotter is proudly holding the newborn in his arms. He is looking out of the window, similar to when Damien was born, only it is day.
DEL
You’ll have a lovely family around you – when they get here. Yes, you will. No more of this selling stuff from suitcases. You’re gonna have a proper education and get a proper job…
DAMIEN OOV
Dad?
DEL
Yeah?
DAMIEN
Could we.. er.. have him back?
DEL
Oh. Yeah.
Del hands the newborn over to Damien who is now 26 and a father in his own right.
DEL (CONT’D)
He’s a little cracker ain’t he. You’ve done well, there, girl.
Laying exhausted in the bed is Damian’s girlfriend, DONNA.
DONNA
It was a bit of an effort, Del.
DAMIEN
Yeah we got there in the end. How’s the business? Thanks for looking after it again.
DEL
Cushty, son. Just like riding a bike, innit. Although your uncle hasn’t changed. Still as soppy as ever.
DAMIEN
Yeah. Where is he, anyway?
RAQUEL
He’s got lost I imagine.
DEL
No. No. I suspect he’s taking his wife and daughter on a tour of the hospital. He’s like that. A pranny. Anyway, while I was looking after Trotters Independent traders for you, I managed to sort out a deal that will come in very handy for you now you’re a three person family…
DAMIEN
(nervously)
Oh.
DONNA
(nervously)
Great.
RAQUEL
(knows what’s coming)
Yeah. You’ll love it.
DEL
Wahay. I’ll give you all a lift home.
RAQUEL
You can’t. We haven’t got enough room. You can’t take them in the back of the van.
DEL
It’s alright. We will be taking the new addition to the Trotter family back in style. Denzil’s on his way with his new bus. We’ll all go back to the flat together.
DAMIEN
Our flat.
DEL
Your flat. That’s what I said.
The door bangs open and in walks a sweating, out of breath, Rodney, Cassandra and Joan.
RODNEY
I’m so sorry we’re late.
CASSANDRA
Yes, we’re sorry.
DAMIEN
It’s alright Uncle Rodney. Dad told me what you’ve been up to.
RODNEY
Yeah. I forgot what it was like to work for Del. Mind you, you’re as bad. Definite chip off the Derek Trotter block that one.
JOAN
When are you going to get a new van? Mum had to sit in the back and was bouncing about everywhere.
DEL
We couldn’t part with that van, now. It’s part of the Trotters Independent Traders legacy. Anyway, what happened to that blow up bed I put in it for you?
RODNEY
It burst.
INT. LIFT, NELSON MANDELA HOUSE – DAY
The lift contains DEL, RAQUEL, RODNEY, CASSANDRA, DAMIEN, DONNA and the yet unnamed BABY.
DEL
You know I never get tired of coming back to this flat. Lots of warm memories in this old flat. Grandad watching the sound of music on two tellies. Should have given him a pair of 3D glasses.
RODNEY
Uncle Albert soiling the chairs.
DEL
Thank you, Rodney. Yeah. Lots of memories. Oh I got your nappies sorted Damie.
DAMIEN
Dad, do you have to call me Damie. I’m Twenty Six now!
DEL
It’s just a force of habit, son.
The lift opens and they step out.
INT. THE TROTTERS’ LOUNGE – DAY
The inside door opens to the same old flat decor which is chocca block full of boxes of nappies. Top to tail full of nappies.
Damien and Donna enter open mouthed. Del stands behind them, all pleased with himself.
DAMIEN
Bloody hell, dad. How many nappies did you get?
DEL
Job Lot, Three thousand.
DAMIEN
Dad, He’ll be in milk for the first year, not eating curries. He’ll be seventeen when he gets out of this lot.
DEL
Then he’ll be just like your uncle Rodney.
RODNEY
Oi.
DAMIEN
Thanks, Dad. But… well… Where are we going to sit, now?
DEL
Come on, Damien, you’re a Trotter. Use your old initiative. Put one on another and voila. Take a pew on that, son.
RODNEY
Del, Donna just had a baby. She can’t sit on a cardboard bloody box. Here, where is she?
DAMIEN
Just nipped out for a fag.
DEL
So what do you recommend, then, Rodney?
RODNEY
We’ll put them in the garage.
DAMIEN
Oh nice one, dippy. So every time the nipper has a tom-tit Donna’s got to nip down twelve flights of stairs to get a new nappy?
RODNEY
No. Well, not all of them. Just most of them.
DEL
Good idea. But.. you can’t.
RODNEY
Why?
DEL
‘Cos the garage is full ‘an all.
DAMIEN
Dad, Where did you get Three thousand nappies from?
RAQUEL
Oh there’s a good answer to that. Just listen to this…
DEL
Oh you know my mate Towser? Well, his boy’s mate’s uncle got a contact in Mother Care.
DAMIEN
Oh? Good.
RODNEY
Yeah?
DEL
Yeah.
RODNEY
Who?
DAMIEN
What?
RODNEY
Who’s the contact? The Manager? The Cleaner? The M.D.?
RAQUEL
No. It’s the security Guard.
RODNEY
The security guard!
DAMIEN
The security guard?
DEL
Is there an echo in here? Yeah the security guard. He told us when he’d be on his break.
RAQUEL
And when the warehouse door would be open.
RODNEY
Bloody hell, Del. I told you we run Titco different now. Like, legally! Things are different now, Del. Times have changed. If you were caught it would be on social media quicker than Gazza at a Nags head happy hour.
DEL
Social? Rodders?
RODNEY
Social media. It means… Oh forget it. Damien – To Del, Facebook is something you put on a shelf!
DAMIEN
Alright Uncle Plod. Dad’s only trying to help.
DEL
Uncle Plod?
DAMIEN
Yeah. ‘Cos he runs the business like a policeman. He’s the fun police. Too serious, man.
RAQUEL
Sometimes, Damien, you both need to be kept a check on. You’re too much like your father.
DEL & DAMIEN
Thank you.
RAQUEL
That wasn’t a compliment.
DEL
Oh charming. That’s the gratitude I get is it?
DAMIEN
Thanks, Dad. But.. Look at it.
Damien points to all the packets of nappies taking up valuable space.
Del looks solemnly at Damien, then Raquel. He then exits to the balcony…
Scenes 5 onwards continues tomorrow in part 2
Pretty good so far