Script: Seconds Out

Another great script from Kiel Phillips called Seconds Out – We hope you enjoy it!

SCENE 1 – EXT: MARKET – DAY

DEL IS STANDING IN FRONT OF A SMALL CROWD. HE IS HOLDING A TIN WHICH DOESN’T HAVE A LABEL. THE SUITCASE SITS ON A TABLE ALSO FULL OF THESE TINS. THE VAN IS PARKED JUST BEHIND AND IT IS PACKED WITH TINS. RODNEY IS ON LOOKOUT DUTY.

DEL:
Now ladies and gentlemen, we Brits are well known for being a nation of animal lovers. I know I am, and my business partner and brother Rodney over there is as well. I do my bit by donating to the NSPCC and young Rodney does his bit by taking a dog out to the disco every Saturday night.

RODNEY LOOKS OFFENDED. DEL NODS TOWARDS A WOMAN IN THE CROWD.

DEL:
No offence darling. If you are all the animal lovers I think you are then I have a deal you cannot turn down. Thanks to my contacts at Crufts I have been able to procure the highest quality dog food. This stuff gives your dog so much energy that postmen have gone on strike trying to get it banned. Now if you go down to Tesco what would you expect to pay for a tin of ordinary run of the mill named brand? 30p? 35p? Well I’m not going to ask that. Even though this is higher quality than your Pedigree Chum or your Winalot, and every tin is guaranteed to contain a bit of a Grand National winner, I’m not asking 30p. 25 pence a tin is all I am asking.

GENERAL GROANS OF INDIFFERENCE FROM THE CROWD

DEL:
Come on now. This is the stuff they use to feed Lassie. If Old Yeller could have talked this is the stuff he would have asked for as his last meal. And I’m not supposed to tell you this, but there are Corgis at a certain palace that are tucking into this three times a day. I tell you what I’ll do, I’ll give it to you at what it cost me just because I need the space in the back of my van to help deliver guide dogs to the blind. 20p a tin or four for a pound, now I can’t say fairer than that.

RODNEY: (MONOTONE)
Now steady on Del

DEL:
No Rodney, I just want these people to feed their pets with the best gear money can buy. I don’t mind not making a profit if it is going to benefit the little animals.

WOMAN IN CROWD:
It should be five for a pound

DEL:
Sorry love?

WOMAN IN CROWD:
You said 20p each or four for a pound. It should be five for a pound.

DEL:
You want five for a pound? Ask and you shall receive. Rodney, take her money. Now, anyone else?

THE SURGE STARTS AT MONEY IS THRUSTED AT DEL AND RODNEY

SCENE 2 – INT: PUB – EARLY EVENING

DEL AND RODNEY ENTER. MIKE IS BEHIND THE BAR, AND A FEW REGULARS ARE SCATTERED AROUND THE PLACE.

RODNEY:
You have some nerve. “Every tin contains a bit of a Grand National winner”?

DEL:
Well it could do. Anyway, how are they going to know, it’s not like there are going to be name tags stuck in the middle of it

RODNEY:
No, but I bet if there was they wouldn’t say ‘Red Rum’ or ‘L’Escargot’. I bet they’d say something like ‘Tiger’, ‘Puss’ or ‘Ginger’

DEL:
Shut up you tart. Look, what do you expect for five pence a tin? We’ve knocked out a thousand tins between yesterday and today and made 300% profit.

RODNEY:
You don’t care who or what gets hurt as long as you make a profit.

DEL:
That hurts Rodney. That you would think I’d knowingly harm a poor defenseless little animal just to make a few quid.

RODNEY:
Well those tins had no labels on them. The best before dates had been scratched off. How do you know they were even safe to eat?

DEL:
Because I tested it. I’m not a monster you know.

RODNEY:
All right then, how did you test it?

DEL:
What do you think was in that pie I baked you for dinner last night?

DEL WALKS OFF TOWARDS THE BAR LEAVING RODNEY LOOKING FIRST CONFUSED, THEN SICK, THEN ANGRY. RODNEY GOES AFTER DEL.

DEL:
Evening Michael, I’ll have a pernod and blackcurrant and young Fido here will have a lager.

MIKE:
Half or pint?

DEL:
Just stick it in a bowl and leave it on the floor for him

RODNEY:
Pint Mike, seeing as how Del is paying.

MIKE GETS BUSY MAKING THE DRINKS

RODNEY:
You’re a rotten git

DEL:
What, I thought you wanted to help all the animals. Keep them safe and from distinction and all that.

RODNEY:
Yeah, but I don’t want to safety test their food

DEL:
Oh. Oh I see. You’re one of those armchair activists are ya? I know your type. You get mad about something that is happening but you don’t do anything to help stop it.

RODNEY:
Bob Geldof wants to sort out famine in Africa, it doesn’t mean he wants to bloody live there

DEL:
Stop moaning will ya, you’re giving my arse a headache. You’re feeling all right ain’t ya? Not feeling ruff, ruff, ruff

DEL LAUGHS AT HIS OWN JOKE AS MIKE SETS THE DRINKS ON THE BAR.

DEL:
Set Rodney’s down at the end of the bar will you please Michael

MIKE PICKS IT UP AND DOES SO

DEL:
Go on then. Fetch. I have a bit of business to discuss.

RODNEY:
You haven’t heard the last of this

DEL:
Cor blimey, you’re like a dog with a bone. Go on, off you go.

RODNEY HEADS OFF

DEL:
And oi! Don’t be letting me catch you sniffing round any bums or I’ll have you round the vets quicker than you can say “snipped”

RODNEY GIVES DEL THE FINGER AND MOVES OFF

DEL:
That’s charming that is

MIKE:
That’s £1.40 for the drinks

DEL HANDS MIKE MONEY

DEL:
And take one for yourself Michael

MIKE:
Cheers Del. So what’s this bit of business?

DEL:
Well Michael, how are you for tinned meat?

MIKE:
Not interested

DEL:
Come on now Michael, don’t be a plonker all your life. That hot pot and stew you make up every day, it must cost you what, four maybe five quid a day in fresh meat? So lets say thirty quid a week. For thirty quid  I can let you have 150 tins of the highest quality tinned meat. Look here, 150 tins would do you what, two months, maybe more?

MIKE:
I suppose

DEL:
Think of all the money you could save. And you don’t have to tell the wife or the brewery about it. You could have a couple of hundred sods on the hip to spend however you like.

MIKE:
It’d be nice Del, I’m not gonna lie. Is it safe? Last thing I need is the health inspector on my back

DEL:
Course its safe. What kind of bloke do you think I am? Rodney insisted on testing it himself before we sold one tin. Go on, ask him how his dinner was last night.

MIKE:
Rodney. How was your dinner last night?

RODNEY: (O.O.V)
Piss off

DEL:
See, he loved it

MIKE:
Didn’t sound like it to me

DEL:
That’s because he doesn’t want me selling any, he loves the stuff so much. I’ve got all my money tied up in it though, so if I don’t get shot of it quick we’ll starve.

MIKE:
How will you star…

DEL:
Seeing as how you’re a mate, here is what I’m going to do for you. You buy the 150 tins for £30, and I’ll throw in another 20 at no extra charge. Now you can’t say fairer than that, can ya?

MIKE:
You’ve got yourself a deal Derek

DEL:
You know it makes sense. I’ll drop it round first thing in the morning, you can pay me then.

DEL WALKS OVER TO RODNEY

DEL:
Come on Rodders, drink up

RODNEY:
We’ve only just got here

DEL:
Fine, you stay here. I was just thinking though, we’ve done so well today that we could go back to the flat, put on our best whistle, splash of Brut and head up West to see if we can pick up a couple of sorts. Bit of dancing, a steak meal and who knows where it could lead.

RODNEY:
Yes Derek, I like it. Let’s go.

RODNEY HEADS OFF

DEL:
Although with out luck it’ll be a bit of dancing, a couple of tins of that dog food and we’ll be taking them home on leads.

RODNEY TURNS BACK

RODNEY:
Eh?

DEL:
Nuffink bruv. Come on. Avante! Avante!

SCENE 3 – CLUB – LATE NIGHT

DEL AND RODNEY SIT IN AN ALMOST EMPTY CLUB THAT IS PLAYING SOME CHEESY DISCO MUSIC. THERE IS A MAN STANDING AT THE BAR, A BARMAN AND A FEW COUPLES SCATTERED AROUND THE PLACE.

DEL:
A right blinding night this has turned out to be. “Let’s go in here, this looks like a happening place” you said. And what is happening? Nothing. It’s emptier than Trigger’s head in here.

RODNEY:
I’m sorry. How many times do I have to say it?

DEL:
Five quid to get in and three quid a go for a round of drinks.

RODNEY:
Don’t go on about it will ya. Look, I’ll buy you a drink, eh?

DEL:
It’s about bleeding time you put your hand in your pocket

RODNEY:
Same again?

DEL:
Yeah, go on

RODNEY STARTS TO WALK AWAY AND THEN TURNS BACK

RODNEY:
Del?

DEL:
Baileys and cream soda, little dash of lime

RODNEY:
No it’s not that

DEL:
What is it then?

RODNEY:
Can you lend me three quid

DEL:
Stone me. Look just sit down, I’ll get the drinks.

DEL HEADS TO THE BAR. THERE IS A WELL DRESSED MAN THERE.

DEL:
Garcon, por fa vour sil vou plait

THE BARMAN STICKS A HAND UP TO DEL TO TELL HIM TO WAIT

EDDY:
You might be waiting a while, he’s trying to chat up that girl. I’ve been getting the brush off from him for the last fifteen minutes.

DEL:
Well if he’s trying to chat up that little blonde girl I’d most probably say you ain’t his type

EDDY:
No, I mean he has been telling me to wait on ordering a drink

DEL:
Ah, I see what you mean. Here, I’ll sort this out.

DEL WHISTLES, THE BARMAN TURNS AROUND

DEL:
A word in your shell like.

THE BARMAN BEGRUDGLINGLY COMES OVER TO DEL. DEL LEANS IN AND WHISPERS IN HIS EAR .THE BARMAN LOOKS HORRIFIED AND THEN LOOKS OVER HIS SHOULDER. HE TURNS BACK TO THE DEL AND THE MAN AT THE BAR.

BARMAN:
What can I get you gentlemen?

DEL:
I’ll have a… tequila and orange with a twist of lime and half a lager.

EDDY:
A crème de menthe for me. And I’m paying for these.

DEL:
Oh, that’s very nice of you John.

EDDY:
Not at all, I thought I was going to die of thirst there. What did you tell him?

DEL:
I told him that my dopey brother pulled her last week and she turned out to be a man. It looks like the same thing happened to you

EDDY:
What do you mean by that?

DEL:
Well, in a bar with less people in it that at a Des O’Connor gig, in a whistle like that. That ain’t off the peg. Drinking on your own. The signs are all there.

EDDY:
When you put it like that. But it’s not a woman, it’s a man.

DEL:
Oh so you ARE one of them them

EDDY:
No, no, you misunderstand me. I was waiting on a client and he didn’t turn up.

DEL:
Oh yeah, what kind of business you in then?

EDDY:
I’m a promoter. I was waiting for a man to turn up, he was going to spar with one of my boxers

DEL:
How many do you have?

EDDY:
How many what?

DEL:
Boxers

EDDY:
Eleven

THE BARMAN PUTS THE DRINKS DOWN.

DEL:
Have you really? I tell you what, this is your lucky day. I’m in the pet food business, I can set you up with the highest quality dog food for low quality prices. It must set you back a little bit feeding eleven of them

EDDY:
No, you misunderstand, I’m a sports promoter. I organise boxing matches. My star fighter has a big title fight next month and his regular sparring partner is… unavailable.

DEL:
That’s all you need, eh?

EDDY:
I really thought this one would turn up. I mean, five hundred pounds for 2 days work is quite a fair fee. Anyway, we’re standing here talking and sharing a drink and I don’t even know your name

DEL:
Derek Trotter, but everyone calls me Del

EDDY:
Well Del, it’s a pleasure to meet you, I’m Eddy B…

DEL:
How much?!

EDDY:
Sorry?

DEL:
How much did you say you were paying this bloke that didn’t turn up?

EDDY:
Five hundred pounds

DEL:
I thought that’s what you said. I tell you what, let’s drink these and go on to this little Indian I know. We can sit down and have a proper discussion. I might be able to help you out.

EDDY:
Oh, how is that?

DEL:
I have an idea, and it’s a knockout

DEL LOOKS TOWARDS RODNEY AND SMILES. HE THEN RAISES HIS GLASS TOWARDS THE MAN

DEL:
Cheers

SCENE 4 – INT: FLAT – EARLY MORNING

DEL ENTERS THE LIVING ROOM FROM THE KITCHEN AND GOES TO THE DOORS LEADING TO THE BEDROOMS

DEL:
Come on Rodney, time to get up you lazy little git, your breakfast is gonna get cold

ALBERT ENTERS FROM HIS ROOM

ALBERT:
What’s with all the shouting, it’s only five o’clock? Are you just getting in?

DEL:
No of course not. I’ve been in at least half an hour.

ALBERT:
You wanna watch yourself son, it’s not good for you staying out boozing all night.

DEL:
I haven’t been boozing all night. While you were dreaming about one of the many times you were sunk, I was out making deals.

ALBERT:
Who were you making deals with in the middle of the night, the boogeyman?

DEL:
You know, for a man who was rescued from the water in almost every part of the world, you know very little about it. It may have been the middle of the night here, but in China, Australia, New Zealand and all that, they were in the middle of their working day. Yuppies like me have to have our fingers on the pulse at all times or we can miss that one deal that will make us millionaires. He who sleeps, can’t afford to eat, that’s my motto. Speaking of that

DEL GOES BACK TO THE DOOR TO THE BEDROOMS

DEL:
This is your final call Rodney or I’m coming in there to shove one of Albert’s socks in your mouth

ALBERT IS NOW SITTING AT THE TABLE

ALBERT:
So who did you do this deal with then, an Australian, or an Asian?

DEL:
It’s with this bloke that has something going at the Peckham Community Centre

ALBERT REACTS. RODNEY ENTERS THE LIVING ROOM

DEL:
You finally decided to join us then?

RODNEY:
What time is it?

DEL GOES INTO THE KITCHEN

ALBERT:
Just gone five

RODNEY:
Why have you let me sleep all day? I was supposed to meet Nerris at lunch time to take her for a pizza

ALBERT:
Nah, it’s five in the morning

RODNEY:
Oh, thank god for that. I don’t want to miss this date Unc, this could be the one where she finally, you know…

ALBERT LAUGHS KNOWINGLY. RODNEY HAS A LECHEROUS GRIN ON HIS FACE

ALBERT:
Where she what?

RODNEY:
Come on Albert, even you… Five in the morning?! What the bloody hell is he doing getting me up at five in the morning?

DEL RENTERS AND IS CARRYING TWO PLATES

DEL:
Because I have a job for you. You’re gonna earn well out of this Rodney my son.

RODNEY:
What is it?

DEL:
All in good time. Now just sit there, relax and eat your breakfast.

DEL PUTS DOWN A PLATE THAT HAS A HUGE STEAK AND EGGS ON IT

RODNEY:
What’s this?

DEL:
It’s the van’s spare tire, what does it look like it’s your breakfast

ALBERT:
That looks handsome

DEL:
Don’t it just

HE WAITS EXPECTANTLY AS DEL SETS A PLATE IN FRONT OF HIM. HIS FACE FALLS AS HE SEES IT CONTAINS A SINGLE SLICE OF TOAST

RODNEY:
What’s this all about?

DEL:
Good breakfast to set you up for a hard days work. Go on, tuck in.

RODNEY DOES SO. HE STARTS TO CHEW THE STEAK.

RODNEY:
You sure this isn’t the van tyre? Who did you buy it from, Wrigley’s?

DEL:
That’s prime steak there. That’s none of your muck from the meat counter at Tesco. You know that butchers in the high street all those yuppy sorts use?

ALBERT:
I’ve seen the prices in the window of that place, I thought it were a phone number

DEL:
Only the best for Rodney

RODNEY:
You got me a steak from in there?

DEL:
In a way

RODNEY:
What do you mean?

DEL:
I got it from the bins out the back

RODNEY SPITS OUT WHAT HE HAS IN HIS MOUTH

RODNEY:
Oh you dirty pig!

DEL:
No, listen, listen. Young Towzer, his brother in law’s niece is going out with the soppy kid that works in there and he told her that at the end of every day, whatever doesn’t get sold that day gets chucked out. Well, seemed like a waste to me.

RODNEY:
I’m not eating that

ALBERT:
I’ll have it

ALBERT GOES TO GRAB THE PLATE AND DEL SLAPS HIS HAND AWAY

DEL:
No you bleedin’ well won’t. Rodney is going to eat it

RODNEY:
No he bloody well isn’t

DEL:
There’s gratitude for ya, eh Albert. There was me out all night, trying to make a few quid to put food on the table, and straight back here when I thought “You know what, instead of getting a few winks of sleep I think I’ll do something nice for Rodney, cos he works hard for me and I just want to show him a little bit of appreciation”. What thanks do I get? None, it’s thrown back in my face.

RODNEY:
You don’t need to earn a few quid to put food on the table, you just elbow a few homeless people from around the local Tesco skip

DEL:
That hurts Rodney. That hurts. You really think that of me? That I’d serve my own brother food from a bin? If  I only had enough money to buy dinner for one, I’d eat out of a bin myself before I let you do it

ALBERT:
What about me?

DEL:
You? You’ve got so much food stuck in that dopey white beard that Bob Geldof is having a concert to buy it a plane ticket to send it to end the famine in Africa. You’d be alright.

RODNEY:
So this wasn’t from the bins?

DEL:
Of course not. Look, give it here and I’ll sling it down the rubbish chute

RODNEY:
No, no, I’m eating it

DEL:
I thought you said it were too rubbery

RODNEY:
That’s just how I like it. The more time you chew it the more flavour you get from it. Want to get as much as you can out of it when you’re paying them prices

DEL:
You said it bruv. Well go on then, eat up

DEL SITS DOWN AND HE STARES AT RODNEY WHO OBVIOUSLY DOESN’T WANT TO EAT IT BUT MAKES AN EFFORT BY CUTTING OFF A SMALL BIT AND POPPING IT IN HIS MOUTH. YOU CAN TELL HE ISN’T ENJOYING IT.

RODNEY:
Mmmm

DEL:
Nice is it?

RODNEY:
Lo…

RODNEY SUPRESSES HIS GAG REFLEX

RODNEY:
Lovely

DEL:
Well get that down ya, we have somewhere to be.

RODNEY:
Where?

DEL:
Never worry about the details. All you need to know is that we are going to earn from this, and earn well.

RODNEY:
Is it legal?

DEL:
Of course! You could even say this is double legal, cos you’ll be working in a council building

RODNEY:
We’re not getting Trigger to pass us out mops and brooms from the bog windows of the waste depot again are we?

DEL:
No, but that’s a thought. Those sold well, might give Trig a bell later. No, no, you’re going to be working in the community centre

RODNEY:
I’m not joining the tenants association again!

DEL:
Of course not

RODNEY:
And I’m not playing in a band

DEL:
It’s nothing like that

RODNEY:
What is it then?

DEL:
All will be revealed in good time. All in good time.

SCENE 5 – INT: COMMUNITY CENTRE – MORNING

RODNEY, DEL AND ALBERT AND STANDING WATCHING A BOXER ON THE SPEEDBAG

ALBERT:
This takes me back

RODNEY:
Well, what are we doing here?

DEL:
I told you, working

ALBERT:
During the war I was a bit of a boxer myself

DEL IS HARDLY LISTENING TO HIM

DEL:
Yeah, Canvasback Trotter

RODNEY:
But doing what?

DEL:
Something like this

RODNEY:
Oh

ALBERT:
I actually made a nice little bit of money at the time

DEL:
What, sold advertising on the bottom of your boots did ya?

RODNEY LAUGHS, THEN SUDDENLY STOPS

RODNEY:
What do you mean “something like this?” I can’t do that!

DEL:
You don’t have to do that. I don’t expect you to do that, do I?

RODNEY:
Well that’s alright then

DEL:
No, don’t worry about it Rodders

RODNEY:
So what am I going to be doing then?

DEL POINTS TOWARDS A RING IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HALL. A HUGE GUY IS JUST KNOCKING OUT A SKINNY GUY WEARING PROTECTIVE GEAR

DEL:
That

DEL SPOTS EDDY

DEL:
Oi Eddy, you alright pal?

DEL GOES OFF TO GREET HIM AS RODNEY STANDS OPEN MOUTHED

SCENE 5 – INT: COMMUNITY CENTRE – MORNING

RODNEY NOW STANDS IN THE RING DRESSED IN A VEST, SHORTS AND BOXING HEADGEAR AND GLOVES. HE LOOKS TERRIFIED. DEL AND EDDY ARE STANDING OUTSIDE THE RING

DEL:
Well go on then Rodney, what are you waiting for?

EDDY:
Is he alright? He has done this sort of thing before?

DEL:
Yeah, he has worked with all the big stars. They insist on working with Rodney because they know they will be tested to their full limit

EDDY:
By the looks of him it looks like he is going to be testing his underpants to their full limit

DEL:
No, that’s just him, you know, psyching himself up

EDDY:
Oh right, I see

DEL:
I’ll just go and have a word with him

DEL STEPS UP ONTO THE RING APRON TO HAVE A WORD WITH RODNEY

DEL:
Come on, you’re making me look like a right tit here

RODNEY:
You look like a tit? Just look at me!

DEL:
Well you can take it off if you want, but his punches won’t half sting

RODNEY:
He’s going to punch me?!

DEL:
No, he’s going to give you a kiss. Course he’s going to bleedin’ punch you. How else is he going to practice?

RODNEY:
On a punch bag. The clue is in the name.

DEL:
Yeah, but they don’t move about, do they? Look here, he ain’t going to hit you hard, he won’t want to risk breaking his hand or something before a big fight

RODNEY: (SARACSTICALLY)
Oh well that makes me feels loads better

DEL:
Here soppy, all you have to do is duck about for half an hour. If you’re any good he won’t even be able to land a punch on you and you’ll walk out of here with fifty sods in your back pocket

RODNEY:
I’ll put it towards some private health care for my brain damage

DEL:
You won’t get brain damage. You need a brain for that.

RODNEY REACTS

DEL:
I’m only joking. It’s perfectly safe

RODNEY:
If it’s so safe then why don’t you bloody do it?

DEL:
I would. I’d jump in there in a heartbeat, but I’m not the right size or anything. And you’re in better physical condition than I am

EDDY:
Is everything okay Del?

DEL:
Triffic Eddy, traffic. Just giving him a few last minutes words of advice

CUT TO: ALBERT WATCHING A KID ON A PUNCHBAG

ALBERT:
What you want to do is turn your wrist at the last minute, get the most impact

KID:
You a boxer then?

ALBERT:
In my younger days when I was in the navy

KID:
When was you in the navy?

ALBERT:
During the war, but I don’t like to talk about it… Mines, don’t talk to me about mines. One night me and my best mate One Armed Lenny was on lookout when we noticed that we were on a direct collision course. There was no time to steer the ship around, so we were going to have to do something quick sharp. Now, I…

KID:
One Armed Lenny?

ALBERT:
Eh?

KID:
Your mate, why was he called One Arm Lenny?

ALBERT:
Cos he only had one arm of course, you’ve taken one too may blows to the head son

KID:
How did he get into the navy if he only had one arm?

ALBERT:
Well, he had two arms up until that night with the mine

KID:
Feel sorry for that bloke in there

HE NODS TOWARDS THE RING

ALBERT:
Why’s that?

KID:
Well, no sparring partner ever lasts more than one session with him. The last one still hasn’t come out of the coma. Nobody will work with him any more so Eddy goes round all the pubs and clubs and picks up random idiots. He offers them big amounts of money, but he never pays, and if they cause any grief he threatens to set his heavies on them. Are you alright? You’ve gone a funny colour.

ALBERT WALKS OVER TO THE RING WHERE DEL IS STILL TALKING WITH RODNEY

ALBERT:
Del

DEL:
In a minute

ALBERT:
Del Boy

DEL:
Do you want to become my sparring partner Albert, cos I’m going to clump you one if you keep on

ALBERT:
I have to tell you something

DEL:
For gawds sake

DEL COMES DOWN FROM THE RING APRON AND ALBERT WHISPERS TO HIM. WE SEE HIS FACE FALL AS HE GETS THE DETAILS

EDDY:
Look Del, we need to get on here

DEL:
Sorry Eddy old pal, but I’ve just been talking with Rodney and he just ain’t feeling it today. Sorry, but we’re just going to have to get off. I have your number though, so I’ll give you a ring once he gets back in the, you know, into the zone. Come on Rodney.

JUST AS DEL IS ABOUT TO WALK AWAY EDDY NODS TO A COUPLE OF HEAVIES WHO BLOCK THE WAY

EDDY:
Sorry Del, but I’m afraid he’s just going to have to get into the zone. Why don’t you sit down

ONE OF THE HEAVIES BRINGS A CHAIR AND FORCES DEL DOWN ONTO IT

EDDY:
I won’t charge you for the ringside seat. Right then…

HE TURNS TOWARDS THE RING

EDDY:
Seconds out, round one. Ding ding.

FROM RODNEY’S POINT OF VIEW WE SEE THE BOXER COME AT HIM. WE THEN SEE RODNEY’S PANICKED FACE AND THEN BACK TO HIS POINT OF VIEW. WE THEN SEE DEL WITH HIS HEAD IN HIS HANDS AS WE HEAR A THUMPING SOUND. WE THEN SEE A LOOK OF SHOCK ON THE FACES OF THE HEAVIES AND THEN EDDY. BACK TO DEL WHO LOOKS THROUGH HIS FINGERS AND THEN REMOVES HIS HANDS FROM HIS EYES AND STANDS UP MOUTH AGAPE. WE THEN SEE THAT DEL IS LOOKING INTO THE RING WITH THE BOXER ON HIS BACK SPARK OUT, RODNEY COWERING IN THE CORNER, AND ALBERT STANDING OVER THE BOXER WITH HIS FISTS UP

DEL:
I don’t believe it. Where did you learn to hit like that?

ALBERT:
There’s no time for war stories now, come on, let’s get out of here

DEL:
Come on Rodney, on your toes

CUT TO: OUTSIDE THE THREE JUMP INTO THE VAN AND SPEED AWAY AS THE HEAVIES AND EDDY BURST OUT OF THE COMMUNITY CENTRE DOOR

EDDY:
If they ever show their faces round here again, I’ll kill ‘em.

EDDY LETS OUT A ROAR OF FRUSTRATION AND THEN GOES INTO THE COMMUNITY CENTRE AGAIN

HEAVY 1:
The bins behind the butchers

HEAVY 2:
What?

HEAVY 1:
I’ve been trying to remember where I’d seen that bloke before. I was taking a shortcut home through the alleys last night and I saw him getting food out of the bins behind the butchers

HEAVY 2:
Probably tasted better than the crap I had for dinner last night

HEAVY 1:
What was that?

HEAVY 2:
Some sort of tinned meat the wife got on the cheap. Tried to give it to the dog, but it growled at me

HEAVY 1:
Where did she get it?

HEAVY 2:
She said she got it off some funny little fella with a suitcase full of the stuff in the market

HEAVY 1:
No doubt knocked off from somewhere, you’ll never see him again

HEAVY 2:
Probably not

THEY LOOK AT THE NOW FAR AWAY TROTTER VAN AS IT LETS OUT A BANG AND A PUFF OF SMOKE

END